Do you like being a parent?

Parenting is tough. Is it my favourite gig- nope. But 5 yrs later I think I’ve almost accepted this is my life now( and that’s a very wanted, loved and planned kid). I do miss the carefree days every day

Pregnancy / fertility isn’t guaranteed, for anyone, at any point. Not saying this to scare you but just as an alternative perspective. I am a wee bit younger than you and had a similar experience this time last year despite the fact I was desperate to be a mum, I chose to terminate very early on as I thought it was the most fair decision. Fast forward to this year, I’m TTC (we are married and have more savings now, and both really want a baby). We conceived quickly again but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage and we found it devastating. I never saw it coming because I am in my twenties and naively thought, ahh well when the time is right it’ll be plain sailing.

First cycle trying again after the loss. I’m sure we will fall quickly and it should all be fine next time🤞 but thinking about the what if I’d not been so scared last year, is particularly difficult while we waiting for our little rainbow.

If you want a baby in the future, you have love to give and support around you I would do it. Nerves are normal and shows you care. It will be life altering but you will still be you.

I don’t like it. I was 34 and haven’t gone back to work yet, so maybe that will change when I get into the new normal and the shock goes away.
My daughter is an incredible little person already, I feel lucky to know her and she brings joy to so many people. I can’t imagine not having met her.
However, the responsibility, anxiety, repetitiveness and boredom is difficult. I miss my old life, it was wonderful. I feel guilty for feeling that way as she was very wanted - and she is very loved. But if I met me two years ago, I might tell her not to do it. Every day feels like a slog, despite her being utterly wonderful. There is a heaviness over my life now which will be there forever - and of course if you mention to anyone that you regret having a baby they diagnose you with PND, which I find strange as it’s like you’re not allowed to simply regret the decision.

It is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. Sometimes it's hard, but even when it's tough, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Bear in mind though that three years is nothing really, and although 'supportive' now if your partner ups and off as many do in time, he statistically won't take the DC with him, nor do 50/50. You will be left with all that.

Honestly?

I don't enjoy being a mother at about an 80 / 20 split with the 80 being the not enjoying.

I love my children I really do and I berate myself constantly because I am not the parent I want to be the truth is though I'm far too selfish. I like my space and time. I miss having freedom. I feel overwhelmed in the demands for my time and attention, all the mess they make in the house. And the responsibility of it all feels crushing.

There are times that I enjoy it, and I think about how much I love them all the time, I miss them when they arnt there, and I hope they know I love them but I'm being honest here.
I would never be without them now they exist but if I had fully really understood what parenting was like I would have not had children. I was very naive.

Yes. And I wasn't particularly maternal either, but it has been the best thing I have ever done. However, they are both healthy, haven't given us much trouble, we could afford childcare to outsource a lot of the early years so I could go back to work at four and five months pt and DH has stuck around.
Now 21 and 18 and never a single regret.

I love being a parent and I was 27 when I had my first.
It's really really har, but I enjoy having them more than anything I've done before.

I still have a good social life, go out for drinks at least once a week and mine are pre schoolers. If you have a good partner then there's no reason you have to sacrifice everything. First 6 months you're basically glued to a baby but after that it gets more flexible

Being a parent is shit. Had first at 35, second at 39. You give up your whole life, nothing will ever be the same. Had to give up all career progression as part time working doesn't really fit into that. My family live abroad, but travelling with a family of 4 is now to expensive so now I only see them every few years.

Having kids are fine, just make peace with the fact that you are about to give up everything in your live.

This

I guess comes down to how narcissistic / self involved you are. It takes huge self awareness to know you’re that type of person and I applaud those people for not having kids

How fucking rude to imply that women who don't have kids are narcissistic and self-involved! I certainly have enough self awareness to know that was not the reason I didn't have children. Ffs.

I know a lot of people that say that too. And they are also amazing parents

Op it is one heck of a learning curve......i spent the first six months in a blurred zone. I didn't know how to look after my son, or even how to change a nappy. My son is now 18 and his brother 15. So I haven't done too bad. Its a scary time but you find a way x

No don’t really enjoy it. Love my DD very much though so if someone offered me a chance to go back in time and undo it I’d probably sigh heavily and say “no thank you”.

But it very much changes your life.

The hardest but best thing I've ever done

Oh and I'd wish I'd started having babies at age 26 and not in my 30s

Hi OP, I was 27 when I got pregnant with my first. I LOVE being a Mum. My life was brilliant before (great marriage, loads of friends, very active social life, fun job) but I remember when she was about 4 months old I was just driving back from the supermarket and it had been so lovely pushing her round in the trolley and making her giggle and I just felt so complete and content in a way that I didn’t even realise I hadn’t been.

I’ve had two more kids since then and, my goodness, there have been challenges, for them and for me and for DH, but being their Mum is my greatest joy and privilege. It really is.

Also, if you think you definitely want kids some day - 26 is a good age. I found I’ve been noticeably less tired and more patient than my friends who had babies in their mid to late 30s and beyond. Possibly because they’d had more time to get used to adult life without them?

Yes I do enjoy it immensely but it’s often hard when they’re young. I was in my thirties, had a very much wanted baby, lovely supportive husband, had a career and travelled etc etc, but I still had that “What the fuck have we done?!” moment when sleep deprived with a newborn who wanted to cluster feed all night. But you forget about that quickly I found (or rather the memory of how difficult it was is dulled somewhat). My LO is the best thing that happened to me though. It gets so much easier.

26 is young but not that young. I actually wish I had met my DH earlier to have started in our late twenties.

Awww, sounds lovely. Your kids are grown and you're still quite young!

I was a bit older than spicedlemonpie when I had mine@rowin but like a bunch of others, have loved being a parent. It's had its trials and tribulations and hasn't always been easy, (TEENAGERS!) 😬But I would never have changed a thing.

90% of the time has been enjoyable and fun and wonderful! They've left education now, and don't need me at all hardly but I am always there if they do! They are wonderful young people, who bring so much joy to my life (and DH's!) Could never be without them!

Congratulations on your pregnancy news. How wonderful! 26 is a lovely age. Younger is OK, and so is older, but 26 is fab IMO.

My mum was 26 when she had me. I love the fact I'm about to turn 50 and she's still here. I don't think I'll be around when my children turn 50. It's a great age to have children.
Life doesn't end when you have a baby. I still went out and saw friends when mine were babies. Sometimes I was knackered but after the first couple of years you get your mojo back.

Had my first at 16 my second at 18.
I loved it and still do their 19 & 20 now.
Best 2 things in my life wouldnt change them for the world and would not turn the clock back to have them older.
Eldest is 21 this year moved out got a fab partner shes part of the family now and im part of hers.
My youngest has been in his new home 3 weeks .
On with the next chapter of my life now.

I absolutely adore my DC, but I don't enjoy being a parent.

I don't like it, but it's great. It's not meant to be 'enjoyable'. It's fulfilling and they can be great fun.

The decision is entirely yours. An involved co-parent and support network make a great difference.

If having children is wrong for you, it's wrong for you. If you're weighing things up - 26 isn't 16. I do have friends having a first child in their 40s who find it extraordinarily difficult and exhausting. If you think you want children, there's a lot to be said for having them slightly younger, when your energy levels are higher.

I also have friends who did not expect to have to deal with secondary fertility, who would definitely have started their families earlier if they had known they might have issues.

No, I don’t like it.

Love both my children but do regret having them, if I had my time again, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have them.

Yes. I do like it. I think it’s a big part of my identity and I am happy with that. I have a good job and a partner and friends and things but in my brain none of it means as much to me as my DC do. They are grown now but never far from my thoughts. I talk to them all the time. I get excited to see them. They also drive me crazy 😂

It was hard I was a single mum we had no money then. But I don’t even look back with sad or negative memories on that now, I have the rose tinted specs on about how much I miss it. It’s not till they are grown that you realise what an amazing time it was, it just felt so bloody hard at the time but all worth it. I recall it was hard but I wouldn’t swap any of it at all.

I am happier when they are happy too so it’s hard work not letting their feelings really drag you down. Today is a good day so I might answer differently tomorrow 😂.

No one enjoys it all the time and it is the most testing thing you will ever do but fundamentally it is worth it. So hard to explain why.. that kind of love is equally exhilarating and suffocating at the same time.