Do you like being a parent?

@rowin If you want a large family, you need to start a little earlier - unless you're planning on having triplets.

Say you have one baby, breastfeed for a year, then go back to work for a long-enough period to have enough time served for another maternity leave. Then, there is the period of the next pregnancy, breastfeeding, and work. The time adds up, and it can also take a few months or even longer of trying.

Tbh, asking if you like being a parent is like saying do you like being married. Some do, some don't.

only up until very recently it’s been utterly taboo to admit you don’t like being a parent and to a great extent it still is.

I only have one child. I wanted to get pregnant, I wanted to have a baby. I wasn't prepared for how life changing it is. In both good and bad ways.

That being said, my sister who is a year older than me (38) was umming and ahhhing and I said if you're on the fence don't do it. (Tbh her partner is an arsehole so that may have factored into my comment).

But it is harder than I thought. My preconceptions of parents and children have all been altered. I have a lot of guilt when I am doing something for me or if I go for a meal with friends.

If I could turn back time after knowing what it is like, I don't know I would do it again. I love my son so much, but I am so lucky that he was a very easy baby and has a very sweet personality (now 4 yrs old) - I love chatting with him but its just everything else - house, job, food shops and money and I just feel tired all the time.

DC is only three but yes, I LOVE being a parent, and am fortunate to have my dream of being a sahm.

However, I had my child at 40. I'd done all the travelling and partying etc and don't miss those things any more. Also, I have a supportive husband and no money worries. My child is generally pretty easy. I don't know if I'd have been a good parent in my 20s or with a challenging child.

On the whole though, I wish I'd had my first sooner. Life didn't work out that way for me, but I am sad that it was too late for me to have more than one.

Tbh, asking if you like being a parent is like saying do you like being married. Some do, some don't.

Even though my 2 DDS were easy babies & really good kids I still struggled. I was never particularly maternal but I thought I 'ought' to have kids. Not the best reason really but I don't regret it. The toddler stage is probably the hardest with early mornings and broken sleep & just having to keep your eye on them all the flipping time. They are now 20 & 15 and great company. My eldest is at uni 200 miles away and we talk like friends most days. My youngest has a fantastic sense of humour & I am extremely close to both of them. I honestly don't know what else I'd have done if I hadn't had kids

Fair enough, too literal!

Not to be unpleasant, but you are not guaranteed to have this. I am an immigrant and my mum has no grandchildren near her. The way things are going, I expect many British people to emigrate too.

It's a mistake to expect your DC to be close to you, either literally or metaphorically.

Its been so hard, really really hard but there is nothing else I would rather be doing even if sometimes I do feel out of my depth.

There is nothing that compares to having my son and being his mummy

@Msmbc yes to this.
Plus everything gets harder to do. Snails pace walks, getting into the car, getting ready. The stress of carrying a screaming child out of Tescos so it looks like an abduction.
Normal mess to clean up versus toddler mess.
Very little is left of yourself. However, I do love it and there are moments of pure joy in and amongst the crayon art work on newly painted walls. You can be told you're hated and loved in the same sentence. Best bits are the cuddles and seeing them achieve things.

I've absolutely loved it. My kids weren't easy by any means, they're both ND and we've had some really tough times. But I adored them both from the moment I set eyes on them, they are the light of my life and I have never regretted having them for a second. They are 21 and 19 now.

I adore it. It's not easy and there are frequent moments where I feel totally overwhelmed and overstimulated. We are poorer, tired-er, have less time to ourselves, less sex, my body is a wreck. But it's hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Being their mum and watching them grow is the greatest privilege of my life.

Yes my mother was one of them . And I wouldn't have kids either now if I knew then what I do now. Mine thankfully are all grown.

Everyone who is struggling with not having enough time for themselves, it goes quickly and gets a lot better! I am at the stage where I have too much timeon my own, and have to beg DC to spend time with me!

I enjoyed being a mother to one.
But my next two have autism and it's so hard.
I wouldn't be without them but I do sometimes wish I'd have only had one x

What the poster is saying that with hindsight she may have not chosen to be a mother. That doesn't stop her loving her daughter but not liking the parent obligations and lifestyle restrictions.

I absolutely adore my daughter, but I honestly think I only had children because it was the 'next thing' after marriage.

I'm a very goal-driven person. I like my own space, my big hobbies and passions. Parenting is a very monotonous job which just doesn't suit who I am.

It's one of the reasons I've only stuck at one and I've finally got myself to a point where I have a good balance, but I can't help but wonder where I could be now if I didn't have her.

And with that, comes a lot of guilt. I have to stop myself comparing myself to other mums who spend every minute with their multiple kids, doing crafts and whatever all day. I'm the sort of mum who puts her DD into nursery so I can go do my hobby for a day.

I don't see myself as a bad mum necessarily, just not the mum I feel I 'should' be. My DD is happy and healthy, and me being the way I am, she's given great opportunities. But I'm very self absorbed and I would really struggle to put the needs of multiple others before my own. I can just about do it with one.

Might as well be honest. Thing is OP, we never really know until we give it a try, and at that point it's too late!

I don't think I regret my decision to have a child, but I perhaps would regret it if I had any more, knowing what I know now.

Yes, I feel my world has shrunk down a lot. I was happy with that in the earlier years, but now I'm starting to resent it as it's getting harder not easier as they both have issues and DH and I still don't have the freedom we though we'd have.

This is how it is for me too. Going through the teenage years with two DCs now and it's so hard, the worrying never stops and I can't see and end to it. The baby, toddler and primary ages were a doddle.
Also, we had/have no family support whatsoever. Didn't mind when they were younger, as we managed fine with paid childcare but now they are at an age when they need us a lot emotionally and school work/extra curricular etc so it just seems busier than it's ever been. When they were tiny, the issues were small and surmountable and inconsequencial, unlike now.

My world has definitely opened up. I took my DC everywhere. I travelled with them from when they were 6 month and took them to activities that weren;t just child friendly. It was harder, but not claustrophobic. As they grew, I learnt a lot from them.

I'm quite intrigued by this. What's it opened you up to?

I feel like my world has shrunk right down, to our house, school, playgrounds, parks, and child-friendly activities (which can be great fun but would not be my first choice). I find having a child incredibly restrictive - I can never just do my own thing, I always have to check whether my partner's free and available to parent first.

Being a parent is, for me, quite claustrophic. I accept it is just my life right now, but the idea that it's opened up anyone's world is baffling to me.

I had my DD at 27 so similar age, then DS at 30 - I've loved being a mum, I get on well with my two, we have a lot of fun and home life/my marriage is stronger having children.
It's very expensive and my career has taken a hit - I couldn't afford two in nursery which meant I had such a lovely long time off with them pre nursery age. I'm 40 now and work is back on track but always a juggle and often stressful trying to be everywhere and do everything- saying that we have no support at all from family so it's on us to make it work.

You won't be a particularly young mum but do whatever is right for you.

You won’t know how it will affect you. You might hate it, you might like it.

Im 12 years in and overall I enjoy it. I think what makes it enjoyable is the child I have through. Since she was young we’ve had great conversations. I was also lucky with my support system and didn’t give up too much. Had a career and also managed to invest in hobbies. Although I am that mum that took my DD everywhere if I was struggling for childcare (if ahe appropriate). She was well behaved and it meant I could still develop myself.

I was 20 when I had her so I feel that I had “less to loose”. I’m now expecting my second in my early 30s and honestly I enjoy my old life so much, even with my DD that the potential change is freaking me out. I hope I enjoy parenting 2 children but it’s a scary thought not knowing the unknown and for me it’s pausing everything I’ve built and holding my breath until baby is old enough for me to press play again that making me anxious.

Overall I’m so glad I am experiencing parenting. But I’m also keeping my expectations low and planning to take each day as it comes. It’s also important to keep building your community.

I love being a parent. I have a 15yo son and 8yo daughter. They are both wonderful in different ways. Life is never boring with kids. It is very rewarding raising children. It's also pure luck mostly how they turn out! There is no manual. We are all winging it. You never really know if you've screwed it up until they reach adulthood. Generally though mine seem to be doing alright. They are bright, happy kids. They can come to us with anything (and they often do), we are fortunate enough that they don't want for anything like we did when we were kids (we are not well off but we both work and manage our money well). I'm very proud of my children.