Do you like being a parent?

@rowin I certainly wasn't ready at your age. I was still in the early ish stage of my career and enjoying a very happy and active child free life. When I was ready I loved every second (and I mean every second) of being a parent and I still do now they are young adults. But I was secure financially, secure in my relationship, I had a nice place to live, lots of good friends- I'm not sure I would have wanted to do it without all that.

You have to commit, you have to surrender and you have to say goodbye to the life you knew before.

I could not disagree more with this and I think it’s terrible advice. Holding onto a sense of self is what keeps people sane in the early years of motherhood. So so important not to become “just” mum. People who do this are the same people who emerge in middle age feeling bleak, without any outside interests or friendships and feel they were robbed of who they were. Mothers are still people, not just vessels for other people’s needs.

It’s true that your life will change drastically and abruptly. You will have no free time for five or six years. You won’t get a decent nights sleep and it will be hard to maintain hobbies or a social life. Some friendships will fall be the wayside, maybe temporarily, maybe not. Life changes.

But that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice who you are on the altar of martyred mothers. Hold onto yourself.

I had my eldest at 27, she's 13 now and I have loved her (and her brother) so intensely, it's tiring and expensive but being a parent has made me braver, happier and excited for the future.

Hi there. I am an undergraduate psychology student undergoing my final year dissertation, and am looking into chat forums to study the representations of women who are unhappy being mothers. I have linked an information sheet covering everything you need to know regarding my study and the handling of your data, and would really appreciate if you could give this a read, and reply to this if you would not want your comments to be used. Thank you for taking the time to read this :)

I genuinely think there's never a 'right time' to have children.

I have two DDs and a DS on the way. Sometimes parenting is really hard work, but the delightful parts more than make up for it. I had my first at 31, but I do wish I'd had them a bit earlier in my life (not that I could have because I'd only been with my now DH for a couple of months when I fell pregnant with my first 😆).

My DDs are 2 and 4yo, but I feel like I have a 'normal' life that's not too dissimilar to how it was pre-children. Me and DH both work full time, I see my friends, we go out, we do stuff, I do stuff alone, I find time to do things I enjoy without feeling like I'm missing out on my kids' lives.

It's both the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was 37 when I had DS; I'd have liked to be a couple of years younger but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. However, I wasn't ready for children until I was in my early-mid 30s (didn't start trying till I was 34) and I’m very glad I got to travel, build my career and enjoy my freedom until then.

DS is nearly two and I still struggle with the lack of sleep, but he gets easier and more fun to be with every day. We're now facing the dilemma of whether to try for another or not; I’m not ready yet, but if we wait until DS is three or four (which would be my preference in terms of age gap) I'll be 40 or 41 and there's no guarantee we'll be able to conceive a healthy baby at that point.

My DD also loves that I’m a ‘younger’ Mum. Even though I’m now approaching 40s. I had ‘older’ parents (had me early 40s so not really old by today’s standards) and it didn’t bother me when I was little but as a teen I hated it, I found it so embarrassing when people mistook my Dad for my Granddad. So I understand why my and your DDs feel this way.

Im 40 with a 16 year old, 13 year old and a 2 year old....I wouldnt recommend having babies this late. I am absolutely knackered and my body is destroyed, it didnt bounce back like with the older two and running after a toddler is exhausting

Honestly? with two teen girls and a 2 year old boy right now Id say Hell no!!! But i love them beyond comprehension, and the feelings you experience as a parent make it all worth it

Became a mum for the first time at 26 and it's the best thing I've ever done. The timing was good, I'm not an old mum (I don't particularly care about this but my 3 DDs seem to) but did mean I had the DC when I had plenty of energy (family completed by 31). I couldn't have coped with a new baby after 40, no way. There's a reason we are meant to have them earlier.

I had a happy life pre kids.Good friends and a loving family and valued my independence. I am very blessed to be a mum of 3. I do enjoy it. We have no family support, Dh is as much a hands on parent as I am which helps. I am confident in the choices I make as a parent and know I am truing my best. I work too and have routines foe myself which helps me keep on top of everything I need to do. It isn't always easy but it is rewarding for me at least.

OP - you say you have a lovely, supportive partner and that you would like a family at some point - starting before you are 30.

Is your current partner the one that you foresee having this family with ? As I think that is key.

If you do see yourself with this person starting a family in a couple of years time - be aware that you can't guarantee of conceiving at the point that you hope. And having a baby doesn't mean that you will never be able to go out again.

OTOH if you are unsure of your partner, remember a child will tie you to them for life (in some respect).

In answer to did I enjoy being a parent ? Absolutely . I was 10 years older than you when I had DC and still wasn't too sure about it - but best thing I've ever done.

I'm 50/50. I had issues conceiving and had a child with the wrong man. That's a huge regret but nothing I can do now. I find it tedious often but now he's 6 and able to do more it has gotten better.
I'm newly married and we have spoken about kids but I'm 37 and tbh I'm not keen to be kept child rearing until my mid 50s.

Love it.

Honestly, yes. It's the best feeling in the world. I have one much loved and much wanted dc. He's 18 now and a fantastic lad. I adored every stage of parenting from newborn through to teen years. Every stage brings different challenges and interests, it's never boring! Being a mum/parent is wonderfully rewarding with wonderful memories and unconditional love. Also, Me and DH loved each so much we wanted to create a baby of our own.

I feel like it’s opened my world up too, in this way: I used to go to the forest for a run and just fly through not really looking at anything properly. Now I go slowly, find the best climbing trees, peer at the animal tracks, admire a feather. Even walking round our neighbourhood, there’s always so much to discover.

Honestly I absolutely love being a parent even though it’s not easy.
I have found these teen years the hardest with a dc who has MH issues.
I don’t feel like I gave anything up as I was young when I had them, probably missed out on stuff but I’m young enough now that I can still do all the things I may have missed back then.
They gave me a real purpose as when I fell pregnant I was free falling through life (what 18 year old isn’t?!) and I’ve just genuinely loved it all, the baby days, the toddler days, even really enjoying the teen years. One is living at uni now and one just about to finish college and the youngest is 13.
I don’t think i’ll ever not be worried about them in some way though! I have lost sleep with worry, got more sleep when they were babies tbh 😂

It can be hard and relentless but I have never regretted having my children, in fact I wish I’d started earlier so I could have had more. Your life will change hugely so that’s something you have to be ready for. My four year old DS told me tonight as I was putting him to bed, I love you mummy, you’re my best friend. That right there makes every second worth it.

I love it, I'm honoured to be mum, my kids are great

Go for it OP. DH and I had an amazing life by all accounts before DD1 arrived but honestly, it’s even better now. We have 5 girls now and wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s different, yes, but wonderful.

Not really

I think it's just a shock as I don't know if I want to give up my current life right now, but then again I will probably always feel like this.

Having had similar thoughts, I won’t lie, saying it is a big adjustment would be an understatement, but I would never want to go back to my life pre children.

I was a different person before children. I much prefer this version of myself. Having children has been the best, and hardest, thing that has ever happened to me.

I really love it, I however was desperate to be a parent and I was lucky that I could plan so that when they came along I could afford to work part time, so I have time to parent and maintain my hobbies and friendships without it being a big battle. Seeing those two little people every day is amazing.

My baby was a complete surprise pregnancy but he has made my life so much better!! I was 25 when I had him and he is 2 and a half now and I absolutely love being his mum!!

Being a parent is hard and amazing at the same time, if you expect one or the other, especially the latter, you will find it harder to adjust. I had mine at 42, I wasn’t sure completely during the pregnancy if I was ready for it, 2 years later I can honestly say this child is the joy of my life, and yet I do also enjoy my time in the office for some me time. No regrets.