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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave 14 year old for 4 days with 18 year old sibling?

162 replies

boyohboys · 27/02/2024 12:07

18 year old has A levels so not wanting to go anywhere which is, but 14 year old also keen to stay at home too - AIBU to leave a 14 & 18 year plus be responsible 2 dogs & a cat for 4 days?

I suspect my judgement is somewhat clouded by the practicalities of youngest being there as he will happily take care of the dogs & other pets whereas oldest wouldn't want the dogs there so I'd have to find weekend boarding which is tricky. We have lovely immediate neighbours and a good network of local friends they could call or I could ask to pop in, but of course can arrange for youngest to stay with a pal and I'm sure find somewhere for the dogs if need be.
We'd be leaving very early but Thursday/Friday morning as opposed to 7:30 work department so they'd get themselves to school & dog sitter would come in the day. After school they'd be getting themselves home and whereas we'd usually get in around 6ish, they'd be fending for themselves. Both self-sufficient and pretty sensible & no issues with the odd late home from work or out socialising but have never done overnight. Weekend they'd be at revising, gaming or out doing usual stuff like going to the gym, meeting mates in the park but of course home alone the entire time. We get back very late Sunday night.

The more I write the less certain I am but still interested to hear what other thinks.

OP posts:
FrenchieF · 28/02/2024 18:18

Actually maybe I would if i had a close friend or family member close by if they needed.

FrenchieF · 28/02/2024 18:16

Yes I could do this with my children. I haven’t and don’t think I would though, but they’d be fine.

Duechristmas · 28/02/2024 17:31

Only you can know the answer as only you know your children. I did it but mine get on well. I also had a failsafe if something hadn't worked out.

Yellowpingu · 28/02/2024 17:16

How does the 18 year old feel about it? I think they should have a say in the decision about whether they’re going to be responsible for their sibling and pets. If they agree then I’d be tempted to have a trial run of a couple of nights before the wedding

KreedKafer · 28/02/2024 16:52

Depends completely on the siblings themselves and what their relationship is like. My brother and I would have been perfectly fine for a few days at these ages - he was a reliable lad and I was an easy and sensible teenager.

Allyliz · 28/02/2024 16:06

You know your own children ..if you think that they'll be responsible enough then that should be fine. Just make sure neighbours know that you're away and they can keep an eye open...as long as they have trusted adults close by that they can reach out to in an emergency all should be good.

AmazingLemonDrizzle · 28/02/2024 15:50

Wow he's actually got an exam that day. Must admit that would take precedence over an adults only trip for me.

PurpleBugz · 28/02/2024 15:22

I think it's fine if you feel kids are responsible. At 14 I did 3 nights caring for a 2 year old and 4 year old I used to babysit!

Andylion · 28/02/2024 15:16

Why can’t the 18 year old take care of the dogs?

Flyeeeeer · 28/02/2024 15:10

It has bugger all to do with age. It's their maturity you need to consider. If they are sensible, no problem.
I would have been fine at 14. My cousin however would have been a liability even at 19!

Original poster
boyohboys · 28/02/2024 13:49

OneFrenchEgg · 28/02/2024 13:26

Nope. I can't think of a combination amongst my kids that wouldn't :

Be fine together as they get on but fail to also maintain security and safety
Fall out within a day and ring me constantly to complain
Lock themselves out the house while the other was somewhere else
Leave a shit tip for me to come back to
Forget to attend school/be late/somehow make out id abandoned them and invoke social care

@OneFrenchEgg

Be fine together as they get on but fail to also maintain security and safety

If they burn some toast the smoke alarm goes off, if they don't lock the door it certainly wouldn't be the first time the first month I went back to work it turns out no0one locked the front door. They are pretty sensible kids, both have jobs, get themselves about and I really wouldn't worry about the safety or security side.

Fall out within a day and ring me constantly to complain
Can't see it. More likely there will be swearing then they just ignore each other.

Leave a shit tip for me to come back to
Highly likely. I will moan, they will be marginally apologetic and with some nagging get it sorted. Much like usual.

Forget to attend school/be late/somehow make out id abandoned them and invoke social care
I will ring DS18 on the Thursday whilst we're at the airport to make sure he's up he has an exam at 9am that day but otherwise it's on them. There is an adult present social care would have zero interest and they are more likely to complain I'm over protective than abandoning them!

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 28/02/2024 13:26

Nope. I can't think of a combination amongst my kids that wouldn't :

Be fine together as they get on but fail to also maintain security and safety
Fall out within a day and ring me constantly to complain
Lock themselves out the house while the other was somewhere else
Leave a shit tip for me to come back to
Forget to attend school/be late/somehow make out id abandoned them and invoke social care

Bagpuss2022 · 28/02/2024 13:23

I would and in pretty identical situation but 19 and 14 and also boy girl but no pets we are leaving them tomorrow from lunch till Friday evening so one overnight.
If this goes well we have going away abroad in May for a week and they will be staying home together the eldest will be 20 then . The youngest has a choice to stay with grandma who’s only 5 minutes away but she wants to stay home with big bro they don’t argue.

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 28/02/2024 13:21

So long as the siblings have a decent relationship I think this is fine.

New2024 · 28/02/2024 13:19

It’s the 18 year old I wouldn’t be leaving alone. They are about to sit exams so I’d not be going anywhere without them

Abouttimeforanamechange · 28/02/2024 13:16

it's not the 18 years responsibility to baby sit

'Baby sit'??? A fourteen year old?

Original poster
boyohboys · 28/02/2024 13:12

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Had a sit down with the DC last night and have come up with a plan that we are all happy with:

DS 18 will stay home all weekend feed cats & sort himself out. He is right in the think of exams so whilst I might usually be worried about parties, even if he's up for it I doubt many of his mates would be as they are all quite academic. Never say never and rules will be in place.

DS 14 can stay here Thursday night then Friday stay at a friend straight from school. He & friend then coming back to ours for Saturday night. Know him & parents well, zero drama and have stayed home alone together before at ours & theirs usually just gaming & eating pizza (thankfully yet to discover a social life!). He might have sport on Sunday but can arrange a lift - he's very low maintenance & self-sufficient so can barely imagine much interaction with his brother let alone drama!

I'm still working on dogs and have contacted some local home boarders as all agreed it would be easier if they we could drop them somewhere Wednesday evening and have them dropped back Saturday afternoon so only really 24 hours for the boys' to cover. Might have to pay a bit extra for sole charge (yes uncastrated is the reason for no kennels @stayathomer ) & drop-off but it would be good to find someone anyway so fingers crossed it all works out.

Really helpful & feeling quite thankful my kids are self reliant enough for this to be an option.

OP posts:
CormorantStrikesBack · 28/02/2024 13:10

Is the 14yo going to listen to the 18yo if necessary? Is the 18yo going to be sensible? Do they normally get on?

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 28/02/2024 13:07

With the right 14yr old it would be absolutely fine, so it comes down to you know your kids best. We do baby kids quite a lot these days. (In some ways for the better, but not always)
My babysitter started with me when she was 14 and my little one was a few months old (I was self employed and worked in an annex at home, so close by) she was and still is amazing and would be calm in a crisis, so she would have 100% been fine looking after herself and a few animals for 4 days.
However I work with teenagers....and some of them most definitely would not be!
Sounds to me like your kids will be fine, but as I said, you know them best.

Mh67 · 28/02/2024 13:04

No the 14 year old is too young for 4 days and it's not the 18 years responsibility to baby sit

shearwater2 · 28/02/2024 12:52

That's quite different to what the OP is suggesting though.

Vonesk · 28/02/2024 11:37

I was left with a sibling at 15.For weekend, regularly .
It was lonely as sibling went out and left me alone. I would go into town alone, walk down long dark lanes late at night. I could have been abducted.
The young teen us not going to be indoors under lock and key. Theyll go out and be in danger.
Never brainwash yourself and think ' its okay'

Abouttimeforanamechange · 28/02/2024 11:33

Yes of course 18 year old can be responsible but being responsible for your own baby/travelling is very different to a carefree 14 year old who is unlikely to listen to you tell them to wash up.

I don't think it's the 18yo's business to be 'telling' a 14yo to wash up. Parents can set ground rules about how they expect the house to look when they return (clean and tidy, washing up done etc), otherwise leave them to it.

If the 14yo is likely to go wild in parents' absence, then no don't leave him/her. But the average 14yo should be capable of getting him/herself up and out to school, getting something to eat, doing homework, tidying up after him/herself and getting to bed at a reasonable hour without needing instructions or supervision.

Menapausemum1974 · 28/02/2024 11:32

stayathomer · 27/02/2024 14:20

It’s a very long time - 4 days! I always think the things to worry less about are the things people bring up such as burglary or fire- the more realistic one (for us here) is eg dog getting out and the kids running off at night time to find him, or getting a fright because of something. There’s also the looking after themselves aspect, eg keeping relatively clean and eating! Op it’s very strange you can’t find a kennels- our crazy cocker spaniel was about 1 when he went to a kennels- nobody had a problem with age? Maybe try some more?

@stayathomer the issue will be it’s not neutered

JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls · 28/02/2024 11:09

My parents left my 18 year old sister in charge of me and our brother when we were 13 and 11. For 2 weeks. It was fine. I think responsible children at this age for 4 nights is fine. 18 is an adult and could easily have children of their own and 14 is actually pretty independent, with the added security of an 18 year old sibling.

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