Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

Tbh I give most "kudos" to those working FT or PT in low paid roles while juggling childcare and housework.

I don't think badly of those in well paid careers or SAHMs, but they don't have quite such a hard life IMO.

I think many people think like this but the reality is always more complex than simply whether someone is a SAHP or WOHP.

1. Earned - lots of people have benefitted from unearned advantage. Whether it be their parents giving them money to fund a house deposit, benefitting from a trust fund or nepotism at work.
2. Being self sufficient - many people work and their family still claim tax credits and need support from the government . Many SAHPs are part of a family unit that are net contributors from a tax perspective. Many WOHPs need two incomes in order to afford their lifestyle and therefore aren't self sufficient as individuals.
3. Not looking for handouts - again see earlier points. In my experience lots of families with two working parents rely on help either from the government or from family.
4. Provide for the family - there are many ways to provide for the family. You can earn money but you can also cook, clean and care for dependents etc All of these things are necessary for family life and it's misleading to focus on the financial elements alone.
5. Truly being equal in a relationship - again this is a concept that goes way beyond the financial and is all about the structure and dynamics of a relationship. It encompasses things like personality, control and respect. Having two WOHPs doesn't guarantee an equal relationship, even from a financial perspective. The amount of women that end up paying for child related expenses or funding their own maternity leave is outrageous.

It depends on your circle but all through primary working parents felt free to tell me how demanding their day was, wanging on about work and stress but how they could never "do what you do and not work" how they would be bored etc etc. Now the kids are older in secondary they do the opposite and tell me how lucky I was to have "all that time" with dd.
Some people will just never be happy because they don't want to be. Most of these women could have stayed at home but decided the kudos of "doing it all" was more important to them, and some of them regret it. You do what you feel is right and sod whatever anyone else says. I wish I had known this when I was worrying in primary I was setting a bad example to dd and all of the other rubbish I was bombarded with.

I think acknowledging a man or woman’s career achievements is common place. I also see parents congratulated if their kids are well behaved or “a credit to them”

i can’t imagine anything quite as condescending as oh jeanie works so hard to take care of her kids, unless there were additional needs.

we all work hard to look after our kids. It’s not unique to those who don’t work outside the home.

As with all things, OP, women are damned if they do (ie maintain career) and damned if they don't (take more junior pt role or become a SAHM). That said, I know lots of women in professional roles who work PT in their original field.

But everyone is compromising and everyone is judged, to a certain extent. Whatever their balancing act is. Essentially someone will judge you and find you wanting, whatever your work life balance is!

People make positive comments about my job and how well I do managing everything but my son is often home alone so it's rubbish. I would prefer to be able to work part time and be the mum I have always wanted to be rather than having to work full time in a very demanding job as I'm a single parent. I don't care if people think I do a good job at work and think my job is great. I would prefer to be a part time worker and be able to focus more on being a mum.

This is an odd question

Of course women who actually achieve something get more kudos than women who keep children alive. One is difficult the other is not.

Well yes, being a SAHM is undervalued.

But having been a SAHM and now a "career woman"

The actual difference, and why I do think WOHM mother's have it harder, is that we have the exact same demands at home as we did before, just now less time to do it in. So I do think that deserves recognition.

And I say that with a DH who is a very hands on parent/domestic guy who doesn't leave everything to me.

The children, even though they're older, have the same demands of me but now they have bigger (and more consequential) problems than they did when they were toddlers/young school children.

And my work demands a lot too.

So no, kudos isn't required. But actually it's understandable.

Very true, it's been done on mn so many times and I always get sucked in!

I dunno, I'm part time but I'm juggling two jobs so about 4 days pw altogether.

I'm not sure who you mean who gives the kudos - I feel more ashamed of how messy my house always is, because dh and I never have time to sort it properly and our weekly cleaner only has time to firefight the clutter hoard.

My ILs affectionately shake their heads and unpromptedly clean our kitchen/trim our hedges etc each time they visit.

I'd feel more proud of myself if I had a tidy home. But I'd miss my job and the income

I think some jobs deserve more “kudos” actually. If I ever met a Dr or a Vet I would internally be giving them kudos because I know how long they’ve trained and I know I’m not clever enough to do it ( and I’m very very grateful for them). I give kudos to teachers because I know the bloody bureaucratic nightmare it is and my brief experience home schooling has taught me I don’t have the temperament. There’s all sorts of jobs I give kudos for ( not necessarily professional ones) because we need them and I’m grateful for them. What other people do with their families doesn’t really impact me personally so I tend not to think about it.

Um, it's in your thread title.

I work 4 days a week and so does DH. So we each have her 1 day per week and she is in nursery the other 3 days. But tbh my job hasn't changed so I feel pretty much full time just paid less 🙃

I've never had anyone praise me for working or having a career! If anything I get the opposite, particularly from my mum who thinks I'm some kind of deviant for not staying at home with DD, and I've had a few barbed comments from more part time colleagues about 'not wanting to spend more time with my child'.

The difference in how people view my working arrangements vs DHs is honestly astounding. He gets praise HEAPED on him and treated like he is some kind of super dad for being PT and pulling his weight. It actually grinds my gears a lot that we do exactly the same but I'm seen as a lesser mum for working whereas he's seen as a superior dad for the same!

What an odd post.

I don't admire people for having a job or for looking after their kids. Surely these are just basic things that most people do at different points in their lives. Why would you get kudos for them?

I do admire people who have made exceptional contributions to society through their work. But equally, I admire people who have made exceptional contributions to society in a more traditional "caring" capacity, e.g. those who have fostered loads of vulnerable children.

But expecting kudos for looking after your own family in a way that happens to suit you? No, sorry, that's what we all do in one way or another, and it's weird to expect a pat on the back for it.

This is one of those debates that will go round in circles.

I feel that "career women" get criticised for not spending enough time with their children. In your OP you say you wish people would say "Oh, Jean works so hard to take care of her kids." Does that mean you think that women that work don't work hard to take care of their kids. I feel I manage to work hard to feed and clothe and house them and also all the other aspects of taking care of their mental and physical wellbeing.

Oh goody, another thread encouraging women to take chunks out of each other.

Seriously, who cares what choices other people make? focus on your own life.

There is something admirable and praiseworthy about:

1. Earned (not given)
2. being self sufficient
3. not looking for handouts
4. Provide for the family
5. truly being an equal in a relationship

working women are also full time mothers!

Well the gap widens when the cpuple split up then there is panic about not affording to live or pensions

I presume people do what works for them and gets on with it regardless of what others think, like the mature people they are?

I really don't care what other women choose to do with their life.
Full time "career" type job or full time job job.
SAHM.
Part timer.
Own business selling sweet cones online.
Whatever.
I don't care and don't think any choice is better or worse.

Isn't career women in your title?

Ha! It’s in the thread title.

career women

We live in a capitalist society where people’s value is based on how much they earn, sadly.

it’s also a patriarchal society which devalues traditional female roles ( when an industry is male dominated, pay levels are higher than female dominated roles. This is regardless of complexity of role)

I’m a full time working mum. I’d say both roles have challenges, but I chose to work because I enjoy it

I know I definitely admire women (and men) who are parents and manage to combine this with successful careers, since becoming a mum myself. Until I did become a mum, I didn't realise how hard it would be. The juggle, logistics, sickness, time pressures, trying to prioritise quality time and activities with the children and then both working in the evenings to catch up after bedtime etc and do the household chores.

Time at home on maternity, or my partners paternity (shared leave), has been easier for us in our experience. So I really admire those who do manage to do 'it all' and make it look effortless, because we know how tough it is. That might be where some of the admiration is coming from.

But it's equally valid to be at home or part time, and one day I might like to go part time, as might my partner