Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

Being a working mum is hard. To hold down a career and be a good mum is very hard.

These women deserve praise.

Nope. I'm saying that society offers kudos for jobs that are societally beneficial. It doesn't always identify which ones do this, but that's the principle underlying the kudos. And that's as it should be - people who do the most essential jobs that everyone needs to be done should 100% be receiving kudos.

SAHP is not societally beneficial (above and beyond being a parent full stop), so like with jobs that offer no societal benefit, society doesn't give those doing it kudos.

In your title

😂

So basically you’re saying anyone who works should be given kudos for purely working? That’s a different argument. I assumed this post was more about giving kudos to women for how they cope with their family unit and how they are in general. Besides, most sahp do return to the workforce. And contribute to the economy with all the coffee buying and doing things in the local community, like taking up all the space in the local cafes and play centres 🤣 (I say this as an ex sahm)

Well yes, because they are doing something more difficult than those who just stay at home.

Really not sure how some are struggling to get this

Which is how it should be! You’re both incredible! Luckily I’m the same with my friends. We’re all in different situations and we respect each other.

Yes, that's the other way society gets it wrong - it assumes benefit where there may be actual harm (financial trading etc.).

I didn't say it was less important. I said it doesn't have a societal benefit. A person may well be a better parent if they work fewer hours but that's not the same as SAHP having a societal benefit. If there were evidence that SAHP are raising 'better' humans for the next generation than those working then boom, societal benefit. But there isn't. The benefit is to oneself, one's kids and one's family unit. Not something anyone else should be expected to give kudos for.

Picture it the other way around - a dad decides to work part time or be at home with his kids instead. What is your view on that? Is it negative too? If not, why? I think it’s more to do with fighting sexism for women then because there is something wrong with being at home.

I didn't say it was negative. I said it was neutral. And yes, it would apply to men just as to women (which is why I used the term SAHP and not SAHM).

I wish we weren't in competition. Life is hard enough at times without running each other down.

The thread about should I agree with my friend to keep the peace that being a sahp to three preschoolers is harder than working has brought out the worst of us...

But the working parents have also done that and they are getting extra kudos. That’s the point.

I think it just depends on who you know really doesnt it

I have a friend who is single but coparents well with her ex. She works fulltime and was studying last year too. And I am so incredibly proud of her. She has done so well balancing everything ( she has had a very difficult time )

I am a single mum with zero support, I do not work and my friend always tells me what a good job I do with my kids, how well I'm doing raising them and how proud she is of me for slowly getting mentally better over the years

I feel she deserves more admiration than me for juggling so much and doing so well but she feels I deserve more admiration for doing it all on my own

But really, we are just two mums just trying our best for ourselves and our kids

Working is a hell of a lot easier than being with my sen kid all day, especially with how it affects your mental health. My husband feels the same and he is in a very ‘difficult’ high powered job. So it really depends actually.

I've had office jobs where I could do the work in the first hour and faff about doing my own utilities/emails for house repairs, deliveries etc, which . I got paid a low but decent wage but felt like a monkey in a cage. I'd rather spend the time with my kids, but then I have to do those at home while they are around rather than in the peace and quiet of an office with an income and free coffee.

I have quite a prestigious career - a PhD, well-regarded employer, a job that would definitely raise people's eyebrows a bit. Honestly, no one ever asks me what I do! I have had people who have known dh and I for years and were surprised I worked. 😂I think they see the financial success we've had and they see that dh and I are generally around (we both work quite flexibly) and they assume that I must be at home and dh must be working, and just never thought to ask.

Around here, thinking about the mum's I know from school, none of them have 'big jobs'. Some of them do a bit of part-time admin for their dh's or are 'farmer's wives'. Some of them work fairly low wage jobs. Some are are at home. So maybe if you are a SAHP or work very part-time, you just assume everyone else does the same and the topic never comes up? I'd love it if someone gave me some kudos for all my hard work though!

Those who work in finance get a lot more kudos than those who are social workers or teachers, which sucks. More pay, more benefits and more kudos.

I think it’s pretty harsh to say someone who looks after their own kids and dedicates their time to that isn’t as important. You can be a good parent in lots of different ways and some people will be a better parent at home, just as some will be a better parent if they work. Being a good parent and supporting your family is important imo. It’s really harsh to say otherwise.

Picture it the other way around - a dad decides to work part time or be at home with his kids instead. What is your view on that? Is it negative too? If not, why? I think it’s more to do with fighting sexism for women then because there is something wrong with being at home.

Why do you think people should get kudos for raising their own children?

Who they decided to have, who they kind of have to look after.

Its an odd post indeed

Kudos from whom? People don't go around giving each other kudos for their lifestyle choices.

Perhaps it's more obvious when it's job-related as there are specific things people might want to celebrate - a promotion, a new dream job, an important deal or commission. So yes they'd absolutely and deservedly get kudos for those things. I can't really think what the equivalent would be for a SAHP.

Ultimately I admire anyone who has managed to get the life they wanted to have, that's no small thing. Whether succeeding in your chosen career or thriving as a parent. I only have one acquaintance who always seems to have sarcastic comments about the SAHMs in our social circle but she's not exactly passionate about her job either so I always wonder if she just doesn't like other people being satisfied with their choices.

oh behave. Caring for your own children is a walk in the park compared to most if not all careers.

Then you should know that it's about a lot more than keeping a child alive. Raising happy, healthy children that go on to be valuable members of society is seldom easy. Almost all the parents I know (many in high pressure careers) would list their children as their biggest achievement.

This isn't about WOH or SAH or any other kind of parenting. It's about parenting in general and acknowledging that it is often bloody difficult. Go on countless threads on this forum and you will have evidence of this. Diminishing this and pretending that only paid work is difficult does a terrible disservice to parents and children.

And which one is harder? Surely it depends on your job or your child? Not everything is linear.

A lot of jobs are beneficial to society, which is why "society" gives kudos to the people working them. Society doesn't always get this right - some jobs are absolutely essential but are not respected and so people working them don't get the kudos. But on the whole, the principle is sound.

Staying at home to look after one's own children is not beneficial to society (there's no evidence that children of SAHP are happier, more successful as a next generation etc. than children of WOHP). Therefore "society" doesn't give kudos to the people doing it. Validation should come from the other parent, IMHO.

They do I think and it can make you feel rubbish and devalued, but I also get it. Women have had to work very hard to be able to be working mums. It’s like how dads who work part time or stay at home are given more kudos now. I wish more people could be accepting and appreciative of all choices women make. Those who work part time or are with the kids 24/7 work dann hard and we should support it.

But I also agree, separate from being a parent, higher paying jobs are given more kudos. It’s like a thread recently where a woman’s son wanted to be a teacher and that was seen as a bad thing and not impressive as he was ‘clever enough’ to do something better ie higher paying.

I have a child and a career. One is lot more difficult than the other.

Its like asking why marathon runners get more kudos than Shelly who jogs her kids to school

Low paid roles are typically low stress. Those in high paid careers are often the most stressed so this comment is a bit at odds with reality

This is a terrifying comment and I hope you don't have children or take on any other caring role.