Do career women get more kudos than part-timers/sahms?

How many children do you have? Do any have any children that are SEN or high needs? How many hours do you spend actively parenting your children and how labour intensive are the activities you do with your children? All these variables will impact your experience of child rearing versus someone else's. It is impossible for you to say that you do more than a 'SAHM' as SAHMs vary so much and it is totally feasible that a SAHM could be doing more than you.

It is also all very well pretending that the childcare is incidental but some SAHMs fill their time actively looking after the child in the same way as a nanny does. This means all the hours you're working and using childcare are still productive hours for a SAHP too. They easily could spend the same hours as you do running the house on top of the hours they spend looking after the children. Remember kids create additional mess and chores by being at home so whilst you think the SAHP can hoover during the day, the chances are they will have to hoover again anyway due to crumbs being made etc.

just because some people struggle with a task doesn’t naturally make the task ‘difficult’

In the same way a nursery worker, childminder or nanny is seen as a worthwhile use of time, whereas being at home with your own baby or toddler(s) isn't.
I know you need qualification/follow early years guidelines in most cases, but some of the activities might be similar to what some parents do with their own children.

Raising a well balanced child in this day and age might not seem difficult to you, but the current behavioural issues in schools tell a very different story. Those who prioritise their children’s development, teach boundaries and manners etc. (whether they are working parents or not) should be applauded. There are good and bad in both camps. Keeping a child alive is the bear minimum.

The only kudos I needed when working part-time, was seeing my child thrive. It’s my job as her parent. My efforts were purely for us, so needed no external validation.

Excelling at something that requires a special set of skills/education/graft etc is something commendable.

I don't know about kudos but I do more than a SAHM. I'm in a very senior exec position and have done the majority of child rearing (with formal and informal childcare of course) as well as running the house. So it is more in terms of volume and responsibility but not sure whether it deserves more kudos.

All I know is that come the age of 35, whether working full time, part time or not at all, kids, no kids, one kid or 3 dogs and a budgie, suddenly all sorts of people feel qualified to judge your life if you're a woman. Whether their judgement be positive or negative, as far as I'm concerned they can all get to fuck.

Both roles are valuable to society in their own specific ways. The advantages of both aren’t comparable.

I've done both and disagree. There are so many variables that it's impossible to say what's harder.

I admire women who have children and also work. It's a lot to juggle.

I also admire a lot of women I know who have children and don't currently work.

In my circle, we tend to speak well of other women and try not to make unhelpful comparisons.

Because in my experience, when you work full time you still look after the house etc and children when you're at home. Being a SAHM is much easier than working full time and having a house to run and children. I've done both so I know.

You are looking at it from the wrong angle. The CEO gets more kudos at work then the shelf stacker. It's all about how easy you are replaced by another person to do your job.

Kudos from whom?

I don't look for approval from anyone. I couldn't care less.

I do get annoyed when one person looks down on somebody else for their own life choices though.

I have observed this a lot. Sneering at people. I think it's bang out of order.

I dont think either sahm or working mum attracts kudos. Both positions really are about your own family's wellbeing. The idea workers work just to pay tax for the grester goid is as daft as the idea sahm are raising their children for the benefit of society.
Most people do both for theselves, and as a side effect pay tax and/or raise chikdren who go on to be adults.

I’m part time and have never been made to feel like this, despite my closest circle of friends all being quite high achievers in their careers. My family are supportive too. I’m very open about how much I value my work life balance and how much I enjoy being able to spend time with my children while they are little. Even if someone was trying to make me feel bad about that, they couldn’t, because I know I’ve got the best of both worlds 😊

I think parents get no Kudos at all regardless of working or not.

It amuses me that if you work as a housekeeper for another family, that’s considered a proper job but not if you do it for your own house/family.
Lots of wealthy families consider everything that goes with a well run house - laundry, cleaning, admin, cooking - to be a full time job and are prepared to pay accordingly. In fact, one family I know employ a full-time chef just for themselves!!
The rest of us are just supposed to squeeze it all in between other jobs.

I think there is a rather sexist idea that motherhood is a calling and not 'work' an, because we're a capitalist, patriarchal society, that 'work' is more important. It's why jobs traditionally considered 'women's jobs' are less well paid and why we don't respect unpaid labour as much.

'Career woman' is a weird and outdated phrase though overall. I mean, we don't talk about 'career men'; 'career women' is something from the 70s and 80s when it was still the exception for women to have a career and it's not now.

Devils advocate here, so don’t shoot… maybe society would benefit from all children being with their mothers up until school age? 🤔Maybe it would produce more resilient adults?

Personally I pat 'career men' on the head at every possible opportunity. And 'BoyBosses'. Gotta love a BoyBoss.

This is brilliant. Fully agree with you.
Can I add to it 'setting a good example to the children as a woman'. That money does not just fall from the sky and the world does not revolve around their needs. That family time is precious and to be valued. That they need to work hard at school as one day they will need to work (think this is particularly important if the children are girls. If they just see their mother at home all the time they may as well think, oh well no need to try, I can just marry a man who will pay for me through my life and I won't have to do anything).

Nobody should feel shit about you saying that you think it's great that there are now more female CEOs. I imagine most women would celebrate this in the UK, irrespective of their own personal choices because it represents a step forward for women that wish to pursue their career. It benefits all women to have better representation in all aspects of society.

The bit that's inflammatory is when you say Anyone can choose to leave work to look after DC if that's what they want but not just anyone has what it takes to juggle FT work with DC etc at home. Firstly, this simply isn't true. I know a number of women that dreamed of being a SAHP before they had kids but then found the reality wasn't for them and they went back to work. Horses for courses and all that. Secondly, I think your comment about juggling FT work and children doesn't really allude to the fact that the juggling act is performed with differing levels of success and compromise. This is all subjective and for some, the compromise is too much and they would rather be at home with the kids, others are more confident with the compromises and would rather juggle both. Again, horses for courses but it isn't true that those that work FT are just hardier, more competent women that can cope better than other women. Many work FT because they feel they need to for financial reasons or quite frankly just really love working and can outsource enough at home to make it happen.

I tend to be of the view that giving up work and financial independence is one of the most foolish things a woman can do
Again, this is inflammatory as it obviously completely depends on people's situations and what they want to get out of life. For some, having this extra time with their children is incredibly important and something they are willing to make great sacrifices for. For others, they may be in the financial situation (either rich or poor) where the time out doesn't really make any discernable difference.

I think the most foolish thing a woman can do is make uninformed decisions that don't take into account their own circumstances and desires. Be the captain of your own ship and plan the life you want to lead.

And if anyone wants clarification on why I think giving up financial independence is foolish, please read the nearby thread 'affair and left penniless'

@Queenconsult if low paid jobs are "low stress" how come my retail job made me depressed and on the verge of having a breakdown.
Another person I know that worked retail actually did have a breakdown and other health issues due to the job.
A relative who was a carer also suffered stress, mental health issues, health issues - due to the job.

But why would a SAHM feel shit if I say 'isn't it amazing we now have a female CEO' etc.

People shouldn't be afraid to celebrate success in case someone else 'feels shit', especially someone who made an active choice not to work. It isn't about them.

I must admit I really dislike that mentality.