His holiday

hi, head over to the other trending thread on women whose unmarried partner has done a bunk after 20 something years

marriage is a legal protection- if you’re silly enough to think this doesn’t apply to you and this partner then don’t blame anyone but yourself when you find you have no rights whatsoever to assets accumulated during your relationship in his name.

that aside, the fine if you want to live and buy a property togther and not be married, if no children involved. But for gods sake protect yourself

1. Buy the property as tenants in common, not joint tenants. Do this legally and have a contract drawn up over what share you each own in proportion to what you have paid. Include what the course of action is if you split up - e.g does one party have first dibs to buy the other out, what if you both want to buy each other out , what if one of you is dragging heals to sell for higher price and other needs money now? Etc
2. have seperate mortgages as tenants in common. Mortgage companies don’t like it, you’ll both pay slightly more in terms of rates, but it ensure you are each not saddled with debt form the other if it goes tits up
3. Do not pay wages or let any balance build in the joint account. Use it for just essential bill payments and what you agree for food if sharing cooking and shopping. Come up with budget, review it annual and both pay in a monthly amount to cover these minimal costs. If a balance grows, drop the amount you pay in the next month to reduce the balance. Put only what is necessary each month into it.
4. do not have any shared accounts for savings. You need the legal protection marriage act provides to protect a shared accounts assets.

but be bloody careful about entering into financial agreement with someone who is still clearly looking for different life than you….if he was absolutely committed to making sacrifices needed for HIM to save a £75k contribution, or at least ANY contribution to a deposit you would not even have had this conversation. He is a spender not saver. You are opposite. Fine to hang out, have a relationship and have fun..but it’s red flags all the way for long term relationship happiness….

I’ll go against the grain here… I started looking at buying a house with my now husband after 6 months & we finally moved in after a year. Engaged at 18 months then married after 2 1/2 years together. We met in our mid 30’s.

However, if he talked about a big trip without actually having anything to contribute towards the purchase I wouldn’t have gone ahead. It doesn’t have to be 50/50 but he must show willing AND that he’s a grown up ready for a grown up life… and mortgage. It sounds like you’re buying a house with your child rather than partner.

The holiday allocation wouldn’t bother me as much as the money tbh!

He's got so many red flags, he's brought a flagpole with your money to display them.

I think you're rushing into this commitment

The only way I would consider is that is if you bought the house yourself and it is in your name only and he pays you "rent "

Hes not as committed as you are

you wonder whether your priorities are different?

I'd say that's a big fat yes. You know it - you might not want to accept it but you know it. Not only is he about to go off and spend a ton of cash that has nothing to do with your new house or you; hes also using leave (which means you guys cant go holiday even if you wanted too).

Hes telling you loud and clear that you (and this new house) are not the priority in his life.

Adding to the chorus of 'don't be a fucking mug'.

He's landed on his feet with you hasn't he. Wake up!

You have a young child?????

You must be absolutely stark raving bonkers to even consider this!

Evidence such as refraining from going on holiday with his mate and instead saving that money!

His financial priorities are wildly different to yours. And he's not even slightly sheepish about the disparity! This is not a good basis upon which to start planning a future with your money intermingled.

If I was you, I would want to see some evidence that his economic mindset has shifted to more closely align with mine.

Put your £75k into YOUR OWN HOUSE. Not joint. Do not let him move in. He will be a cocklodger spending his money and then yours.

Continue to just date him IF you really want to.

BUT
He can stay in his rented home. He can pay his own bills. Wash his own clothes. Cook his own meals.
You are not his priority. Do not be his meal ticket.

Oh wake up OP.

You’ve saved 75k, he has nothing. Why hasn’t he saved anything?

He saw you coming. Do not put your 75k into a joint house or anywhere near him.

You've only been together 8 months and currently have no shared finances. Of course he can go to America with his mate! He'll obviously need to find the funds and it can't mean that he gets out of paying rent for a month to fund it. But you don't actually live together or have shared finances currently. It sounds like things are moving way too quickly for two people who haven't had serious conversations about life goals and responsibilities.

That said, I take a holiday every year abroad and I don't ask dh's permission to go - other than to clear the dates with him to make sure he is around to take care of our dc. I use my own money to fund it, just as he uses his own money to do things he wants to do in his leisure time.

You have to be able to trust that he will keep his financial commitments if you take any on, yes. But beyond that, he can do what he wants with his personal money and his holiday time.

What this says!

He saw you coming luv

This and everything @TwylaSands said right at the start.

If this is true, you do need your head examined.

Of course there is nothing wrong with moving in together at this stage (if you are both child free) - but to rented accommodation, or one of you moving in to the other's home. What you are talking about is just bonkers.

Going on a fab holiday with a mate is a normal thing for someone with no ties to be doing. Only 8 months into a relationship, that, in itself isn't unreasonable. But does evidence you are at different places in your thinking.

So when you say you're buying a house together what you actually mean is you're buying a house alone. He's contributing nothing to said house. Except his "trustworthy" presence of course.

Moving in together after a year isn't particularly nuts in a good, balanced, equal relationship. Renting together at this point, for instance, would be a sensible next step. Moving in together after a year when there's a huge financial disparity between you, you're planning to buy, and he's already prioritising sportsball and lads trips over spending time with you? During the period of your relationship when he should be the most besotted, devoted and on his absolute best behaviour? Yeah sorry OP that's fucking nuts. You want to spend that deposit money getting your head examined.

Yes again!!

Yep AFBSN!!

You're not on the same page at all OP. I think your judgement is off here, its not just MN where people would say don't buy with someone you've known 8 months, child or no child it's not a good decision. Ring fencing isn't a simple answer and it will still be hard and potentially costly getting out of the financial ties. You have a child to think of anf you don't even know how he'll handle being a bigger part of your child's life. Rent somewhere together, keep the current 75K in your name only, start a joint savings account you both add to and a joint current account for bills, see if he pays reliably, if he can save and see how he goes living with you and your child. Your risking a lot buying together without working out if your actually compatable living together.

You're being ridiculous OP (both of you).

If you want to move in together after only a year that's fine, but just bloody rent for a couple of years while you get to know each other.

Jeeez OP. Rent together first before committing to owning a house with someone.

He has no savings compared to your £75k? He sounds like a catch

You’ve got £75k in savings and he’s got nothing? I’m sorry OP, he saw you coming a mile away.

Normal people RENT together for a year or two to see if they can actually stand living together- including finding out whether you are on the same page about how you spend your money, as you clearly aren’t at the moment. No rent paid for this purpose is wasted because it’s cheaper than having to sell and after only a year when it goes tits up. What’s the rush to buy? Interest rates are ridiculous right now anyway and the market isn’t the best. You could be trapped living with someone you can’t stand who you’ve only known 5 minutes and all your savings will be tied up and some even may be lost in early repayment charges etc.

Just wait and rent for a bit. If he’s as okay as you seem to think then what’s the hurry to go all in when it’s significantly more risky for you.