His holiday

Don’t buy a house with a man with zero savings who will still take expensive holidays and who doesn’t prioritise any holiday days for you! You can rent together. I personally think you should push off moving in until you’ve had a week holiday together. And if he can’t fit you in once he’s allocated all his leave to his family and friends that’s a message isn’t it? Who doesn’t want to holiday with their new partner??

OP have you done the Freedom Programme? You've just escaped an unhealthy relationship with your ex and you're now moving things forward pretty quickly with this one. He might be one of the "good" ones but he might also have completely different priorities to you so if you pull in different directions it's going to get old very quickly. You've not given your ages which would provide a bit of useful context.

Of even more concern is your child who I assume is still quite young and lives with you? If so, please stand in their shoes and try and imagine what they've gone through and how it will feel for them having to share their home with a man their mum barely knows (and this applies to a 1 - 2 Yr long relationship.) There is so much here ringing alarm bells, not just the holiday.

Yes your priorities are different. You have a significant sum saved. He hasn't saved yet and is planning an expensive long haul holiday.

I think its fine in so far as....

We moved in after 1 year.
Started looking for houses after 18m and had bought together in 2
Engaged at 2.5, married at 3.

BUT
My dh and i are 95%+ aligned on values and goals. Eg whats good value whats a waste of money, how important are holidays/hobbies/leisure time. How we treat/prioritise family, when we want to retire, what sort of life we want in 10/20/30 years

No way would either of us do what your boyfriend is proposing. For us it wouldn't be a question as the drive to build a secure future is /was way higher than having fun on a jolly holiday.
It doesnt matter what you actually want but you should want the same things have a shared vision. You dont have this.

Dropping £2-3k on an international sporting event while saying you want to save and then letting your girlfriend bank roll /sub you DOESN'T scream "building a life you is my priority"

I couldnt be with someone who so financially incompatible with me and i certainly wouldnt be taking steps to emotionally and financially commit to him further until he took drastic steps to show me he meant business and wanted to invest in a shared future with me.

EDIT: just saw you have a child. Grossly irresponsible from both a financial and emotional pov to be considering doing any of this. Poor child...

It wasn't closed so much as it reached the limit for the maximum number of posts on a thread: 1000.

How old is your child?

Has your boyfriend got any children?

Are you out of your mind?

Because she had a house with a controlling Ex who she's got away from.

And now she and her child are here...

Why was this thread closed?

Where I live the cheapest property I could find was 125k for a 500sq foot 1 bed flat. It’s a lovely area, but not close to a beach or the lake district - but it is 50mins to london on a train… if they run!

There aren’t enough facepalms in the world for this post

They save. OP doesn't say how old she is but £500 a month for 13 years would be 75k. I save roughly this on 35k so fairly average wage.

OMG you can move in together but DO NOT BUY A HOUSE with someone who 1) has zero cash, 2) you have known for such a short space of time and 3) have never actually lived with.

Do you know what happens if you buy a house together and he suddenly cannot afford his half the mortgage?? YOU HAVE TO PAY IT ALL. Forever.

Just buy the house on your own. You have the cash.

We like where we live, the house prices don't bother us. The wages are comparatively much bigger. And I wouldn't want to live far from my family either. It is what it is.

We have the house you describe there (4/5 bedroom only but everything else including driveway). It cost us 600k. For Bristol that's pretty decent.

Around here, 400k would buy you a five/six bed detached property, two bathrooms, with front/back gardens, a double garage and driveway, lol.

House prices in the south are insane to me. For 60k we got a two bed house with a garden, garage and driveway. Five minutes drive from several beaches and half an hour from the Lake District.

I live in Bristol and 60k wouldn't even buy you a shed. You need minimum 400k for a house here.

Stop 😭

Given he has no funds to add to this, why would you consider buying together?

Why can't you buy on your own and you can adjust things if the relationship lasts.

I know some think it's bad form to advance search but I have just looked and the OP has one child. What a shocker eh?

Buy a house for you and your child OP. Don't drag your child down by funding this bloke (I wonder if he has children and that's why he's keen to move in together so he gets a live in nanny?)

There's a child involved? 🤦‍♀️ of course there is.
He will go to America of course and you will make excuses. Desperation makes us do funny things. This man is not the man for that perfect family you have in your mind.

I have cheese in my fridge that is older than your relationship.

It costs about 10k on top of the price of a property to actually purchase one… stamp duty, surveys, solicitors fees, removals. How does he propose to fund his half of that. Oh, that will be his new cash cow = you.

Same here. When you've met the one, sometimes you just know.
I lived with my friends in London and he lived with a flatmate in a flat he owned.
When I reached 1 year, my friends and me decided to extend for 6 months and my now husband said next time it's up for discussion why don't we talk about me taking his spare room in case timings work out.
Over the next month or so we decided we would look to move in vs me extending.
The difference is I had money to put into a place and I didn't want to 'rent his room' so he rented his whole place out and we bought a new flat together.
DH still has that property, albeit the mortgage is through the roof, but he had plenty to contribute.
We decided to move in around the year mark, totally skip renting and bought straight away. We were house hunting at 13 months and moved in as joint home owners at 18 months, engaged at 2 years, now married with dog, DS with one more on the way.
Have since sold flat, bought a house, still in london and renovated it.
It's equal in finances, if anything he contributed more than me at first as I earn less but I've more or less caught up with him.

Has he ever been on a transatlantic trip before? If so, how did he fund it and if not c then I think he is testing you and pushing boundaries.

What he might be hoping for is a 'woe me, I want to go to America but I won't go if it's too expensive, boohoo'..... cough cough, hint hint. He might be seeing if he can manipulate you into buying funding it or if he can run up a debt and your 'joint enterprise' make repayments.

Honestly op, buy your own house in your own name with your deposit. His priorities are not the same as yours

I've had shit rotting in my fridge longer than you've been in this relationship.

Honestly, the are all amazing, wonderful and trustworthy until they aren't usually when your financially, physically or emotionally vulnerable.

Protect your assets.