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Original poster

to ask how on earth you stop picking the skin around your nails?!

88 replies

ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 14:46

Hello mumsnet

Sorry to post in AIBU but I need the traffic - how on earth do I stop picking the skin around my nails red raw?!

I don't even know I'm doing it it's that much of a habit, I think it's an anxiety thing but my fingers are looking just awful. I'm trying hard to grow my nails and sort my hands out - my DP is proposing this year or next and I am so embarrassed at the state of my hands and getting worked up about showing off the ring with the state of my hands!

They're not at their worst at the minute, I'm trying to keep on top of hand cream, I've tried fidget rings, I stop myself or try keep my hands busy when I notice I am doing it but does anyone else have some tried or tested ways to stop picking at my bloody fingers!!

OP posts:
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CoteDAzur · 26/02/2024 17:52

mathanxiety · 26/02/2024 15:14

You need to identify times when you do the picking and be prepared and vigilant at those times.

If it's when you're sitting watching TV, I'd recommend wearing gloves - if you can find cotton gloves, they would be great. Bonus points for slathering moisturiser over your hands before putting on the gloves.

If it's when you're feeling nervous at other times, try to visualize nice-looking fingers the instant you become aware you're doing it. Maybe create a Pinterest board of manicures so you can physically start looking at it - for instance, on the bus.

It always helps to stop and realise that you're feeling anxiety, and picking at your skin is a way for you to address the anxiety that isn't making you happy. Try some mindful breathing instead while clasping your hands together. You could find some helpful mantra to repeat in your head.

If you identify a specific finger or place or time you pick, and it's not a place or time when you can wear gloves or stop and clasp your hands, maybe wear a plaster at that point. Meetings, phone calls you're not looking forward to, social situations where you feel nervous, times when you're dealing with a difficult person...

It's going to take a conscious effort. You could set up a rewards jar for yourself or take a daily photo of your hands to remind yourself of your progress.

None of that works for me because anxiety is not necessarily the trigger, and conscious effort to stop won't work, either.

It is an unconscious process that manifests as an urge like an itch, and the only thing that prevents the urge is feeling a smooth surface when one finger moves over the other - hence the reason why nail polish and hand cream help.

Original poster
ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 17:50

@Lightbulbspark I don't really seem to be aware of it, it just seems like habit or something I don't even realise I'm doing. My DP notices it and tells me to stop - but I won't know I'm even doing it until he mentions it! I think it is rooted in anxiety, but I'm on medication and in therapy for my OCD and anxiety so I'd really love to just be able to crack this picking too

OP posts:
Original poster
ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 17:48

@CoteDAzur that does make sense as I have OCD, which I can get by with generally but I just want nice pretty nails and fingers!! I am finding it easier to pay more attention to now I've done my nails - like when my nails are short and not done it's easier to not care what the skin around them looks like, so I'm going to really try keep on top of my nails and hopefully in turn on top of not bloody picking!!

OP posts:
Lightbulbspark · 26/02/2024 17:47

Are you aware of when you're doing it? How do you feel? Is it a comfort or relief? Can you stop and focus on calming yourself (breathing techniques?). That might help with the underlying anxiety?

Original poster
ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 17:47

@circlesand Thank you - I've screenshot your comment for my next session

@ImEvilStopLaughing how did you find the fidget rings - were there any you found particularly helpful? I tried a few but for whatever reason just didn't find them that great, but they were only cheap and not the best looking so maybe I need to find the right one for me!

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 26/02/2024 17:46

This is called dermatillomania and it's considered a type of OCD with genetic predisposition.

Everyone develops their own coping strategies. Mine is that I have been doing my own manicure since my late teens, with all the scissors, cutting tools etc necessary. It is very cathartic, it scratches "the itch" as it were, and in the end my hands are much nicer than before instead of ugly and bleeding. I find that longer nails and dark and/or glitter nail polish reduces the urge to pick.

The absolute need to never have dry hands and cuticles has led to a lifetime of hand creams in every bag, car, night stand, bathroom and kitchen, with the unexpected benefit of now having a pair of incredibly young-looking hands Grin

ImEvilStopLaughing · 26/02/2024 17:41

I suffer terribly with this and have done since I was in secondary school (I'm 37 now) I actually managed to have nearly a year "clean" by buying a couple of different fidget rings from The Calm Collective, and had my nails done.

I'd always told myself "when my fingers are healed, I'll go get my nails done." But it never worked. They'd be sore and bleeding by the end of the week. So I bit the bullet, and just went to the salon when my fingers were rough as hell but not bleeding or open wounds.

I've not been able to have them done for a while and I lost my rings when we moved house so I'm back to sore and bleeding. Happy days! 😩

I know mine is tied to anxiety and I have some therapy planned this year for the first time.

circlesand · 26/02/2024 17:39

@ElleBelleLou Maybe you need to bring it up again in therapy and talk about how much you are currently focussing on it, and how it's bothering you enough that you have started this thread.

Zone in on it a bit more, and try to get to the bottom of it. You can direct your therapy sessions to what you want to talk about and resolve.

I mean to actually say to your therapist 'I pick the skin around my nails and it's really bothering me - I want to explore the reasons why I do this and work on strategies to stop'. Give your therapy sessions the focus.

If you think you do it because of anxiety then the anxiety is what you need to address.

LakieLady · 26/02/2024 17:38

I found out by chance that CSS cracked heel cream is very good for preventing the dry skin around my nails that leads to me picking them.

Original poster
ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 17:37

@DappledOliveGroves I'm the same - stopped biting my nails, I can get them to grow to a good length and get excited about painting them, just to ruin the rest of my fingers around them! It does feel completely beyond my control sometimes like something I couldn't stop even if I really concentrated on it - I hope we can both get round this!

@Mallani Thank you - I do actually do my own gel nails, and bought some lovely new colours today which I'm telling myself I can't use until my fingers are visibly less ripped at!

OP posts:
Original poster
ElleBelleLou · 26/02/2024 17:34

@circlesand yes, it comes up as a compulsion alongside other OCD compulsions but there doesn't seem to be any answers beyond recognising it's a compulsion - I'd just love to be able to stop it!

Thank you @hollyandivyknickers I've give them a look!

@Eyesopenwideawake Oooh that's interesting - something for me to do a bit more research into!

@mathanxiety thank you for your detailed response, really interesting. I've been trying to pay attention today to when I do it (which is hard cause it's so often it's like without even thinking) but notice a lot of it is in meetings or when I'm not physically doing something like typing - I've had a lump of blutack permanently in my hand today to try help which I'm hoping makes a difference - then it'll be coming on the bus home with me 😂

@Janetsmug YES! Basically if there is anything near my fingertip or nail that I can pick and make bleed - I will do it!

@Disgruntled101 thank you - I'll give them a look. I'm willing to try anything at this point!

Thank you so much for your responses everyone - I feel better knowing it's not just me that can't seem to help it if nothing else! I hope 4 weeks from now we all have the prettiest fingers and nails 🤗

OP posts:
Mallani · 26/02/2024 17:26

Get gel nails with builder gel as it is quite a thick layer and makes everything harder to grab. Nailkind cuticle oil is good - I try and paint this on every night in front of the TV ato replace my 'picking' time.

DappledOliveGroves · 26/02/2024 17:25

Would love to find a cure. I bit my nails for about 25 years, and managed to stop about 5 or 6 years ago. But I still pick the skin when I'm stressed. It gets to the point of insanity, where three or four fingertips are wrapped in plasters as the skin is raw and bleeding. It's definitely a compulsion. Even if I'm in the middle of yoga or pilates, if there's a bit of skin that can be picked, I'll be surreptitiously trying to peel it off.

I know it's stress-related. There will be periods where my fingers are all fine. But how to stop it entirely I have no clue.

WeRateSquirrels · 26/02/2024 17:24

For me, this was a sign of anaemia.

JMSA · 26/02/2024 17:19

I'm the same Blush

Disgruntled101 · 26/02/2024 17:18

When I find that I really can't fight the compulsion (which is often) I put these gloves on. The fabric on the index finger pulls down so you can still use your phone etc.

Antcher Women UV Sun Protection Gloves Ice Silk Sunblock Fingerless Gloves Full Finger Touchscreen Non Slip Gloves Hiking Cycling Gloves for Golf Driving Fishing https://amzn.eu/d/eRNzsBV

Janetsmug · 26/02/2024 16:55

Does anyone else pick the skin under the actual tip of the nail rather than around the sides? It's so annoying as the sharp bits catch on everything I touch with my fingertips so then I'm even more aware the sharp bits are there so then I have to pick them some more! Off to read the other replies now in the hope there's something that might work for me too, good luck OP 🤞

Porfirio · 26/02/2024 15:43

Vaseline at bedtime stops all hang nails and dry skin etc and keeps nails strong but supple. Use after your usual hand cream.

I like Clarins hand and nail cream.

Saw this and thought of you -

to ask how on earth you stop picking the skin around your nails?!
hollyandivyknickers · 26/02/2024 15:41

Booo hooooo does no one like my fidget toy idea.

Alltheyearround · 26/02/2024 15:19

Gloves and a herbal salve - marigold and lavender. I tend to pick at night as falling asleep. Suspect ADHD and deffo GAD/anxiety related.

Dogs chew their paws when they are anxious, I am basically the same.

mathanxiety · 26/02/2024 15:14

You need to identify times when you do the picking and be prepared and vigilant at those times.

If it's when you're sitting watching TV, I'd recommend wearing gloves - if you can find cotton gloves, they would be great. Bonus points for slathering moisturiser over your hands before putting on the gloves.

If it's when you're feeling nervous at other times, try to visualize nice-looking fingers the instant you become aware you're doing it. Maybe create a Pinterest board of manicures so you can physically start looking at it - for instance, on the bus.

It always helps to stop and realise that you're feeling anxiety, and picking at your skin is a way for you to address the anxiety that isn't making you happy. Try some mindful breathing instead while clasping your hands together. You could find some helpful mantra to repeat in your head.

If you identify a specific finger or place or time you pick, and it's not a place or time when you can wear gloves or stop and clasp your hands, maybe wear a plaster at that point. Meetings, phone calls you're not looking forward to, social situations where you feel nervous, times when you're dealing with a difficult person...

It's going to take a conscious effort. You could set up a rewards jar for yourself or take a daily photo of your hands to remind yourself of your progress.

Eyesopenwideawake · 26/02/2024 15:14

Remedial hypnosis; it started in this exact same scenario. Tim Box, who was already a successful hypnotherapist, was talking to a friend of his and she had the same problem as you - bitten nails and surrounding skin and an upcoming wedding. He tried out his theory that a person didn't need to go into a trance to have their behaviour changed so he simply talked directly to her subconscious mind and asked it (nicely) to stop the biting. A couple of months later he was at the wedding and she showed him her perfect fingertips!

sawadekah · 26/02/2024 15:13

ADHD medication and one year with gel nail varnish every fortnight

PeloMom · 26/02/2024 15:10

I found my people! Following for solutions. I personally didn’t like putting creams and oils as I realised I touch my hair often and they made it super greasy.