To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

exactly this

@SheerLucks

Agree totally.

I'm 53 and got a one bed house on my own aged 23 on one wage of 12k a year. House was £34k. Same houses now are 225k.

It's a no brainer. I had an amazing 20's. Out loads. Festivals holidays. Ran a car all on 12k.

It's a shame that a few posts from people that work in schools just assume the school system, which is less than 100 years old but hasn't changed much in that time, 30 kids of the same age in a class, lining up to walk in, one teacher, bell goes every 35/40 minutes in secondary is 'right' and kids must be 'resilient' to fit in and get an education. Every other sector has changed. What about some resilience being shown rom the staff/systems to possibly change/evolve the status quo. Would be a good example for the non resilient kids. The only people I see wearing ties now are teachers and school kids.

I think in the past kids learned about failure naturally. It was expected that many kids weren't great students, for example, and even good students had to study to get good grades, or would struggle in certain subjects.

But more than that, in the past most kids were out and about with other kids most of the time when they were not in school or sleeping, and the society of children, away from the adult gaze, is bound to build resiliance and the ability to look for solutions to problems without help from adults. And this often began even before school age.

I think that is the number one change that has impacted kids, even more than social media. Lack of large swathes of self directed time away from adults and including with other children.

Having also worked in a school, frankly I think some of this is learned behaviour. I knew one little guy in my school who acted up every day. The reason, I believe, was because that meant he got to go do his work in the office of the vice principle, a kind man the little boy really liked. And many other kids were the same, they acted out because the outcome was desirable to them.

But many many also have never had to do anything that was a struggle, academically or otherwise, and they interpreted struggling as a negative thing, almost abnormal. Many don't play sports, very few learn music, they mainly play video games which are a cheap and easy way to get the dopamine rush of accomplishment.

They'll be fine, you'll be long gone by the sounds of it so not sure what you're worrying about. No one is the same as an adult as they are as a kid.

They'll look back at their great/grandparents and cringe, in the same way you did your grandparents because they were homophobic or believed that a woman's place was at home with the kids.

Even 90s stuff is completely cringeworthy now, like looking back at old gameshows seeing Bruce Forsyth referring to grown women as "dollies" while they simpered back.

Thank god things only keep getting better from a respecting other people perspective.

Sorry to disagree with you:
I have worked with 5-7 year olds for 36 years. During the COVID period, we had several who had just joined us, and many due to move up. Of the 25 girls, only 10 moved up, the rest refused, requests to stay with us from 8. From a group that was normally heavily oversubscribed, we got deferrals from ALL of those due to start, with a trickle over the year. But we have never got back to our numbers, and have only a small waiting list - often when girls reach age it is 50/50 if they actually turn up.
I work in a college, and volunteer in a primary school. I see staff bending over backwards to cater for children who, in my day would have just had to get on with it. We have a very high number of children who get extra time for exams, cannot sit an exam in a large hall, or even in a room with other candidates, who have to sit facing a wall, or in the corner with their back to the wall, cannot read well enough, so have their exams read to them, and even written for them. Those who have to have separate rooms because they cannot sit still for more than 5 minutes. I have had candidate run screaming away followed by her 1:1 carer simply because I was standing up when she came into the room!
At school, I have been unable to get to my y5 classroom because a y6 pupil is sitting against the door having a screaming meltdown upsetting everyone else.
Coming into school post-registration, I often have to wait for the stream of children who come later because they cannot bear to line up with their classmates, or need mummy to walk them in, or simply do not want to be there so play up. (I gathered one child who was blocking the door, and travelled him in with me. As reception was at that point unmanned, I simply talking him through logging in. Receptionist re-appeared and he went into melt-down mode - I told him to stop it and get on to his class, which he did to the absolute amazement of the staff. He was apparently going through this performance every day.)
When "my" class had a special activity, I was sent next door - into chaos. One autistic child and another with ODD were affecting the behaviour of the whole class. The reading levels of 9-10 year olds varies from age 6 to age 12, and possibly 8 or 9 of the children in a class of 30 are anxious about their ability - they have so many tests and assessments that they feel bad if they are not "top".
50% of children have a fidget toy in class, 2 or 3 with noise cancelling ear defenders, some cannot stay in the class and it is a common occurrence to see a child sat in the foyer on the floor, or spending a long time standing in the toilets - their way of coping - and there are a significant number who are unable to eat in the dining hall, or go out at play time.
Does this sound like resilient and capable to you?

Communal activity like sports clubs and voluntary groups find it ever harder to insure themselves and maintain decent premises and sports grounds.

This is maybe not as big a cause as some others mentioned, but it really is huge in other ways.

Insurance companies, and things like mandatory training, are killing many of these organizations. In my rural community, there is a very significant organization for young people related to rural life. We are very small, and even more so since covid, but what may kill it is the rules about numbers of leaders at training and events. It simply isn't always possible, and what's more, it's hard to be anything other than bitter when the same kids will be with these same leaders in a dozen other contexts, from playing with friends, to being employed. Leaders are increasingly required to have more certifications as well.

The local church, similarly, is struggling under the weight of insurance.

It seems like the trajectory is that only the firmly middle class will have access to the benefits of communal organizations and classes and groups for kids, because they can pay for the commercial versions. (Which weirdly don't, in many cases, have the same requirements as voluntary organizations.

Have you listened to this? Interview with Abigail Shrier about precisely this subject.

Can you homeschool that's what I did in the end and my daughter is thriving now. The argument is they won't be socialising. My daughter is confident she earns her own money she is working on her career in an apprenticeship. I would say my daughter has more resilience and patience now than what she did at school and she's 18 next month.

somewhat agree but to those on this thread, particularly teachers, sniffing at youngsters struggling with anxiety as something they just need to get over have clearly never had someone they love utterly debilitated by anxiety. I have two kids, we’ve brought them both up the same the same in what is a fairly traditional way. We have not been those parents who’ve let our children shy away from responsibility and we’ve been encouraging them to advocate for themselves from a young age. One manages the anxieties of life seemingly well, talks and works through them. The other is utterly utterly debilitated, can barely leave the house, school refuses, can’t cope in many social situations and has expressed a desire to no longer live if it meant feeling this way for ever. Her anxiety is so extreme and yes I’ve been one of those parents at school asking (desperately) for teachers to give her a break, not ask her questions in class, make allowances on homework etc because we’ve tried desperately to keep her connected and keep her in school and to keep her safe from her own mind. It took me all my effort to make those requests of school because I was ashamed and embarrassed about what people would think of her and me. They’d think she was a wuss and I was a soft parent. Neither of which is true but reading some of these posts makes it clear that people will have thought like that and that makes me feel sick but frankly nothing compared to what she has to go through on a daily basis. Please have some compassion.

You have my backing someone needs to put them straight.

Yup, it scares me. I have pretty normal friends with jobs like social workers, teachers, police…. All have children with either autism, anxiety, self harm, trans etc…. My daughter was pretty resilient till she was bullied in year 3, she did dance shows and was pretty confident, being bullied for practically the whole of year 3 set her back, then year 4 was covid, year 5 she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, year 6 was the usual year 6 drama for girls with hormones and SATS anxiety…. Then seniors was a tough transition with teachers constantly making reference to her diabetes/ alarms / having phone out to check sugars / and generally being dicks!…. And my once confident happy child is now struggling to get into school and every morning is an argument and tears… we are currently winning and I’ve got her in a swim team which is great for her physically and mentally and she’s making some nice friends with common interests…. BUT it’s hard, and kids have so much pressure these days, can’t escape school because of phones/social media etc….
current teens seem to really struggle and bullying is rife!
I wonder if this generation growing up now will see the damage down to them and nan their kids from everything tech!

@Smugglerstop social media plays a huge role. We have 8 year olds doing skincare routines with products they don't need and will actually do more harm than good as they have seen videos online. They are displaying increasingly extreme views, lots of boys were Andrew Tate fans and make misogynistic comments to the girls and staff. Some have even joked about rape. Have heard girls talking about 'hot girl summer.' They play games with adult ratings, and online game with each other for hours at a time. They have tiktok, Instagram despite the minimum age limit being 13 and the age limit on WhatsApp is 16. There is a reason it's so high.

There was a report in Ireland that 1 in 4 six year olds have a smartphone. Why? I don't understand why parents are giving kids phones so you let alone have access to these apps!

Likely natural selection. At least I hope so as a society can not survive like that.

Social media pressure IS appalling. The COL pressures are affecting everyone, unless you are a plutocrat (not most of us). But under pressure, and most of us are, most of us will get through well enough regardless Not as brilliantly as we planned and hoped, but most of us will do well enough and the next generation will be okay. Nobody ever gets everything they wanted.

Personally, I'm glad to not be a young person now. I'm rising 50 (ho ho) and I think I was young in maybe the best time ever to be a young person. Kids can't make mistakes at all any more. They can't get started on adult life, can't mess up jobs, can't get permanent work, can't buy a house and teenage rebellion is co opted by inadequate adults funky uncling youth interest.

No wonder they're anxious and want to hide.

Social media massively. Being available to everyone all the time.
COL
Parents having to work a million jobs just to make ends meet unnable to be there emotionally and physically for their kids.
Society more and more polarised.

To refer to another thread, resilience.

Horribly, I think I'm with @Loyallyreserved . The generation need to learn how to fail gracefully and get back up, wipe their faces, and try again.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but social media and phones haven't helped matters. Only my opinion, but there must be a coloration there ?

We are now seeing the result of the culture of:

• everyone’s a winner
• don’t hurt their feelings
• everyone’s a victim
• everyone’s waiting to be offended
• “I know my rights” but sadly not a clue about responsibility

whats to be done? Sadly I think we have to let them fail, only then will they learn.

@trytopullyoursocksup I think you are trying to stretch the envelope here. Every generation gets things wrong; our children will be berating us in 15 years. But actually, I really think we need to stop the blame game. My parents (now 89 and 90 and divorced since 1976) have zero responsibility for me as I am 67. My DC is 24. Lives with us, saves money for a mortgage while doing that. And works two zero hours jobs to do so.

This is a very interesting read and there is lots I agree with. Thank you OP for starting the thread.

I know it has been mentioned but I think screens/internet/social media in youngsters are a big contributing factor too. In the US, mental health awareness is massive, with accessing treatment and therapy for it the norm.

But dont forget that a lot of older people who had normal childhoods for the time are actually quite damaged. There is so much fucked upness apparent in people who just had to get on with it (whatever it was) and they are not psychologically in great shape.

There is something a lot of men have that not many will admit to which is that they are bitterly jealous of the way their wives treat their children (nicely) because their own mothers were told not to give them too much attention and they have been trying to get some woman to baby them ever since. Some of them are so pathetically needy and controlling. this is not healthy but the people they work with probably see them confidently making decisions every day and think they are "resilient"

that's just one example

then there's closeted gay people