To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

Great post, thank you.

DD2 (15) struggles with anxiety about school (since 2020 and secondary school) which affects her school attendance but she does not struggle with social skills in general, comes across mature, confident and self-aware (recently praised for the same by her counsellor) and has achieved things outside school which would make many adults severely anxious such as performing on stage and in sports competitions, and in spite of everything she has a nice group of friends.

Sadly I have never been able to persuade her to try home schooling/online school either after the poor experience of it when schools were closed, even though I have explained that online schools are nothing like that.

I just hope she will find her way and get a PT job in a year or so and find her way to getting some qualifications either pre or post 16.

A friend who’s a teacher told me recently that about half of every year has to use break rooms during exams, because of the supposed stress that exams cause. The ‘stressed’ pupils get longer to sit an exam.

I asked what would happen if a child was refused. She said that they’d tried to take a firmer line in the past but parents got very angry and said that they and their child had rights.

@Realityisreal

Maybe we could investigate a school system that rewards bullies and ignores their victims, look to your own school processes for bullying, you'll find plenty of resources and interventions for how to support the bully but what support does the victim get, my son was told that his bully had a difficult home life as if that meant that the behaviour should be excused and ignored. I fully support troubled children having help but the people who dread going to school every day because of their bullying also need support.

Nail on the head. Far too many teachers/schools simply don't appreciate the harm that is caused by bullying, and go down the "victim blaming" route of telling the victim to toughen up, fight back, avoid them, etc! It's not the victims who are at fault and who need to change, they should be protected from the bullies, but teachers just can't see it!

OK we all know genuine disabilities isn't what we are talking about here 🙄

The next generation is primarily screwed in term of the world/society we have given them to inherit.

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” Michael Hopf

just a quote, feel free to replace men with whatever you identify as…. Or what you actually are

I think it's a mass combination of things. When I was doing my counselling degree we had 4 tutors who were SME in their own areas, psychodynamic, person centred etc.....The person centred approach has most Definately been pushed into the parenting guidance signposts, cleverly labelled as gentle parenting where in most cases there are no consequences and "no" is not an answer.

From those who were brought up by hippy 70/80s parents, they are well rounded and know that their childhood is not what everyone else experienced. That is now not the case and children are, in some cases, pretentious, rude and self absorbed.

Don't even get me started on the labels. Naughty....the child is adhd etc..... But never properly diagnosed. It just helps lazy parenting which mocks the genuine cases that do need additional support in school.

I do think these children are going to struggle in adulthood.

But the labels thing is rife in adulthood, I know various people who claim to have ptsd diagnosed by either themselves or a GP. Doesn't happen..... As someone that takes 6 different meds a day just to function, I just want to do a body exchange for a day!!

Anxiety..... Everyone has it, it's part of our make up and is healthy. But more and more I'm seeing children and adults being excused bad behaviour because they have MH problems 🤔

That's hardly surprising after how some Unis went 100% online for some courses in 2020 and into 2021. That entire cohort weren't used to leaving their Uni flats as they had to stay in!! That cohort only left last Summer!!

If a student spent their first year trapped in their flat, literally with all lectures, seminars, tutorials, etc., wholly online, for an entire year, it should be no surprise to lecturers if they're a little bit stressed/anxious when expected to appear in person.

My son still had some 100% online modules in his second uni year (the 21/22 academic year). It was only his 3rd year (22/3) when everything was in person again!

I think some Unis went way over the top and continued the "stay in your flat" way of learning far too long, some even when there were no lockdowns!!

I'm surprised that a Uni lecturer doesn't realise that the way Unis treated students was appalling and surprised he can't understand the impact on their students who were at Uni during those two years!!

The world is crazy now. Internet stuff, climate change, covid. It impacts people who never knew a calmer world more than those who grew up with that stability.

My teen goes to a specialist school for kids with poor mental health.

She started showing signs of struggling in prinary school, before lockdown, but couldnt be addressed because then lockdown happened and totally destroyed her mental health. She hasn't recovered.

For her, lockdown happened at a critical stage in her development and has caused lasting damage. She is nearly 15.

She is getting all the support available, but the support is crap to be honest.

@greatwesternmailman my son is similar, fully capable in the structured environment of the classroom, incredibly resilient when he had a major operation with a 6 month very painful recovery time at age 16 , great exam results followed by a huge breakdown at uni and is still in recovery. He has depression and been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD.
He's stopped masking and is rebuilding himself, I'm incredibly grateful he's still with us but the rebuild is slow and painful to watch, I would do anything to 'fix him' but he doesn't feel he deserves to be fixed, resilience isn't the issue.
Maybe we could investigate a school system that rewards bullies and ignores their victims, look to your own school processes for bullying, you'll find plenty of resources and interventions for how to support the bully but what support does the victim get, my son was told that his bully had a difficult home life as if that meant that the behaviour should be excused and ignored. I fully support troubled children having help but the people who dread going to school every day because of their bullying also need support.
Add ASD to the mix and the utter unfairness of the situation which becomes internalised as I don't deserve help because my home life is good and I should always be perfect, if I'm not, I'm a failure because I'm not disadvantaged.

There's a strange sort of undertone that suggests people believe the school of hard knocks builds resilience.

Maybe some think that but I don’t think it’s the majority view. I think many think that helicopter parenting and permissive parenting are actually very harmful for children. There is a balance that can be reached. You don’t need to go straight to school of hard knocks style environments for children.

If we are worried about the next generation then we have the power to do something about it. We are the adults. Remember that.

This problem was created by us - as a collective - the way people have voted and the way our society is run.

If we want to change it, and help them, we can. On a small scale and a big scale. Moaning and burying heads in the sand does not solve anything.

So if you care about this, think what can you do to support young people in your community? Could you start a youth club or volunteer at one? Can you get to know your teenage son/daughter's friends, talk to them about their lives, be a role model?

"It takes a village" is true - especially with young adults - so if you are worried, the answer is get yourself out there and influence and help them.

My DS has always struggled a bit with this due to his autism, although he's slightly older (25). In a way it seems that some of the difficulties he's had which used to make him stand out won't be so unusual in future, especially anxiety about social communication and being unable to live independently. So hopefully there will be more accommodations for those who would have had these issues anyway. I think the post Covid world has been better for him generally, with many more services offered remotely.

I find young people extremely resilient and capable.

There have always been people who struggled with social aspects of life- they either found a job where the didn't have to talk to people or often they were thrown on the scrap heap or at worst put in institutions when their disabilities or health issues were more severe. So you perhaps weren't as aware of those people or they were hidden away, in the past. Certainly they did not have a voice in the media.

Whilst a valid concern, the workplace is a vastly different environment from the school.

I think that IF you can get a young adult into a workplace, you've probably won the battle as they'll find it a much more supportive, mature and rewarding existence compared to a school (in general terms, I know some workplaces can also be toxic). Just being around adults is often enough!

Obviously, someone with stress, anxiety, low self esteem, etc., may not be easy to get into a workplace though!!

The thing is most schools seem toxic these days. All the nonsensical rules, endemic bullying, noise, disruption, etc., being forced to sit in lessons they can't understand, etc etc.

I hated school due to daily severe bullying and ended up truanting and leaving without any qualifications at all. I was withdrawn, suffered low self esteem, had an eating disorder, no friends to speak of, just stayed in all day, literally doing nothing. With help/support from parents (basically pushing me, dictating application letters, etc), I went to a few interviews, and massively gained confidence from each. Out of 5 applications, I got 4 interviews and 2 job offers as "office junior" which was all I could expect with no qualifications. I was a nervous wreck in the days before my first day. But I loved it. I was in an office with two "older" ladies who really took me under their wing - I think they could see I was "tainted" by my awful teen years. I couldn't believe how nice everyone was, I was constantly expecting to be told off, bullied, etc., but it simply never happened. I literally grew in stature and confidence every single day. After such a good experience, I started going to clubs & societies, started a sport, did O and A levels at college, etc., and constantly surprised at how different it was to be in a mature/adult environment rather than school!!

We should start helping kids to know the difference between normal anxiety and anxiety that is a problem.
So many kids thing the anxiety they feel before a test or exam is a mental health problem. This just fine tuned them into anxious feelings and then dies become a problem.

Kids need to exercise. They have a lot going on that some regular exercise could help them manage. Hormones, anxiety, low mood, stress, too much sugar and screen time.

They need to get off TikTok and YouTube shorts as that's destroying their focus and normalising some strange ideas and behaviours.

I agree, but this only applies to Westerners, particularly UK and USA

Asia/Africa/rest of the world I'd say it's never been higher

My DS started working at a fast food chain in September and was 1 of 25 took on over a month and there's him and 2 girls left that's all . Before he started I told him you'll have to work quick be on your feet for hours and be shouted at by the managers if you aren't going quick enough but it's not personal it's just how it is but a lot of the others he started with couldn't cope with it .He mentioned some of them bursting into tears because they struggled to keep up with the pace and just walking out even with other workers and managers offering to help and give them a break they just found it too overwhelming. My DS does ok as do alot of the teens there but a lot of them leave and new faces nearly every month . I do think that some parents really don't help though I know the mum of 1 of the teens that quit and she was furious about how her child was treated and that they worked them too hard and how can I let my DS work there and be treated so badly , they really are not treated badly they are just expected to work .

I think it's some teens/young adults thinking that feeling anxious means they have anxiety in the medical sense. Then instead of tackling the problem, getting through it and building resilience, they medicalise their perfectly normal anxiety which doesn't actually help them deal with the problem.

And I stress some. Others are of course ill and need help with that - and as you say, often demonstrate huge resilience.

I agree. And in truth, I meet a lot of young people who I think are very resilient.

I think that we need to be optimistic and supportive of the upcoming generation if they are to have any chance.

And, as adults/ parents, look at how and where we can support them - be that at home as parents, in our communities, or by using our vote - we all have power here.

I went to a uni offer applicant day recently. When my daughter was off doing a tour, I was chatting to one of the lecturers. They take attendance and have all sorts of plans in place to get students to attend in person. A worrying amount would (and do) spend their entire uni life in their rooms, attending classes virtually, whenever possible. When challenged, they cite anxiety or similar as justification. She said this year it has been ‘slightly’ better, but it’s still a major issue. These students, on average, do much, much worse than the others.

People are equating mental health problems with not being resilient? I’d argue that young people with mental health problems are even more resilient as they have more challenges. An illness (be it mental or physical) does not mean you lack in resilience. We need to stop conflating the two.

And WTF do we do about it?

I think a good starting point would be to stop voting for a government that does not have the interests of young people very high on its agenda at all.

It's hardly surprising that young people are struggling given the state of our economy, country, and the world. We need a government who will prioritise and boost them up, and to stop the blame culture - it is not the fault of young people - they are the product of the society we have all created.

@Hereyoume "Look at the armed forces, they cannot recruit because most young people see no value in fighting for anything. They would rather have an intellectual debate, and they think such debates indicate progress, that as people they are somehow superior."

I think it's worse than that. Intellectual debates have become circle-jerks. Deviation from the tribal norm is "literal violence".