To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

Well said

Totally agree. And they aren’t helped by adults telling them how hard their circumstances have been (eg Covid). Try growing up with a war on, etc.

It had been on the rise for a long time before covid.
Covid has become a convenient excuse for lots of maladies that had become an undercurrent of behaviours that were often swept under the carpet and under reported in the press.

My slightly less philosophical/more judgemental opinion is that far too much weight is given to children's feelings - it's so unfair on them. For example I was at an event recently and a mum told her five year old off for something. He wasn't happy so he cried - totally normal response. The mum then made the situation into a big hoo haa, explaining why she'd got cross and saying sorry that he was upset. That made him more upset and turned a fairly innocuous situation into a massive big deal with complicated feelings and discussions. Just tell the child off and let the bloody thing go!

I am all in favour of feelings being acknowledged but I think it's being done in a really naive cack-handed way. It's terrible to ignore a child's feelings but it's equally terrible to make their feelings into these monumental things that stop the whole world and affect everything. Yes, acknowledge the feeling but then say 'oh well' and move on. Sometimes things are shit, sometimes you're not happy. That's life.

It had been on the rise for a long time before covid.
Covid has become a convenient excuse for lots of maladies that had become an undercurrent of behaviours that were often swept under the carpet and under reported in the press.

But equally I work with kids with diagnosed need - ADHD and ASD for example and no EHCP who still need access arrangements - ditto dyslexic students who may need a scribe or reader - 'passports' aka access arrangements have to applied for a need shown - they aren't handed out because the school says they need it.

Unfortunately a lot of young people seem to be struggling with anxiety. Even more unfortunately, the reaction by ill-informed parents is to address this by ensuring that the child never has to be in a situation which can trigger anxiety. Too many schools go along with this in the name of inclusion.

As an adult who has struggled with anxiety, this is exactly the wrong approach. Avoidance increases anxiety. The only way to build resilience is by doing difficult things in a supportive environment. Avoidance will eventually lead to anxiety becoming more and more severe and the child becoming increasingly restricted and isolated as ever increasing activities become too difficult to do.

I’m just not as narrow minded as you appear to be.

We are fortunate that kids go to a small private school and they are just as focussed on extra curricular / confidence building stuff as well as academic stuff. I’ve worked with kids for years before having my own and am frequently blown away by how confident and happy all the kids are at their school. Yes there are some kids naturally more shy / more confident but through all sports of sports, dance, drama, chess, maths competitions etc there is something for everyone to excel at. All kids happy to speak to adults , stand in front of class and speak etc. So this is probably the solution but not possible in state schools due to class sizes / support from parents at home. All parents here really involved in the school.

Not strictly true @platinumplus.

Students have “passports”. These aren’t EHCPs but access arrangements for students who suffer with anxiety. At my school we average of 3 EHCPs a year but around 50 “passports”.

A more succinct version of what I was typing at length while this was being posted!

but yes, I 100% agree and nothing frustrates me more than meeting other parents who won't let their children DO anything for fear of harm coming to them. SIL once had a complete meltdown because I didn't agree wit her that DS (that's MY DS, not hers) should no longer be allowed to move around then neighbourhood without us because there'd been an alleged attempted kidnapping of a child. She had the best of intentions but she was literally fuming and crying because she was so upset that I was putting her nephew at risk by letting him out of the house alone. The fact that the situation with the "kidnapping" wasn't exactly clear (there was a suggestion it was a dad/relative trying to grab the child), plus DS was older PLUS these sorts of things are such a big deal because they ARE so rare.... just didn't factor for her.

The world's not happy because white men are not happy.

In our society white men are the equivalent of the dad who sets the tone in the house - if he's happy, everyone's happy. If he's not, everyone suffers.

White men have had a few solid decades now of being told they're not the be all and end all any more and they're sick of it. So, the world is ending, it's all awful, wah wah wah. They're feeling insecure so the whole world has to know about it.

Couple that with the fact that many of the structures and rituals that people use to rely on to order and make sense of their lives - religion mainly, but also family structures, local communities, traditions (to be clear I'm not a 'traditional values' person) - are diminished and people feel quite lost.

We need a measure of order and structure - it's one of the reasons people turn to right wing authoritarianism as it has a parental sort of security to it. Health gurus and such are just substitute priests. Pronoun nonsense comes from needing a sense of identity and belonging.

It's great that society has changed but there's too much of a vacuum for people to get lost in.

This is a generation who want instant answers, instant access and want the riches of life without the graft ( not all). This is the tiktok, youtube dream - the perfect life with friends in a group, girls looking similar, every one doing well - what they have not worked out is the truth from the reality.

Mu niece 22, sees what I have after 25 years of hard work, fun , games, travel, crap jobs, piss poor pay jobs, sharing a flat with strangers. She wants the end product, not getting that it takes years to get there. She is a worker, but can not cope with the reality of not being sure what she wants to do with her life, just like her mother took 5 years post school to work it out. She needs therapy, my sister, tried jobs she fancied and worked it out - unsettled yes but that was the fabric of growing up - no therapy

We feed this belief they are hard done by, by going on about covid restrictions, disadvantages, high prices etc and play into this. Parents teach children social skills - this is their failing as much as the education system. Likewise, all the under 5s who suffered because they were home with a SAHM or Dad. Isn't that what most DCs had 70 years ago and is held up as the best early ears child rearing but now because of covid - it has failed them!

Are you sure it isn't largely because mental health and wellbeing is being considered by educational establishments much more now? There's no doubt there is an increase in teen anxiety now but they are navigating an increasingly horrendous world since the invention of social media.

At my school we are having to hire portacabins and extra invigilators this summer for those students who require “a small room” environment and “stop the clock” rest breaks.

Personally I think it's 5 things:

1. Fear whipped up by the media that your child is in danger so parents are overprotective and don't give enough freedom to their kids
2. Pressure on parents to get your child to do well. Leading to solving their mistakes for them, dealing with issues on their behalf, over scheduling them, making decisions for them
3. Stupidly strict school system with a ridiculous teach to the test curriculum, underfunded schools and stressed teachers
4. Parents / family less present both physically and metaphorically, often living away from wider family / community networks so not having same support systems and both parents working or distracted (by tech or life stress)
5. Technology - taking away barriers that previously led to creativity, resourcefulness and problem solving (eg boredom) and physical presence and replacing it with meaningless dopamine hits, nasty brain-rewiring content, unhealthy comparison, bullying etc and no physical interactions

This comment will probably get deleted, but I see it as natural selection.

We have the kids wanting it, and a society that panders to it. The old fogey in me remembers the time were we were thrown out in the mud to play and bullied at school-which im grateful for, whereas today's kids are stuck indoors with anxiety, on their iPhones craving 'likes', raised with no red pens on their homework and people 'agreeing' that they are a cat because they have a right to believe what they want.

The world is tough. The rainforest is practically gone, the oceans are practically empty and polluted, oil and gas are almost exhausted, and countries like Russia are seeing the weakness in the west... the world is going to get a LOT tougher.

Something is gonna give...

There are so many factors at play.

Social media.
Poor quality of teaching.
Disrespect for the police force.
Mobile phones.
Covid.
Labelling everything and everyone.
Making excuses for behaviour because of the above.
Cost of living.
Poverty.

Not giving back to society.
Over exposure due to the Internet.
Decline in basic ability to read and comprehend and memory - due to google.
Increased anxiety.
Nuclear families.
Lack of sunshine and outdoors.

I'm interested in why, as a society, we've decided to wrap children up in cotton wool so much because how do they learn if they aren't experiencing tough situations? The children whose parents let them skip the school play, or not attend their sports activity. The children who are never allowed to use a knife or the stove or the kettle. The children who aren't allowed to go to the park or to the corner shop without their parents until they're much older. The children who aren't allowed to take public transport or ride their bikes.

We do children no favours by not letting them have the opportunity to learn for themselves or to do things that are slightly scary.

This is just one facet, but I think it's hugely important.

You know we’re not talking genuine needs…we’re talking the ‘bad wee bastard’ plans. All the ‘challenging’ behaviour that gets labelled as some problem when really, most of the time, the problem is incompetent parents. Plans for genuine needs are nothing new. My best friend was in the special education department as she has learning problems - she now lives in assisted living. Now, we are labelling bad behaviour as special needs, so there is less money for children who are like she was and genuinely need support through school, and yes, through life. It’s a disgrace.

I think social media has had such a damaging effect and we can’t underestimate it. It seems as though it’s made people less resilient, more narcissistic, shallow, people are actually interested in shallow rubbish like the Kardashian family’s exploits and attention seeking. But maybe I just really hate it!

What a pathetic response. If you think like that, whats the point of this thread? It has eminent psychologists discussing whats gone wrong in their field of practice, alongside historical background information. Its far from ‘right wing’.

Do people make the link between lack of resilience and almost total lack of free play for children - on the street, in school, anywhere - children are being deprived of the chance to grow up playing for hours with peers - resolving conflicts, making friends, having small disagreements and making up again

this is all because of a loss of play!

I agree wholeheartedly with most of what you say, but the key is social media and people believing they can ‘have it all’. All the other things you list are not new, and people have been living in those circumstances for millennia.