To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

@Soontobe60

Most of the list I'd say is fairly new in the last ten years.

Housing was affordable on one wage even in the 90s

Gove changed schools for the worse in last 12 years

Climate change tho talked about has ramped up hugely but nothing is done

War has always been around but threat of nuclear war has not really been around since the 80s

The pandemic is a new event none of us have ever experienced.

So add social
Media and BOOM

There was an interesting OpEd piece in the Times on Saturday, based on a book by an American writer (Rob Henderson) about what he calls "luxury beliefs".

These, he argues are the beliefs that only the liberal-thinking elite can afford about marriage, drug use, policing and a whole range of other topics. In a nutshell, an affluent, educated person can afford to hold such beliefs and thereby appear to be of high moral character, because they will have a safety net to help out if it goes wrong. But if applied wholesale to society, the weaker and more vulnerable end up being badly affected by the wholesale descent into anarchy and poverty.

It's not related to this thread's topic, but it's another slant on the reasons underpinning them. I would link, but can only find it behind paywalls.

I don't know what the answer is, but YABU to expect people to "just get on with it". That MIGHT just about work if everyone had the same level of support in their personal lives, but this society is more fractured and divided than it has been for years, and inequality is just getting worse.

I said in 2020 that this is going to ruin the mental health of our young people for years and possibly forever for some.
I don't know if my own DS will ever really recover from being at home on his own for months with no real life company, while I had to go out to a minimum wage, completely non-essential job travelling 3 hours a day by bus, despite having ME/CFS!

@TheScenicWay - that's a really interesting question and it bears looking into. It might just be bias from the people I know, but I do generally get the impression we see these issues less among young people of colour. Could it maybe that have a longer cultural experience of struggle/disadvantage and tend to 'work on through it' more?

I dislike approaches that discuss it as a failing of a generation; I think often young people do have a point that some expectations are actually not very fair or are too much.

I do think helicopter parenting may bear some blame - I am sometimes surprised on these forums and other places at what people won't 'let' their kids do in terms of independent travel, being left alone etc at ages when it seems more than appropriate to do so. It's not these kids' fault if their parents have been overanxious and not letting them experience life directly and unmediated.

Scary times.

How can an adult who won't open their front door when someone knocks, who cannot make a decision about going to A&E without asking permission from the internet, who genuinely is too terrified to put their baby down to go into another room, who is so afraid of being seen as 'unkind' that they cannot think critically - how can such a person parent a child to a resilient adulthood?

And yet these are recurring themes on Mumsnet, thread after thread, poster after poster. These are the mothers of our young people..

Children haven’t changed, the world has changed and the dysfunctional environments we now put them in.
Lockdowns. A toxic, ultra controlling, outdated school system. Social media.

Also young people have no freedom to ‘rebel’ anymore. Teenage years should be about separating off into adulthood and independence but they mostly go to schools which are run like prisons.
They have no freedom to be themselves, there aren’t many youth subcultures anymore (well there is one but I don’t want to get political!). Life is so ‘vanilla’ yet weirdly pressured.

I’m a driving instructor so see plenty of 17 year olds. I’ve experienced the opposite, they make us Gen Xers seem like babies. My learners are really sensible and mature. It’s a tough world but they are negotiating it pretty well.

I do see the odd instance of the adults in their life taking too much control but actually they’re pretty good when they’re in the car.

When I was seventeen in comparison I was utterly ridiculous.

Maybe it’s our respective roles giving us bias, I’m going to see the more capable, whereas you the opposite.

This is the only way to stop anxiety incresaing:

Face the fears gradually, voluntarily, at a pace you control.

Instead we've gone down the route: how can we help you to remove things that make you anxious.
This just means more and more things have to be removed.

It's very basic psychology that psychologists seem to have forgotten or abandoned in order to look compassionate.

Did you just wake up from a coma? 🤣
It’s not a point about grammar!

Or read Jonathan Haidt: The Coddling of the American Mind. It addresses this head on.

He also has a book The Righteous Mind about polarisation and how people dismiss viewpoints they associate with the 'other side' without consideration. That may also interest you...

Are you sure it's not just because many more kids are being diagnosed as neurodiverse? Some (not all) of your OP describes my eldest dd, but as she's autistic it's to be expected. None of that applies to my youngest dd. Both have had the same upbringing, schooling etc.

You are not being unreasonable, however it is not their fault necessarily, they are a product of circumstance. It's the current culture crisis affecting us all. Parents have no time due to work, they throw tablets at kids, the media is misleading, people trust it too much, everyone is in a hurry and doesn't have time to think and reflect on any new concepts thrown their way.
To be resilient in relationships one must have physical interactions, not digital.
To be resilient in life one must be not hovered on, let to fall, and guided accordingly how to get up and be pragmatic about obstacles.
There are also lots of MH issues due to burn-out and hustle culture. Work life balance is skewed for many people. People's self worth hangs against their success.

I agree with @badwolf82 and @MrsMurphyIWish - my eldest has anxiety - often crippling refusing to leave her room levels but the only thing that's helped is a 'feel the fear and do it anyway' approach - the more she does things that make her sweat, want to run and hide - and no one dies, her legs don't fall off and no one stares, the better she feels about herself and the more control she feels she has - but it's very hard - it's been a long road.

Fuck knows, but lets hope we don't end up in WWIII ey. We'll be well and truly fucked. Although they might not be able to fight us because they are laughing so much.

Abigail Shrier has a book coming ut called 'Bad Therpay' about how our approach to kids mental helath has actually undermined it.

Very relevant to you and your work OP.
But she is probably too right wing for you.

And of course covid was a thing, but I remember there was a massive focus on improving resilience in my first teaching post in 2005.

I don't want to cause any offence at all but is the lack of resilience and anxiety a cultural problem? I don't see this generally in Black and Asian kids, although they do have other issues.

Further to this exchange, there is also a vast amount of polarisation, 'right think' vs 'wrong think', echo Chambers.
In the past we'd have sat and watched the news, from that we'd be exposed to a wide range of opinions and from this build informed views on the world, good or bad.
Now many adults and children alike are accessing only what they want to hear, only the opinions of those who already support their views, they're not interested in understanding why people may have a different opinion, those with a different opinion are just wrong or bad people
Society does seem less forgiving and less tolerant of others, you have to be right kind of XYZ with the right opinions to be valued. But if course, no one ever is a pure as they're expected to be, that would make me anxious as an adult, I can't imagine what it's like as a child.

for lots of kids with anxiety, ADHD, ASD covid was a blessing! (not for many parents though) - it was (and is) returning to full time face to face education that has been the struggle - because for those kids it's sometimes a daily battle to go in.

Agreed.

Ms son is autistic and has an EHCP. We have always known he was autistic. He is not allowed to opt out of things that make him uncomfortable. I have told him he will be autistic for life and the world can not bend to meet his needs, he must be able to learn strategies to cope.

I can detail too much about this event as it will opt me, but last year I was so proud when he was selected to represent his school at an event. He was anxious - he hates new things - but he did it by practising his coping mechanisms.

Im sure I’m labelled a tough parent but our children need to experience discomfort. It’s a natural response.

I work with young apprentices and I would say the vast majority are still determined, resourceful and able to think for themselves. I have one that needs more spoon feeding than others but he has a great work ethic. And there’s one that is exactly as you describe. But one out of 10 is probably the same number we’d have got at any other point in time. People that look for apprenticeships tend to be keen workers though so my point of view could be skewed. We have ‘problem’ people in every generation in my experience

Yes well talking about resilience is now viewed as right wing.

If you are a kind compassionate person of the left you only talk in terms of support and validation.

You'll be accused of being right wing soon enough with these views, you can see the pushback you're getting for not being kind enough already.

I was with you, something has defienlty gobe wrong for young people, until you lazyily dismissed things as right wing. That video is directly relevant to your question and addresses many points raised by you.

I'll be really honest - I feel like I see a number of children who are being told, usually by their parents, that they "can't cope" with things (like tests, or speaking in front of the class, or even just answering one word question in class etc) And whilst you definitely can't build resilience by just forcing people to "get on with it" (in fact, this can destroy whatever confidence they do have) letting them opt out altogether is equally unhelpful.

Resilience isn't a character trait that you either have or you don't (although some people do genuinely struggle more than others). It's a skill that everyone can improve on with support and practice.

Something wrong with the circullum or the way they are being taught.

40 something- can't remember what a pronoun is - who really cares? 🤔