Solo parenting for a weekend

@LovelyTheresa

Thats not such a lovely comment though.

This thread is not particularly nice either way.

OP you need to be able to look after your children independently of your husband. I was going to be more sympathetic and yes I’m a single parent but when I see how some posters are treating single parents, I must agree with them that you need to be more resilient.

Way to go to look down on single parents, and no most of us are not bitter but traumatised.

I'm like you op. I find parenting very, VERY hard. I have lovely children but I feel very overwhelmed on my own with them. Dh is fine taking them anywhere on his own, but I only take one at a time. I'm also very fortunate to have an extremely hands on dh so I'm just used to it. For that one weekend, plan all meals in advance, take always and plan some activities too at home.

Worth asking DO to book an extra day off so you know you have a day to look forward to?

Well, that's bad luck on them then, isn't it? It is also nothing to do with the OP.

If this was a thread about relationship breakdown and someone chimed in about single parents, of course.

But here, we're talking about the ability to cope over 2-3 days. Which is something every parent should be able to do. And anyone can end up as a single parent (for any number or reasons) so it's for her own sake, nobody else's.

Well, that's bad luck on them then, isn't it? It is also nothing to do with the OP.

I actually feel quite sorry for your DH. I wouldn’t be able to stop when I wfh to get lunch ready for the DC and put their coats on. I also think it’s mad that he gets up at 5am every day while you sleep, then does a full day’s work, and then you’re the one who’s too exhausted to do bath and bed?! If he was posting I’d be telling him to LTB!

In the kindest way OP, I think you really need him to go for these few days so that you realise YOU CAN DO IT!

Does he get up at 5am everyday and you sleep in until 7???? And then takes over as soon as he finishes work as you're exhausted? What a wonderful partner and husband - he deserves a weekend away! If this was the other way around people would be slating him and telling you to leave him.

Have you got any family or friends you can arrange to meet up with? See it as a 'fun' weekend with Mummy - get out of the house for a big chunk of the day - park (even if it's wet, get all suited up and get out in the fresh air). Have a 'treat tea' either out or Sat in front of the TV. Once the kids are in bed, run yourself a bath and relax ready for the next day. Definitely plan everything but don't worry if it doesn't go to plan.

You can do this!

How can a 4 year old “help out”? A 4 year old should be able to spend their weekends playing, not helping an adult with anything.

4 is a bit young, but my 6 year old makes her own toast and one for DD2 whilst I do other things. And can put Bluey on. Kids live a bit of responsibility, for them it's exciting - I used to love washing up. So yes, children can be given age appropriate tasks.

In general, I agree with other posters that it's not good to be overwhelmed by a single weekend with your own children. It's not sensible or healthy to depend on your partner that much.

I did myself, and when things went wrong and I really was a solo parent - I could not function. If you're at this point, yes, it needs to be nipped in the bud somehow.

How can a 4 year old “help out”? A 4 year old should be able to spend their weekends playing, not helping an adult with anything.

Not unreasonable to feel this way, on these types of occasions I make my partner take a day of AL upon return and they can deal with kids.

I think distraction is key to making time go faster and don't be hard if you don't do everything e.g. skipping bath if it makes it easier

I know it sounds horrible but I would love to know what this feels like, to have so much support I was worried about being on my own with my children. I’m a single mum to 4 and have no choice but to crack on with no support 24/7 would love to know what it feels like to have constant support to the point I couldn’t even face the thought of being alone with my own children,

I would plan to go to bed very early for the weekend to make sure i could get enough sleep.

And no, you aren't lucky to have an equal partner, it's the bare minimum!

Keep that in mind.

Ideas for things to do that are different and fun: daytime extended bath, put music on and have a dance party, eat on a picnic blanket in a different room than usual, give each child a duster and let them ‘clean’ something (my kids love doing this).

Of course the single parents on MN are coming onto this thread with the sole purpose of being martyrs.

Don’t let them make you feel bad, OP. Especially not the one who called you ‘pathetic’ or the other who called you ‘ridiculous’. You 50/50 parent for a significant portion of the day and your children are going through a rough patch in behaviour – of course you will be feeling apprehensive about the stress ahead. No one likes facing difficult situations alone and it’s completely OK to express that and ask for tips.

I suggest having a set routine for both days. Something not too complicated or reliant on strict timings. Snacks and stickers are your friend! Do you have anyone you can get together with for a play date? Accept the house will be a mess and make use of distraction to try to stop any tantrums in their tracks. Resort to soft play if your 4yr old is happy to be off by herself while you attend to the younger one. Go somewhere on a longish drive if they are happy in the car.

As a mother of twins I have felt anxious about solo time with my two on many occasions, especially when they’ve been in difficult phases of behaviour. Keeping them both safe and happy is a mammoth task, and no one enjoys getting screamed at for an hour because you opened a banana wrong, or doing it on minimal sleep. I wouldn’t care if anyone rolls their eyes at me.

I understand how you feel and I suspect we've been 'spoilt' by having a decent DH. It's just easier when both of you are there if you're used to sharing the load which we totally are. Either of us manages fine when the other isn't there but it's just nicer and easier when it's both of us. You will be fine. I only have one DS of 18 months but we couldn't stay in all day he'd be totally bored so I usually plan activities for when I'm on my own with him so I'm not wondering what to do with the time. Our DS is an early riser too - 5.30 usually and we bring him into bed with us and look at books/watch tv which usually gives us at least half an hr to wake up properly before having to get up. Could you buy yourself even a little time in the morning

She didn’t say she was a solo parent. She said ‘solo parenting for a weekend’.

I agree you need to build some resilience. You should be able to manage two days alone with your own children. I looked after young relatives alone when I was still in my teens.

I've been a single mum for years and even when I wasn't, ex was hands off and was often away for work anyway. It's all manageable.

I think it's anxiety that is the root cause.

I was a lone parent for years of kids with complex additional needs and no family. It was exhausting. But you just have to get on with it.

I think it will be good for you. Help you become more resilient.

I am a single mum and do all of the aforementioned in your post but there is no need to be unkind. The OP is obviously feeling overwhelmed and asked for support. I know people have it worse off but shouldn't we try and help her feel a little better rather than rushing to admonish her.

You aren't a solo parent, you're just managing the day to day for one weekend.
Not all the school drops for 10 years, not all the washing and meals every day, not all the tears and help with growing up and not every single decision for their wellbeing now and in the future rests only with you.

It is two days.

I agree with this. When I had 3 under 3 my DH regularly worked away sometimes overnight occasionally for a week. Yes it could be difficult but i coped and in those days we didn't have soft play although they did all like watching TV.

All this

You don’t solo parent for a weekend. Solo parents not only care but have all the financial and emotional stress 24/7. Poor choice of words. if you can’t do one weekend you need professional help.

I do understand. We adopted a 3 year old and DH took the first two weeks after placement as annual leave. I well remember that sinking feeling of dread at 7.30 as we waved DH off at the front door on the Monday morning, his first day back to work, and being left alone with this child for the next 11 hours until DH got back in the evening.

But you know what? It was fine. I had a plan and I stuck to it. The day passed surprisingly quickly.

I had discovered my new DS liked a bubbly bath, so I had got some new bath toys and some very cheap bubble bath and he spent a happy hour that afternoon playing in the bath with his toys and adding more bubble bath to make lots of froth.

That was actually one of his favourite things to do, and it became a bit of a running joke, every new toy would end up in the bath. A few years later he spent the whole of one Christmas morning in the bath with a new submarine and aircraft carrier!

Sorry OP but I agree with this