To expect him not to eye somebody else up in front of me

What’s wrong with that?! My husband makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. He says for him I am.

OP, red flag; dump

That's not what she's saying; she's saying he made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. There's a pretty distinct difference, and one that would still mean you be as - if not more - shocked by the 'look at you' comment.

Either you didn't understand that, or you were looking for a reason to be nasty to make you feel better: pretty ugly behaviour.

Nope. This little interaction would be the relationship over for me. Obviously eyeing up women (which is sleazy in itself) but to do it openly and brazenly and saying you can take it or fucking leave it.

I’d leave it.

You deserve better op.

It’s all deflecting noise on his part he disrespected you so much by ogling her in front of you then tries to crassly and clumsily defend his creepy actions . What next would he get her number or ask you to watch while he flirts with her it’s grossly insulting behaviour and if he does this in front of you what is he doing when you’re not there ?

I can’t read the way he said it but to me it reads like “ I can’t only be attracted to you because you’re not really a looker.” 😱 But I’m thinking I must be wrong or you’d be packing your bags instead of posting …

What did that bit mean?

This guy is bad news and so cruel . No class no taste . Imagine if a super hot guy with killer abs sidled up to the bar and you gave him the look he’d be fuming . You should dump him why ? Cos he has no RESPECT for you and frankly you deserve better

It's the 'look at you' that was disrespectful. Contemptuous, even.

Move on

its disrespectful an ex of mine used to do this and it really knocked my confidence I foolishly stayed with him too long

I took that sentence to mean "I can't only be attracted to you or only look at you" rather than "Look at the state of you" type thing - but I could be wrong. It's not clear. Either way it's not great but I think we all accept that we'll still be attracted to others from time to time even when in a happy relationship.

And if your partner was unhappy about you doing this would you say that you can't be expected not to look at other men, 'look at you'?

I mean I wouldn't be happy but to be honest, as a one off I don't think it's too bad. I can imagine a situation where I had a few drinks and was tipsy, a gorgeous man walks in (let's say a Tom Hardy lookalike) and I nudge a friend and say "Look at him!". I don't think it would name be an evil sleaze bag, unless I was constantly behaving like that.

I wouldn't mind if my DH checked an obviously good looking woman out in my presence, he's only human after all. However I have noticed him doing this only once in our 17 years together.

What I WOULD mind is if he was obviously whispering to his mate about her and then looking at her. I feel that a man who speaks to his friends like "phwoar, check her out" has too much of the "lad" about him and is likely to cheat.

AIBU to be upset about this? He's emphatically said he would never cheat on me and sober says he doesn't look at other people like that (??). He seems to have forgotten the whole conversation but it's burst my happy bubble. Am I being ridiculous?

Of course he says the right things when he's sober. But the behaviour you witnessed is totally unacceptable and extremely disrespectful to you. Ditch him.

I couldn't forgive "look at you". I mean- the state of him! Cheek.

Jesus, what’s the matter with you?

My ex used to do this all the time and it ruined my confidence. It's totally disrespectful and he would hate it if you were eyeing up some man in front of him.

I totally agree with ubove poster it's totally Disrespectful behaviour

It will only get worse in some demeaning drip drip emotionally way that be your detriment unfortunately...

Do yourself a big favour

Ditch him

Nope. Take the trash out.

He doesn’t respect you.

What he did was borderline - or actual - sexual harassment.

Some examples of sexual harassment would include:

• sexual comments, jokes or gestures
• staring or leering at your body

Followed by the "look at you" comment, which you seem to be sure was meant as an insult, it's all pretty grim.

I'm sorry you have found out who your man really is after three years, OP 😢
You deserve better.

Look at you comment...thatd be it.. relationship over for me
My ex stared women out...made me ill tbh. Then denied it... gaslighting. I said its disrespectful to me..and to the women...and was always younger women. I told him...like youd have a chance anyway lol. One of reasons i got rid of him

He has insulted you to your face with the "look at you" comment. Would you speak to someone you love and respect like that?

He actually said the words "Look at You"? I don't even know why you're discussing this on Mumsnet. Bags packed on the pavement and out of your life. No grovelling or snivelling his way back. That was so fucking insulting that words fail me. I feel so sorry for you.