To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Can't believe some of the replies!

Basically you are trying to advocate for an SEN child in foster care (because mum is seriously unwell) and the FC is ignoring requests from mum and SW. SEN child is mostly non-verbal so cannot say whether he is comfortable with a particular situation, but as a family member who knows the child, you recognise tell-tale signs that he is not comfortable.

That is the gist of the situation?

You have had good advice about making a formal complaint. But I would also want to know the reason the FC keeps doing what she has been asked not to do. There may be a valid reason, but FC needs to explain.

Parents who have their kids taken into care for any reason will often feel very powerless and as if they’re already failing their children even if it’s beyond their control like in the case of the OPs relative who sadly has cancers.

Unnecessary actions like this which is causing discomfort for their child can be especially upsetting for the bio parents as they already feel a bit helpless.

It’s a very delicate time for the children too and whereby another kid might not remember incidents like this, for a child in care the stress of the “hot tights” they kept being made to wear may form a big part of their early years memory.

I’m speaking as a former social services professional ( educator for children in care working alongside SWs) and as a care experienced adult who spent a year in privately arranged kinship care as a 4 year old.

Read the thread ffs.

I presume you are lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family with plenty of money and space and time? So if you get cancer you can just ring up aunty Ann two doors down and everything will be hunky dory?

There are lots of single mums in the country who couldn’t magic up a family member or friend to take in a disabled 4 year old full time, on an on going basis.

Im sure the mother wishes the boy was with granny- but there isn’t one. I’m sure the op would prefer the child was with her- but he can’t be because she has 2 disabled children already.

I think it is loud and clear your reasons are you think it's undignified because they are for girls only. Which is utter nonsense. Plenty of boys tights available, look at H&M and other European brands. I wonder if the foster carer is putting them on him for dignity, to cover up the fact he is 4 and still in nappies? Maybe it stops him undoing his nappy? It's a common thing to do with SEN children who poo smear for eg.

Right, so as well as the mother being bad for having cancer, the op is a bad aunty for having 2 disabled children and not having the capacity to parent a third?

I think mum is focusing on the tights issue to avoid the real issue. Children are only taken into foster care as a very last resort. There is a huge lack of foster care spaces and they only go to the children most at risk of immediate serious harm and when there are no other suitable family members who are even able to care for the child on a temporary basis. Things generally need to be rock bottom for a child to be in foster care and not even dad or any of dads extended family or friends can care for the child. Parental responsibility now lies with the local authority as Mum and dad and no friends or relatives can keep this child safe.

i think that it is understandable that the family will focus on a small issue about the foster carer which is easier than facing up tot he very difficult reality that they cant keep a child safe despite social workers trying to work with them to keep the child safe for a long time.

The focus needs to be the needs of the child and getting home into a proper place where he can be safe and his needs can be attended to not some red herring like tights.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

If he's wearing them under trousers like you said what 3 year olds are laughing at them lol? Honestly? I agree it is unnecessary though, it's fairly mild for February

Honestly, I don’t believe the boy is as hot and uncomfortable as OP claims. She started off by saying that boys don’t wear tights and even the SW says it’s undignified, but after posters said otherwise, she started to focus on his comfort and his discomfort has gotten worse as the thread has progressed.

Honestly, I don’t believe the boy is as hot and uncomfortable as OP claims. She started off by saying that boys don’t wear tights and even the SW says it’s undignified, but after posters said otherwise, she started to focus on his comfort and his discomfort has gotten worse as the thread has progressed.

Perhaps the family needs to step up and look after the child if there are other issues as well. I've just seen the comments re the tights

Why is the FC ignoring the instruction from SW? That’s the biggest issue surely

Then 100% push for the Supervising social worker to take this up with the foster carer.

I'd there a reason why the child is with a foster carer and not with a kinship/ family and friends carer?

Not to mention he's in foster care, so maybe the mother should be concerned about that rather than the poor foster parent who's obviously doing her best trying to look after her child!