To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

I look after my grandson every Monday. He is 2 next month. He goes through phases in the day where he will want bare feet. I have an old house with some rooms carpeted and some tiled. If he's riding his car up and down the hall/ conservatory his feet get cold because those floors are tiled so he asks for the socks to be put back on. If we are out he will have shoes on so he will have socks on. Surely a small child needs to experience these things as they grow. I am wearing woolly tights with a skirt today. My house is old and never hot but I would be very uncomfortable with long trousers on top as well as tights. I am certain nursery is a lot warmer than my house today.

THE MOTHER HAS CANCER- she is having chemotherapy to “make the changes needed”.

The kid doesn’t want or need tights.

Ffs read the thread before sprouting utter bollocks.

Utter patronising rubbish.

The mother hasn’t lost her child or her rights- she has had the misfortune to get cancer, and a FC has been employed to fill in for her until she is well.

This in no way affects her ability to know what is appropriate clothing for her child, and no FC has carte blanche to ignore what SW has told her.

If she genuinely thinks that this child should wear tights under his trousers (despite being in a central heated building all day, not wanting to wear them, and them making him hot, uncomfortable, blotchy, itchy and irritable) then she needs to set out her case to the IRO for why she is right and the mother, SW and nursery are wrong.

Also- advocating for a child who isn’t having their needs met is NOT ‘complaining’.

There’s some people on this thread who have strong opinions but clearly no idea of this child’s legal right to dignity. His dignity is not just about what he’s wearing or dressing in ‘girls’ clothes, it’s about feeling comfortable, safe and secure. He can’t vocalise this but his rights are no less relevant. I’ve seen amazing foster carers in my job, going above and beyond, but sadly in any job, that’s not always the case. Let’s be clear, the carers are paid to deliver a service on behalf of the LA. Yes it must be challenging at times and all respect to carers for that. But there’s a duty there and it can’t be ignored.
if it helps, article 23 rights of the child is relevant here.
https://www.unicef.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/UNCRC_summary-1_1.pdf

It could be a sensory thing and may provide a compression feeling which some like. I agree with PP if social worker has requested not dressing in tights I'd expect that to be respected but why is the mother focusing on criticising the foster carer instead of making the changes needed. Seems odd and sad too. Hope things improve soon.

Please, please read all of the OP's posts. Her sister has cancer. She can't take the little one because she has two SEN children of her own.

We’ve always done it to stop them pulling socks off

And I have definitely taken that from this thread instead of asking her not to do it we first need to find out why she is!

I think this a positive way of moving forward. Also to note that alongside all the knowing of his Mum, and you, and the nursery, that the only person who knows what it is to care for the boy right now, away from home, in these exceptional circumstances, is his foster carer. That is also its own unique thing, worthy of respect. You're all having different experiences with him, and you all have different things to contribute. Together you make a team. Absolutely, safeguard, but do allow for diversity.

If the parent and SW have asked the Foster carer to stop then they stop.

I really don’t understand why you felt it necessary to make such an inane, inaccurate and inappropriate comment.

Playing devil's advocate here, but does the FC have other children of her own who will use these tights later on.

Sorry to hear about your family's troubles. Hope everyone makes good progress and things will get better soon.

Yes. The OP is worried about her sister's cancer. Maybe read more of the thread. She's made it clear that her sister is concerned for her child's comfort.

I am a foster carer and I think the fc in this instance needs to respect the parents wishes as much as possible.

most parents will complain about clothing and hair styles when their children are living with a foster carer. This is a natural response to losing their child and their rights (even though they may not have lost parental rights it’s a minefield for everyone).

even if I believed the child should wear tights (maybe a cultural thing going on here) I would not dress a child in a way that causes unhappiness to the parent. Being friendly, respectful and kind is always the way I try to go.

I have had instances where I can’t dress the child as the parents insist and this has caused a lot of distress and distrust all around. It is so important that the carer understands and empathises with the parent as much as possible. I try to have a collaborative approach wherever possible. This is also what the child needs. They need to feel that mum is still very much there and cares and is involved. Otherwise they suffer more as in an acrimonious environment.

You've missed the post where the OP explains why she can't look after her nephew. There may be no other relatives around.

When I was caring for my parents and then my late husband, I had no family members able to give me a break since I'm an only child and I have no children of my own. When I had an operation, my mother had to go into respite care because I was physically unable to look after her, my father was dead by then and my husband was a stroke victim.

Realistically tights on boys is really odd at 4 in most places. If he has sensory needs and needs something next to his skin OTs usually recommend skins like they wear at football. I can't work out why she would do this, if he is a nappy remover at 4 then drawstring jeans or drawstring joggers usually prevent this.

I would be contacting his IRO directly to advocate for him. I would also suggest mum complain to the foster carers supervising social worker.

You don't have to understand it. If that is what the mum wants to think about then it really does not matter. We are talking about a woman who has had their world turned upside down. Her child living with strangers and the possibility that she may not recover. If her child wearing what she wants him to wear and what will make him comfortabale then the bloody foster carer should be making taht happen. It really isn't hard.