To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

" Is the child happy to be wearing them?"

No he's not.

The OP mentioned cancer diagnosis and treatment way before you rocked up with your ‘making necessary changes” nonsense.

My ex used to wear them under work trousers if working outside. It's to keep them warmer over winter. Is the child happy to be wearing them? I could understand if their going to the park or going to be outdoors all day over winter. She might be doing it to reduce her heating costs as well.

Perhaps you are not able to ascertain that I answered the OP, in that message asking for suggestions cancer treatment was not mentioned. Feel free to continue the reactionary condescension elsewhere, thanks.

What do you mean that the mother is not making the changes needed? I doubt she can do very much about having cancer and needing treatment so what is it she should be doing, what changes should she be making?

Don't feel silly we all make mistakes.

Ok, interesting. Enjoy your day. Goodbye.

I haven't been able to read the whole thread so sorry if this had already been covered.

I am a FC, my best advice to you would be to send an email so you have a paper trail to the CSW asking why the FC seems to insist on the child being in tights and your concerns. If you deem the response to be unacceptable then ask the CSW to explain to the foster child the BM wishes for the tights to not be used anymore -again in writing. If this doesn't stop, email the CSW manager and explain everything thats happened. If you get no further then the next stop would be to contact the IRO. Just make sure you have a paper trail. Everybody working/ part of social services needs a paper trail to back yourselves up. Or you may even get an answer you understand but I think not knowing why she's doing this is what's causing an issue.

Unless there is a really valid reason they are putting tights on under his trousers, the FC should be taking mums wishes into account. It helps build a good relationship between BM and FC, which is only a good thing for the child.

To me it seems a bit strange if he's not cold and uses vests that keep his nappy up anyway that he would be wearing tights. Personally I don't think it's undignified, just unnecessary from the comments you've made as he seems too hot. It's not a difficult thing to change, even if the offer is just of a compromise to not put him in them on contact days.

Good luck

I wouldn’t,

except I’ve read the op’s posts where she has clearly stated he doesn’t want to wear them, they make him hot, uncomfortable, blotchy and itchy, and irritable. The nursery, his SW, and his mother all agree he doesn’t need them.

That’s how reading comprehension works- read the information on offer and then you will know things!

JFC take a break. How would you know what the child needs?!!!!!

I think this thread would have gone rather differently if the first post had only talked about comfort, not the bollocks about gendered clothing, had mentioned his additional needs, and had explained that the background was not neglect but rather severe illness in the child's mother. But so many people haven't read the OP's updates. Of course tights can be fine on a boy. Of course he deserves to be comfortable. Of course extra attention has to be paid to that in a child who can't verbalise. And of course a mum too ill to care full time for her own child can still care for his comfort.

As a fostering social worker, I'm deeply aware of that, I was trying to establish with the OP if there was any alternative care options if the foster carer continues to add further stress to the mother going through a very difficult time.

JaneAustensHeroine · Today 11:56

"Pick your battles.

He is safe and well cared for."

And he would be even more well cared for if she didn't put tights underneath his trousers and cause him discomfort.

I get what you're saying but he is still ops sisters child she is the main parent not this woman. I do question these so called professionals when they can't follow basic instructions. I have heard of worse things to happen in FC homes. This situation is relatively minor compared to the abuse I have heard. This woman does not have parental responsibility she is being paid to do a job to look after the child while the mother is having treatment. If the child doesn't like wearing tights and the nursery removes them as soon as she drops him off then clearly he doesn't like wearing them. The FC has good intentions but she likes to be in control.

BeeDavis · Today 07:34

"I used to put tights on my little boy as he could never keep his bloody socks on 🤣 don’t see an issue!"

But it is an issue for this little boy.

There seems to be many posters on this thread who are too lazy to read, too ignorant to understand and too nasty to empathise.