To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Foster carer shouldn't be doing this.
At least, not if the parent doesn't want it.
Go back to social worker again about it.
It's not relevant here whether you or I would put a boy in tights. Over this matter, a foster parent should be working with the parent.

I don’t have experience with social workers, but is it normal for a SW to be getting involved in such trivial matters!? Mum is clearly going through a hard time, but surely there are bigger priorities for her right now!

I can’t believe the responses. Tight under trousers indoors regardless of age/sex isn’t necessary and can be uncomfortable.
I’m amazed a FC is blatantly ignoring requests from the SW/ birth parent.

@TotoroElla

i hope his Mum gets well enough to get him back home asap. Could none of the family have moved in with them or had them move in to help instead of him going into FC?? She must be distraught.

However, you need to focus on him being too hot as the reason, that makes sense but (from your OP

Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item

does not.

My DS2 is 4 and he would make it very clear he did not want to wear DD's woolly red tights to school. He wears long trousers, socks and his trainers, and with his outdoor jacket is quite warm enough- even today when it was 3 degrees here this morning.

Genuinely horrified at people posting that this is a case of a bad mum who has had her child "removed", when the OP has twice stated his mum is unwell and having treatment.

She should be respecting the Mum's wishes, and I can see it being too warm but if course there's nothing wrong with boys in tights. They're just clothes.

The FC needs to do what the SW is asking her to do.

The choice to put a 4yo boy in tights under trousers is very odd in normal British winter weather. It's not the Yukon. And if it were the Yukon, parents would put padded snow pants/ bibs over normal indoor clothes and the snow gear would be taken off when the child came inside.

The SW's reason to object to the tights is odd. Boys do wear tights and tights-like thermals under trousers in some cultures and climates. It's not 'undignified'.

The other children shouldn't be allowed to make fun of their SEN classmate. Teachers need to protect him and encourage a more accepting atmosphere.

However -
How do you know all of this?
And how does the mum have so much first hand info wrt the child if he is in foster care?

The only person who can answer that is her. None of us can tell you why she thinks he's cold . Maybe she's one of those people who also feels cold herself and so thinks he's cold too? Maybe her house is very cold? Maybe she was doing it over winter when it was cold and is just doing out of habit? Only she knows!

I think unless he's becoming dangerously overheated it's really not a big problem. Presumably, quite a small problem in the grand scheme of things if he's been removed from his parents! Does his mum give thanks for all the care he's getting from the foster carer or is it just moaning about him being a little bit warm in the clothes she dresses him in?

As the child has sensory issues and is unable to advocate his needs for himself but you can see he’s too hot/ uncomfortable I would definitely push back against this big time. I’d keep binning the tights every time and explain firmly that as it’s expressly against the wishes of mum and SW has agreed that this needs to stop immediately. That and the fact it’s totally unnecessary and harming the child by making him too hot and uncomfortable. Why should the poor child continue to be uncomfortable because the FC is obviously batshit. Nobody of any sex needs tights under trousers in this weather. Make a formal complaint to social care. I’d also be speaking to nursery as well and making them aware of the situation.

I’m really surprised a social worker has the time or inclination to care about tights in the first place!

Or that anyone would think tights were “undignified” - has anyone told various actors?

It’s normal in most of Europe to put tights on boys. The English are obsessed with boys versus girls clothing and that’s why children in the UK, especially boys, aren’t very well dressed. On holiday you can spot English children a mile off.

If your relative doesn’t like it she can just pass that onto the FC but the whole ‘undignified for boys’ argument is really ignorant.

@SecondHandFurniture

the SW says it's not protecting his dignity.

it's not about being too warm or anything sensible. It's just stupidity, I'd not be listening to her either!

He's 4, he doesn't need tights under his trousers when he's at nursery or in the house. Actually I'd say he doesn't need them at all and if the sw has asked her to stop then she should stop

Children often have clothing preferences based on how the clothes feel and like (or dislike) certain textures or tight/loose clothing. Sensory sensitivity is especially common in children who are struggling in other ways (like being in care). I imagine that the kid wants to wear tights and the trousers on top are a compromise to help him fit in. If it makes the child’s life easier then it’s a good thing. Building a working relationship with those looking after your relative is going to help your relative a lot more than stopping your relative from wearing tights.

Don’t see a problem with it