To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Are you bothered that he's hot?

Or are you bothered he's wearing a piece of clothing usually worn by girls?

At 4 the kids in the nursery don't care what others are wearing. They haven't yet been indoctrinated into adult gender stereotypes. They are not saying anything or even noticing.

Is this really an issue for the child or is it just an issue for you?

I agree with this completely.

Of course, we also don't know - as SEND has been mentioned - if there is a reason why the foster carer - and Nursery remember - have him in tights. The child has SEND. That is huge ranging and covers so many things. What might (without full information) seem like an unusual choice of clothing, may well have an absolutely sound reason behind it.
I say again, if the child were too hot, then the Nursery staff would have removed them. Nursery staff support NT children with choices about taking layers off, but are absolutely on it when working with children with additional needs. They would not leave him in clothing that was making him hot for 3 hours / 5 hours / 10 hours / however long he is there.
It might well be he is outside for most of his time too, which makes a difference of course.

I think the language being used is the issue and will not help, feels awfully like making a mountain out of a molehill.

Next LAC review bring up that child gets very warm, can this being considered when dressing him, throw in a couple of options, e.g. if he is cold in the morning could he have a blanket in the car etc...

There is absolutely nothing undignified about a 4 year old yearing tights under trousers in the winter, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and if a social worker said this to me I would ignore them too, and if they insisted on using the word 'undignified' I would complain.

My son is six and has worn tights in the winter because he spends a lot of time outside and gets cold. He did not stop being a boy when I bought them!

The issue is his comfort, not that a small child is wearing tights under trousers.

It's absolutely a concern if the child is being dressed in clothing that is uncomfortable for them.

SEN children are often very reliant on people advocating for them and anticipating their needs.

The child's mother is still their mother even if the child is in FC and she and her family can and should advocate for their best interests.

The bigger issue is the foster carer not taking mum and SWs opinion into account. I was a registered foster carer for 15 years and any time the parents had an issue with a thing I did, as long as it wasn’t about safety or health then it was my job to do it. Because it’s not about me, my job is to keep the child safe until they can be reunited with their family. Full stop.
I think this needs bringing up at a meeting about things. The foster carer isn’t god and should be listening.

Agree with this. In my area (and many others I believe), foster carers are few and far between. as long as the child is safe and well cared for, you really should pick your battles rather than antagonise the person who is presumably giving the child a secure home.

It's totally valid to discuss the warmth perspective, but I don't get the "undignified" part. Some girls hate tights, some boys are ok wearing them, tights are functional wear, not a sex specific one.

I'm not sure it's appropriate for his mother to be dictating to his foster carer about details that don't have any safeguards implications, such as clothing choices. It's not workable. He's in the care of a foster carer who presumably is trained and supervised, so his mother needs to accept that and not attempt to micromanage. Would she complain he was given chicken nuggets for a quick dinner, or allowed a packet of Wotsits? Those are things some parents would consider poor choices for a toddler too, but they aren't outside the normal range of caregiving and they may well happen in a care setting. His mother would be better off leaving the foster carer to do her job and focusing on whatever the situation is that led to his being taken into care. If there are serious concerns about his care, the SW should be handling them.

Your sister need to take her concerns (potentially with your help) up with the SW again.

Ideally in writing and be detailed about your concerns which need to be child centric.

By which means don't focus on tights are not for boys but that he is too hot/uncomfortable (how do you know? How does he express this?) Be specific.

However be mindful that FC's are like unicorns and in short supply.

I'm not suggesting you don't raise concerns - you absolutely should, but I would be conscious of being very evidential and specific about the concern and what you want to achieve.

I said that because his mum was upset about kids at nursery making fun of him as tights are usually put on girls.

This part is ridiculous. a) they wouldn't even know what he has on under his trousers and b) children in Nursery don't make fun of what other children wear. Seriously, all of them wonder round in all sorts of strange mixtures of clothing throughout the day.

If the Nursery has a little one with SEND, who is non-verbal, they will be very aware of how comfortable or otherwise he is temperature wise and would have left the tights off at nappy changing time if that were an issue.

So I am inclined to agree with all of those saying that you, and his birth mother are focusing on the wrong thing here.

Don't use the term "use his words". Which sounds pretty victim blaming about a child in care.
He has almost certainly learnt that "his words" aren't being listened to many vital moments.

Foster carer shouldn't be doing this.
At least, not if the parent doesn't want it.
Go back to social worker again about it.
It's not relevant here whether you or I would put a boy in tights. Over this matter, a foster parent should be working with the parent.

I don’t have experience with social workers, but is it normal for a SW to be getting involved in such trivial matters!? Mum is clearly going through a hard time, but surely there are bigger priorities for her right now!

@TotoroElla

i hope his Mum gets well enough to get him back home asap. Could none of the family have moved in with them or had them move in to help instead of him going into FC?? She must be distraught.

However, you need to focus on him being too hot as the reason, that makes sense but (from your OP

Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item

does not.

My DS2 is 4 and he would make it very clear he did not want to wear DD's woolly red tights to school. He wears long trousers, socks and his trainers, and with his outdoor jacket is quite warm enough- even today when it was 3 degrees here this morning.

The FC needs to do what the SW is asking her to do.

The choice to put a 4yo boy in tights under trousers is very odd in normal British winter weather. It's not the Yukon. And if it were the Yukon, parents would put padded snow pants/ bibs over normal indoor clothes and the snow gear would be taken off when the child came inside.

The SW's reason to object to the tights is odd. Boys do wear tights and tights-like thermals under trousers in some cultures and climates. It's not 'undignified'.

The other children shouldn't be allowed to make fun of their SEN classmate. Teachers need to protect him and encourage a more accepting atmosphere.

However -
How do you know all of this?
And how does the mum have so much first hand info wrt the child if he is in foster care?