To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Hi Op, You sound almost too forgiving of FC for acting in a way that she believes (in this scenario, it definitely you and his mum) is best.

My dc was a little one a very long time ago now, but I remember how I felt about “should anyone hurt or distress him”….……
….. of course looking back, as much as I tried it was impossible to shield him from people and knocks… and he wasn’t a diagnosed sen child.

Its obviously a lot worse for your dear sis, as her child will find it even harder to navigate his life, and she knows she won’t physically be there to listen to any woes or delights ….

I often wish I could wave a magic wand when I see, or hear of such hard life experiences.

Would you consider coming back to this post to let us know how your email was dealt with, and if there’s anything else us mumsnetters might help?

Even if no one can solve it, I find that in times of deep concern, sharing those times with complete strangers (sometimes better than those too close to you) sort of helps me…
………….. even the act of writing down what my problems are, can help to clarify what I might be able to do, having set it all out in front of me.

I’m so glad your sis has you in her life… you and she have a special bond that will stay with you forever, she has given you the gift of trust, and even though you have a mountain of difficulties within your own little brood, you are lovely and thoughtful to treat your dear little nephew with the love and care he deserves.

YOU…. deserve all the love in the world, and I hope you feel the love and expressions of empathy coming from all of us too.

Big hugs 🤗 x

TotoroElla
Yes, this is so accurate. It might seem petty but his mum hates the fact the FC doesn't put him in matching clothes. She won't put the same tracksuit bottoms on with the top she just puts any old one on. This kills his mum because she wants to be the one dressing him and making him look 'nice.' But she has to tell herself it doesn't matter as long as he is comfortable. But it's hard.

I don't think it's petty at all. It's the nub of this. Mum wants her child to be dressed as she wants him dressed. And that's completely fine. There doesn't need to be another reason.

But it’s nursery who have flagged that he is too hot

I'm sorry you and your DS are in this situation and hope DS is making good progress.

I used to put DS in cotton tights because he had nasty eczema on his legs and they stopped him scratching.

Other posters have suggested tights are a way to secure nappies on - a presumably - very active child and it is completely normal in lots of cultures to put boys in tights.

I think you need to understand the whys and wherefores here. If there is a good reason for the tights, mum may feel differently. And FWIW I used to put DS in cotton chinos over his tights so he didn't get too hot.

If there isn't a good reason and you think he is too hot, then you can ask her to stop more forcefully.

Tights being for girls/undignified is bullshit though.

There are plenty of pp that raise the roof if their mil go against their wishes with the grandkids.....

I thought that- if you replaced FC with MIL you would get very different responses.

Every decent parent cares that their children are happy and comfortable. They choose a nanny/nursery/school they think will be good for them, and they complain if something goes wrong. They advocate for their child. If they have a babysitter for the night they expect them to care for the child in a way they as the parents are happy with…

but if you have had the terrible misfortune to not have extensive family support and get cancer, you should apparently shut up and be grateful that the foster system is there at all. The fact it’s a million times harder, and the stakes are a million times higher for your child is irrelevant- you should put up and shut up.

Utterly batshit.

Dear Nephew has made it clear in his own way, that he is too hot for tights as well as the trousers.

Nursery seems to also recognise that, else the wouldn't be removing the tights whilst he was in their care.

The fact that he's a boy is irrelevant, only his feelings of discomfort are.

If it was a matter of him feeling distress over wearing clothing that was causing comment, that should be addressed too.

I could cry for this little kid... if I was told I HAD to wear clothing that made me feel hot, and I could not communicate that to whoever was dressing me, I would consider that to be abusing my feelings, even if my carer acted with best intentions.

The FC in the op HAS been asked to refrain from dressing the child in the tights.

The FC should've complied with the child's mothers request.

My goodness, for mum to be so ill that she knows that she could die, and that her dear child is not being listened to, nor the child's advocating aunt, must surely be making her feel so impotent in her child's future care.

OP, I no little about how the FC/SW system operates, but there has to be a way to educate the FC to work WITH the mother and possibly you too as his advocating aunt.
Also from your post, it's not only the tights issue that is upsetting his mum.

The pp that seem to believe that the mum should be grateful that an FC is available, therefore shouldn't moan, suck.

There are plenty of pp that raise the roof if their mil go against their wishes with the grandkids.....

OP, be as strong as you can be, both the uncomfortable child and the child's mother need you to be that lion.
I know you have your own issues, and I really feel for you... must be more than difficult and distressing.

I wish all of you the best possible outcome.

Personally, I'd like to dress the FC up in as many layers as possible, and tie her hands up, then turn the heating up to t-shirt level.
Tell her it's because I'm concerned for her, as I feel too cold....

Gee, when I have a hot menopause flash, I can't wait to rip my layers off.
I'd literally go mad if I couldn't get them off.

Big hugs x

You need to be better the child's mother has cancer and she sees her son in distress because he is hot and he doesn't like wearing tights. The only time this month I have worn my coat was when it was raining. The SW and the child's mother had told her to stop but like many people in this world she's hard of hearing and want to do her own thing.

Oh god I didn't see that, thought I'd read everything. No offence meant at all, can't imagine how hard this situation must be....I just put myself in the situation and thought if my child was being cared for by someone else and it was out of my control I'd also be picking at everything- must be very difficult x

I think someone didn’t like being picked up on her attitude.

You need help babe

Really

If I was looking after someone elses child ie put tights on them in february and if they didn't like what I'd done I'd expect t to be told not slated online.

And if I was looking after them again and I thought they'd be cold I'd put tights on again and expect the person with the problem to remove them but in my care I'd keep the kid warm.

K thanks bye