To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

She’s out of order doing this.

Why is she going against the mothers and social workers wishes?

I agree with others that the FC is possibly concerned about the nappy slipping and is using tights to secure it as he will be too big for baby vests which would normally be used for this. Dressing him in leggings as has been suggested as an alternative to tights and trousers would draw attention to the fact that he is wearing a nappy so perhaps the FC is trying to secure the nappy while at the same time trying to have him appear the same as the other boys.

When I was younger my mum did childminding and one of the boys wore tights because they were warm. Nobody really asks “what’s under your trousers” anyway and they don’t do PE or anything like that at that age. They are also not sore observant of each others clothes at 4 - I don’t think.

As a grown up I know a few men that wear a few layers under their trousers to keep warm - like long John style pieces that resemble leggings.

It’s all practical.

Not sure what your sister can do if it’s the decision of the foster carer except for having a word and hoping for the best.

Sometimes even put them on in the house so they couldn't take their socks off be abuse they had tights on or instead of trousers to give that extra freedom to play. Have me arrested immediately

As the weather gets warmer now, there will be no need for this so hopefully she stops. 4yr olds run around all day, so surprised she even thinks there's a need for this?

How awfully uncomfortable!
Is she old, it seems like an older generation thing of fearing the cold!
I still put my son in a vest under his clothes when it's cold but not in summer but that's as I don't trust him to not take him jumper off and just be in a short sleeve top

I put tights under trousers for both my boy and girl in winter. I wouldn’t put my daughter in tights and dress in winter. Tights are not warm enough on their own.
Often the trousers for kids especially if cheap are thin like leggings and in the winter they still spend a lot of time outside in nursery so they need an extra layer in my opinion. If someone else was looking after my child I’d rather they were warm than outside at nursery freezing cold.

Wow this up there with the worst ive read on here

She's clearly just keeping him warm.

Both my boys wore tights even for nursery.

H&m sell boys tights! With boys patterns on, so it's really not that unheard of or obscure and when I didn't have patterned boys tights they just wore plain tights because they are warm and play out in all westhers at nursery and when they were still in a pram neither liked foot muff, cosy toes or blankets on them so they were put in tights because I might have been warm walking miles but they were sat still in a pram and not keeping warm by moving.

Not once did it ever cross my mind that:
Other kids would notice they had "girls" clothing on,
The nursery staff would be like oh look shes put her boy in tights, GIRL tights let's tell her how bad of a parent she is,
Not once did I think it was unacceptable...... until it was too warm.

Only ever thought about my kids being warm and comfortable.

To be so offended says more about you than anyone else especially the person you're annoyed at grow up

I absolutely hate seeing overdressed kids and babies. Makes me feel ill thinking how uncomfortable they must be. And it’s so dangerous for babies. Some people are so panicky about kids being cold, no idea why.

I’d be questioning why the FC is buying him tights in the first place, surely his mum has provided enough clothes and you or she can buy more if they’re needed?

Of course it’s not usual for boys in the UK to wear tights, it doesn’t matter what people in other countries do, I’ve never seen tights for sale in the boys departments in any shops here. Yes some people may decide to put them on their own sons for whatever reason, but that is their own child who they can make that decision for and isn’t upsetting anyone else. If he’s cold then she should be putting thicker trousers on him, but in this country kids don’t need more than one layer of clothing unless it’s freezing weather or they’re outside in the wet in which case you can buy waterproof over trousers.

And if the mum has asked her to stop then she should stop. It’s not an unreasonable request the same as if she said please don’t dress him in character clothes, perhaps the FC thinks it’s a bonkers request but it wouldn’t take much effort to just do it to respect the mums wishes.

How can him wearing tights be seen as not protecting his dignity?
Recently my nearly 4 year old came home from nursery wearing pink tights because he didn't have any socks left. He didn't care, I didn't care, the other kids didn't care. My son is autistic and non verbal but believe me he'd find a way to let the staff know if he didn't want to wear them.
I'm not sure why a SW would be against it either.
10 degrees is cold, especially if he's playing outside at nursery. If this is your biggest concern then seems like you're just nit picking and looking for something to moan about instead of being glad that someone is caring for him while mum can't.

If her parenting is so poor that her child is in foster care, then I think that him wearing tights is the least of her worries.
Maybe she should start examining her own actions rather thsn those of the person eho is keeping him safe.

This is one of the most vile posts I have ever read on MN.

Disgusting.

It looks as though she's putting the tights on, to keep his nappy in place, and stop it leaking.
If that's the case, maybe he could just wear leggings, instead of tights and trousers.
My DS has leggings with shorts attached. They're from H&M, and are designed to look 'sporty'.

She needs to say she’s noticed he’s too hot and he feels the warm so no need for them.

saying it’s a girls item will make her look thick.

I used to put tights on my little boy as he could never keep his bloody socks on 🤣 don’t see an issue!

You have no idea about the circumstances surrounding why this child is in foster care. Not every child is placed in foster care because of poor parenting. Stop leaving hurtful comments about a family that are clearly in a vulnerable situation.

WTAF. 🙄

My god, people are massively failing to see the point here.

Tights under trousers for a 4 year old who is indoors is completely unnecessary and must be making him really uncomfortable.

In terms of what you can do OP, I guess firstly speak to the nursery manager and ask them to ensure LO is appropriately dressed when he is with them and that they should ensure he isn’t hot or distressed and give express permission to remove tights. Nurseries are kept so warm that I cannot imagine having two layers on then a top / jumper too. It’s red hot in our nursery, the staff walk about it T-shirts in the middle of January!!!

secondly, make a formal complaint to the SW and ask for them to have a formal conversation with the FC. I realise the SW has mentioned it before but perhaps FC hasn’t really taken it on board and it might be what she’s done for other children. She may need to be told in a more formal direct way.

Hope your friend recovers and is reunited with her little boy soon. It must be very hard for her.

Also, if I tried to put “girl” tights on my 4 year old he’d scream absolute bloody murder. Of course preschool kids realise the basics of gender norms - not saying it’s right but that is a fact of life. They’re 4 not babes in arms.

That's an awful thing to say. Imagine being a single mum, with no family, getting a debilitating but hopefully temporary illness, and knowing that you are unable to care for your child or children. Imagine during the Covid pandemic, being hosptialised and not having any family willing to take on your children. Don't judge.

That sounds very hot and uncomfortable! Poor kid. Some people insist on bundling kids up in several layers all Autumn and Winter regardless of the actual temperature. My kids are often in shorts on days in early October when the temperature is hitting 20 degrees and we see kids in bobble hats and scarfs - the parents aren't dressed like that!

If a four-year-old is not used to wearing tights, then it could be quite distressing for him, not only to be in foster care, but to have to start wearing tights. That would be my main concern.