To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Have you actually read any of the OP's post? Mum is unwell and not able to look after her child. Some proper judgemental dicks on this thread.
Tights on boys is not the issue, the problem is the child is too hot and the foster carer is ignoring parental wishes. I would put in a formal complaint if this continues.

Please read the thread before commenting again. I don't think the mum wants to have cancer or have her child in foster care

Absolute bollocks. It isn’t about your kids, or how hot or cold they are- it’s about this child and hot or cold HE is.

HE is too hot and uncomfortable- the nursery staff who have known him longer than the FC can see this- they remove the tights, his family who know him better than anyone can see this, and they remove them. The SW can see this and has told the FC to stop, as have the family.

The FC is there to take care of the child while the mum gets over cancer- this is a devastating situation for the child (who already has SEND to deal with), and the family.

The FC should be 100% prioritising the safety and comfort of the child, and should be being guided on all issues by the mother (who still has PR in all matters), and the SW who is aware of the child’s SEND- that is her job.

The SW might have views on gendered clothing that you don’t agree with (neither do I), and presumably the FC doesn’t either- but that is totally irrelevant.

If the FC isn’t capable of discerning the child’s needs herself by observing him being hot/red in the face/irritable, and isn’t willing to listen to his mother (who’s only crime is to be ill with cancer and not have a family member who has the capacity to take in a disabled 4 year old indefinitely), the nursery professionals or the SW- what the fuck else isnt she able to see?!

Just try and imagine being a single mum with a disabled 4 year old, finding out you have cancer and the treatment you need to try and stay alive is going to make you so so ill that the only option is for someone else, that you don’t know, to step in and take care of your child.

You are deathly ill, and you have to make the selfless decision to allow your disabled 4 year old, whom you know will be devastated and frightened, and who doesn’t even have the language to express that, to go and live with a stranger.

You have to trust that that stranger will take care of your child, be kind to them and meet their already complex needs at a time when they are incredibly emotionally and physically vulnerable- you trust them to do that while knowing that they don’t love your child like you do.

And then that FC ignores a simple request, from 3 different sources- she has the arrogance to think she knows your child, whom you have brought up for 4 years and whose every need is as clear as day to you, better than you.

And you think you wouldn’t be bothered and @TotoroElla and the child’s mother should ‘grow up’?!

You wouldn’t think, if she can’t see he is too hot and she doesn’t care how I, as his mother, want him to be cared for- then what else is she doing? Is she feeding him properly? Does she know when he is full or hungry? Can she tell when his nappy needs to be changed? Does she notice when he is frightened and misses his mummy, and does she reassure him?

You would be a grown up would you, and turn off all your care and worry for your child?

Have you read the thread?

Could this turn out to be long term care? I've got nothing to base this on from the op but I wonder if in a couple years the FC will be saying this is a trans child based on the fact he's worn 'girls clothes like tights' for a while. SEN kids and kids in care are the most vulnerable groups for being pushed into transition. They are actively targeted.

Hopefully this isn't the case here but I think you should be aware of the influences on our kids. I have a high need SEN kid the trans influence is rife in all support services we have come across

Given the wee boy is in foster care I'd say you all have more serious things to worry about than policing gender normative clothing. FFS.

@thebestinterest I haven't read any replies past yours. I read the first few on page one, then tapped 'See all' to read all the OP's posts. It's very easy to do. I saw OP's quote of your post.
I hope you've had your arse handed to you in subsequent replies for what you said and I hope you're ashamed that you said it.

apologies if someone already said it but it culturally quite normal for young boys to wear tights in central and Eastern Europe and also in Scandinavia I think.

My now adult DSes regularly wore tights until school age. If they hadn't wanted to they wouldn't have long before they were 4.I , too, find it odd to hear that they are teased for it at nursery age. DC wear and style themselves in all sorts of ways that aren't conventional

You say your sister is unwell and receiving treatment and that’s the reason why your nephew is in foster care. If you’re that bothered about the level of care he’s receiving why aren’t you or another family member stepping up and looking after him?

don’t go after a selfless person who fosters other peoples children because of an item of clothing she puts them in.

Is he trying to get to his nappy maybe? Clothing can be used to discourage smearing etc.

Next, read the part where op says mother has cancer.

Do you think she had choice in this matter?

God there are some awful people on here

What a ridiculous comment. Where do you live where the kids are such models of appropriate dress then?

Regardless of all the issues as to why the child is in care, the carer should be working with the family and SW and mum either retains or shares PR depending on legal arrangements. If carer is ignoring a seemingly reasonable request there are options to resolve this: the carer will have her own SW, child’s SW can involve her if she hasn’t already done so. Or, child will have an IRO (independent reviewing officer), mum can approach IRO and ask them to intervene- there will be an informal and formal dispute process to address such issues and/or discuss at child’s review. Or there will be a complaints process that can be used. Obviously better to try and resolve without a formal complaint if possible but can be escalated as required. Note: obv I don t know all circumstances but this is professional advice I would offer to any parent with a child in care.

Another person who is projecting their own views and judgements rather than reading the OPs concerns.

it’s because he’s too hot!

I used to put tights on DS1 when he was little because the bugger used to pull his socks off and end up with feet like ice blocks.

If she puts him in them then It’ll be because it’s colder at her house/nursery than at his mother’s house.

So take them off when he’s visiting home.

It will make no difference to him or the other kids at nursery. It’s nonsense to say it’s undignified. Foster carers do need to be able to get on with the job, and they need some autonomy to do that. Many look after several kids at a once and need to be able to get them dressed and out quickly.

The most useful thing you could do is discourage the mother from making a big deal of this

Wow, that’s nasty. Op has already stated that his mother has cancer.

And the mother surely would have preferred to be his main carer. And to be cancer free!