To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

You mean the picture of a FC not being aware of a child’s needs, and ignoring the wishes of his mother, the advice of the nursery and the directions from his SW?

Tights under trousers is so uncomfortable and restrictive. In 10°C what on earth is she thinking.

This thread seems to have become derailed by the “I love boys in tights” crew which isn’t the issue

The issue is that the boy is hot and uncomfortable due the the FC choices, and the mother who is going through a difficult time already is upset that her boy is uncomfortable and hot.

PP, it doesn’t matter that you dress your boys in tights (crack on) it doesn’t matter that this is commonplace in freezing temperatures, it matters that this is something that the mother wouldn’t do in mild weather, and that the FC is going against the mothers wishes, UNNECESSARILY

@TotoroElla look at the bigger picture here..

My little boy used to wear tights and it was adorable.

The red flag is the FC not doing as the SW asked though. I thought the foster carer was obliged to follow the social worker’s directives 🤔

My DS often wore tights his sisters hand me downs under his joggers if it was cold. My brothers (ages 41-47) wore tights under their trousers if it was cold when we were young & DGS wears them if it's cold so it's been common for a long long time in our as working class as it gets (old mining village) area.

It's currently 2° where I am so I'd be putting tights on DS if we were planning to go anywhere - except he's 16 now so not a chance in Hell I'd get tights on him these days.

No it isn't irrelevant. Especially if it's one of those foster carers who always desperately wanted to foster a little girl, so they thought they'd start crossing boundaries by dressing someone else's son in little girls clothing in less noticeable ways. The fact she's been asked to stop doing it by both the parent AND the social worker is what's relevant here. Why is she choosing to ignore their wishes?

I'd be wondering if it's something to do with his nappy but if that is the case, I'm not sure why FC can't just explain that. To be honest, if his mum has asked her not to then she should respect that.
Also, you said that nursery take the tights off and then put them back on him for pick up time but that doesn't make sense either! Why wouldn't nursery tell FC that they'd taken them off because he gets too hot and uncomfortable and he doesn't need them?And do this every time!

Good idea. Could also try the IRO- they might be persuaded to wade in.

Cool.

Right, so what are these big issues? And in what way do they mean it’s ok for a disabled child to be hot and uncomfortable? @GinnyWizz

I do wonder if it’s something to do with containing or hiding the nappy. 4 year olds are way more likely to say something about another 4 year old wearing a nappy than wearing tights.

I think all you can do is reiterate that he is too hot in the tights, you can tell this by xyz (blotchy face etc). Mum could maybe provide cycling shorts to go over the nappy if that is the issue? Weather is getting warmer so hopefully this will be a temporary issue anyway as nobody is going to put kids in a double bottom layer once it’s March.

I would drop the “girl’s clothes” point personally as that is a matter of opinion.

The foster carer will have their own supervising social worker. If asking the FC directly hasn't changed anything, the child's social worker needs to go to the FC's supervising social and explain the problem and ask them to raise it.

When is his next LAC review?

Disagree

10 degrees is quite cold if you are out in it for a while.

I'm disabled and I use a wheelchair.
I get pretty cold when out and about as I'm essentially being pushed and not moving much.

I have a lot of thermal layers.

Can you clarify when you have seen the child hot and bothered by the layers?

You've said that he comes to nursery in tights and trousers and then nursery take them off while he is there and put them back in at home time.

So presumably the FC is putting them on him for the buggy ride to nursery?

And you say that you or the mum pick up and take them off at the end of the day?

When my life was turned upside down around the same age I loved having a soft cosy layer next to my skin, it felt safe and comforting. Even as an adult, I'm wired that way - the feel of things is important. Glad most of you weren't looking after me! Far too many adult preoccupations and judgements on this thread, plus a shit load of projections. So few prioritising a child-centred view.

I don’t believe that tbh. If it was a case of the boy being too hot and uncomfortable, OP would have focused on that instead of the comments about it being girls clothes and the SW allegedly saying it’s undignified. The focus on it being too hot only developed after several posters said it’s a normal thing to do.

It’s normal in most of Europe to put tights on boys

But we're in the UK and it's definitely not the norm here.

OP is the foster carer from a different culture where this is considered normal?

OP, I think you should all be concerned about the bigger picture, given this is a small child, in care. The tights don't matter. There are big things to be thinking about and to be concerned about. Not tights.

It isn't freezing at the moment but it isn't so hot that he's going to be too warm outside. Maybe the FM thinks layers are better, two layers outside and then one layer can come off once he is inside. After all we don't insist kids just wear one layer on top, he's probably got a vest, jumper and jacket on when he's outside but on his legs just trousers?

I used to work in a police station, lots of officers would wear tights under their trousers, it was something openly discussed and no more of an issue for the men than it was for the women.