To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

Can't believe some of the replies!

Basically you are trying to advocate for an SEN child in foster care (because mum is seriously unwell) and the FC is ignoring requests from mum and SW. SEN child is mostly non-verbal so cannot say whether he is comfortable with a particular situation, but as a family member who knows the child, you recognise tell-tale signs that he is not comfortable.

That is the gist of the situation?

You have had good advice about making a formal complaint. But I would also want to know the reason the FC keeps doing what she has been asked not to do. There may be a valid reason, but FC needs to explain.

I would argue that if a parent has asked the foster carer to not put their child in a particular item, then unless it’s an unreasonable request such as asking them to not put a coat on when it’s raining, the FC should comply with the parents request.
There could be all sorts of reasons why a child is in foster care, the job of a foster carer is to support that child and work with the actual parent as much as possible.
It’s not about whether it’s ok to put boys in tights under their trousers, it’s about a parent being ignored when making a very reasonable request.

I think you’ve had some awful responses on here. Two layers on the bottom half in nursery is one layer too much. Whether a boy or girl. And sorry that as a family you’re in the position to need the help of FC.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

@lovelysoap

The mother’s cancer diagnosis is the real issue. I’m sure she is facing this head on

Parents who have their kids taken into care for any reason will often feel very powerless and as if they’re already failing their children even if it’s beyond their control like in the case of the OPs relative who sadly has cancers.

Unnecessary actions like this which is causing discomfort for their child can be especially upsetting for the bio parents as they already feel a bit helpless.

It’s a very delicate time for the children too and whereby another kid might not remember incidents like this, for a child in care the stress of the “hot tights” they kept being made to wear may form a big part of their early years memory.

I’m speaking as a former social services professional ( educator for children in care working alongside SWs) and as a care experienced adult who spent a year in privately arranged kinship care as a 4 year old.

@lovelysoap

my advice would be to get off your snotty high horse & read the OP's posts. FFS

Read the thread ffs.

I presume you are lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family with plenty of money and space and time? So if you get cancer you can just ring up aunty Ann two doors down and everything will be hunky dory?

There are lots of single mums in the country who couldn’t magic up a family member or friend to take in a disabled 4 year old full time, on an on going basis.

Im sure the mother wishes the boy was with granny- but there isn’t one. I’m sure the op would prefer the child was with her- but he can’t be because she has 2 disabled children already.

I think it is loud and clear your reasons are you think it's undignified because they are for girls only. Which is utter nonsense. Plenty of boys tights available, look at H&M and other European brands. I wonder if the foster carer is putting them on him for dignity, to cover up the fact he is 4 and still in nappies? Maybe it stops him undoing his nappy? It's a common thing to do with SEN children who poo smear for eg.

What a nasty thing to say. Try reading the OP posts and you will see that the child is in care as the mum is unwell. Typical post from you.

Perhaps you need to work on your reading and comprehension skills.

The father is not around, no grandparents, the only family is OP who has two disabled children of her own!

But you just chose to be judgmental. Shameful

I don't believe the SW said that. Clothes, colours, and toys are for everyone - tights are fine for boys to wear.

@Tatonka

then read the OP's posts.

the Mum has cancer. The op has her own children (also with SEN) and no other family.

The focus needs to be the needs of the child and getting home into a proper place where he can be safe and his needs can be attended to not some red herring like tights.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

Another judgemental twatty post made by a poster with limited reading ability.

The mother has cancer.

Did you read why he is in foster care?

Right, so as well as the mother being bad for having cancer, the op is a bad aunty for having 2 disabled children and not having the capacity to parent a third?

It's not undignified, that's ludicrous, but I bet he is way too warm, poor lad.

I think mum is focusing on the tights issue to avoid the real issue. Children are only taken into foster care as a very last resort. There is a huge lack of foster care spaces and they only go to the children most at risk of immediate serious harm and when there are no other suitable family members who are even able to care for the child on a temporary basis. Things generally need to be rock bottom for a child to be in foster care and not even dad or any of dads extended family or friends can care for the child. Parental responsibility now lies with the local authority as Mum and dad and no friends or relatives can keep this child safe.

i think that it is understandable that the family will focus on a small issue about the foster carer which is easier than facing up tot he very difficult reality that they cant keep a child safe despite social workers trying to work with them to keep the child safe for a long time.

The focus needs to be the needs of the child and getting home into a proper place where he can be safe and his needs can be attended to not some red herring like tights.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

If he's wearing them under trousers like you said what 3 year olds are laughing at them lol? Honestly? I agree it is unnecessary though, it's fairly mild for February

@amylou8

at least do @TotoroElla the courtesy of reading her posts .

FFS her sister has cancer, Toto has 2 SEN DC of her own & there's no other family who could look after him.

Honestly, I don’t believe the boy is as hot and uncomfortable as OP claims. She started off by saying that boys don’t wear tights and even the SW says it’s undignified, but after posters said otherwise, she started to focus on his comfort and his discomfort has gotten worse as the thread has progressed.

The reason is not everyone has an abundance of family and friends who would be able to take in a disabled 4 year old full time for an unknown length of time.

Perhaps the family needs to step up and look after the child if there are other issues as well. I've just seen the comments re the tights