Partner makes me feel ugly

Your dd will use your relationship with your dp as the blueprint for her relationships and she will think this is normal. Leave and she her that there is a different way. That you shouldn’t be disrespectful to your partner (or anyone for that matter), and that she shouldn’t accept either treating someone like this or being treated like this. She’s already started to mirror her father’s behaviour.

I know this is an old thread but any updates @WhyWhyY- hope you’re doing okay!

Hiya, guys new here!! My new partner of 9 months makes me so ugly!!! Only ever called beautiful after asking.. talks and likes girls he once fancied.. he can't even look at me when I get undressed... nothing feels real I asked him the once for a little more comments abput my body ect . he told me he can't do that for me I feel so depressed and so insecure 😔 I got out and see a fit girls he's all eyes always... but never wonder in my direction unless he feel threatened by another man... I look after this man financially he lives with his mom at the age of 33 untill me in massive debt and I've been made to feel a little attention is to much.. he's quick to get aroused over girls on the telly and socials but me in full sexy gear he has hard time getting it up I get upset feeling like its me ....Im quick to be blames its my fault he can't get hard because I get up set so I started holding the up set back and no change he follows half naked girls on social can't even comment on mine posts but quick to get upset set when some one else comments I feel so depressed and unwanted by him... always blames for seeking attention but all I cry of for is his... so lost can any help ?

Not normal OP, I’m slightly shrek like, DH would never say anything negative about my appearance and DD would be brought up short of she ever did either.

I think perhaps move by yourself initially at least, give yourself some breathing space to just be.

I want to cry for you OP.

But as a couple of PPs have said, you have found strength just by posting here. I say this a lot but there's a bunch of great women here that are supportive and have good advice.

If it were me, I'd definitely take myself away for a weekend or a week or whatever you can manage. Pamper yourself, do things that make you feel good and give yourself some time and peace to think. Don't tell them that you're going but be prepared to make plans to exit for good.

OP you don’t need to worry about finding someone to love you. You need to worry about loving yourself. You CAN learn to love yourself again in this situation. And then you certainly won’t let your bratty teen say something hurtful like that without some kind of consequence. And you won’t let your dh’s neglect be the end of your world.

Reclaim your self-esteem piece by piece - do you know where to start?

The behaviour from both of them is absolutely disgusting. Your daughter has learned she can insult you and speak to you like dirt without consequence and your husband just laughs. Shameful from both of them. I’d tell them that you know that you deserve better than this from both of them and that you’ve had enough. And I’d sort yourself out and leave him to deal with her, frankly. Start with a fortnight anywhere else or whatever you can afford.

That is definitely not normal. You're being disrespected and insulted by your child and your partner. It's horrible.
Our teenage DS is autistic and sometimes says silly things about my appearance, like if I get a new haircut, but DH will always tell him that he's wrong for saying that and will shower me with extra compliments to make up for it!
Your DD is learning that disrespecting you is fine and funny, because that's what her dad is teaching her. I'd be giving her a good talking to for being so rude to you. I'd actually ask her what made her say her dad thinks you're ugly too. Then show her that you aren't going to take that kind of disrespect from her father either. Sort them both out!

It's not your fault. It's your partner's fault.

Well you can! The first thing to do is throw out the cold tea in your teacup (bad partner) then start living your life exactly how you are so that the person who loves exactly that can find you and join you. You have to make room for the hot tea.

Some women have been trained to keep trimming themselves down and shaving off their “bad parts” to fit in the box society or their partners want to push them into. But it never really works. Either we can’t trim off all the parts they don’t like, or they keep trimming until we vanish and are discarded anyway.

If you want to find your true lover you have to break out of the box in all your nobby, spiky, uncomfortable, glory. You can never be less than yourself and be true to yourself and find your person.

Whatever you like be uncompromising about it: Opera, warts, books, naps, travel, zoos. From aardvarks to zombies own your peculiar interests, pleasures, —your style! And devil take the hindmost.

For every crooked foot there is a crooked shoe. For every pot there is a lid.

If you make yourself less you get less.

Did you even bother to read what I wrote? I never said anything about screaming at anyone. You can be angry and express your hurt and anger and not be screaming, it's not hard.

No it isnt acceptable with children. They need to know why their behaviour is unacceptable. Not screamed at in an angry way.

him? Go nuts on him the piece of crap that he is.

What a load of bollocks, I'd leave them both! Ok, I wouldn't leave my kid but I'd probably go on holiday leave them to it then leave him when I got back.

Sorry, but "firm" doesn't even begin to cover it. Being angry over mistreatment is absolutely justified and acceptable as long as you conduct and express yourself appropriately. The op is more than entitled to be angry over how she's been treated.

This. But not angry. Firm.

Well done for looking at alternative housing. Would you take the children with you?

Not a normal relationship op.
Pretending you don’t exist ?
Kids rude to you and he didn’t care ?

Sounds like they’ve picked up on his disrespect for you.

You could try a couple of weeks away. Take a holiday .Give yourself a treat and be able to think clearly about the way forward.

It will make them think twice about taking you for granted.

I'm so sad reading how some women live

It is absolutely astonishing that you allow your children to treat you this way, never mind your shit husband. If this thread isn't a wake-up call for you, nothing will be.

Tell your husband you're filing for divorce and tell your awful kids that they must never, ever speak to you like that again. FFS, get angry.

@WhyWhyY
life shouldn’t be like that. I’ve been married 20 years and he is still my best friend and I am his. Of course we can do things separately but more often than not we are together. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel confident and loved. That’s how it should be. I obviously do same for him. I think he’s ace. But I know for sure. I’d rather be alone than in a relationship that made me feel alone.

You can get in a rut with long term relationships, but my experience is that sex is the glue that binds you together.

I have looked totally shit for days on end and maybe not have had a shower that day and DH still would be all over me.

It's not normal for him to be so disengaged, not want sex and allow rudeness from your children.