Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

@overgrowngrass

When my husband and I got married, lots of our friends said they would prefer to come without the children. And it was only really close family who did bring the children (although all were invited).

Certain parents won't like the idea of their children not being there, others will relish in it. It's a very personal choice and you won't be able to please everyone.

We initially planned to have an elopement wedding with just our parents, but I knew I'd also want my sisters there and it spiralled into a 250 guest list. In hindsight, I wish we'd just gone with our original plan.

Do what you and your husband want, it's your special day. The people that matter most will understand :)

Don't stress yourself over it, have a fab time whatever you decide.

What about a small childfree daytime with your closest friends and family - say 40 of you, max, childfree.

Then, evening time, open it up to kids, wider family, work friends etc and have a party?

Also, from a recent bride, really think hard about your compromises. Weekday weddings are usually really rubbish, people who've had one will argue otherwise, but they're crap. Lots of guests leave earlier than they would at the weekend because they don't want to take two days leave. It's just a different vibe on a Wednesday.

This, from the rooftops.

I’ve been to multiple midweek weddings, ranging in budget from cheap and cheerful, to 150+ guests, full white wedding.

They’ve all finished early, with people tailing off from immediately after the meal. Much more sedate, not the same atmosphere of everyone letting their hair down as plenty of guests will be working the next day. And those who did take the 2 days off moaned about losing the annual leave for a wedding on a random Thursday.

I'm impressed that you are inviting 15 friends each and 30 family members each!!! I honestly don't know anywhere near that amount of people!

DH and I eloped and got married in Vegas...I highly recommend 🤪

I would change tack if I were you and choose a completely different venue so that you can include everyone you want to or slim it down massively and keep it low key - thinking registrar office and then hire a room in a pub or something - buffet and drinks.
I have had two weddings - first cost a fortune and went too quickly and was a waste of money (forget that I married the wrong man obvs!); second one was much quieter and way more enjoyable.
Think what you could do just with the venue cost of £5K+!

We are getting married in September and decided to do it on a Saturday and have children there.

It is more expensive, but we've factored that into our budget. Surprisingly a large number of friends don't actually want to bring their children 🤣

I’ve only ever been to one weekday wedding and I’d say 30% guests left after eating saying they had work the next day…another 30% left after first dance and the majority of remaining guests trickled out between 8-9pm. The wedding finished at 11 so between 9-11 there was about 20 people there, empty dance floor etc and I was quite embarrassed for them. Don’t do it.

Option 3 - much smaller wedding that is in your budget (and at a weekend)

Yeah but if they prefer not to bring their children the they still have that option don't they?

My sister invited all her friends' children to her wedding but all but one left them at home.

In my case, it's not that I'd desperately want to but that she is too young to do an overnight with anyone else at the moment and isn't a great sleeper so wouldn't be fair to leave her for someone else to handle.

If it was a weekday wedding, I wouldn't attend, my annual leave is precious and I wouldn't choose to use 2 days for someone else's wedding, I didn't use any for my own. My DH wouldn't be able to attend unless he used a week of annual leave as he is unable to book off single days.
Although it would be saving you money, that saving is being passed onto your guests in the form of the value of their leave, based on a couple, both earning minimum wage, working 7.5 hours per day, that would cost them over £300 for 2 days, if you multiply that by the number of guests who would need time off work, I'm sure that would far outweigh any savings you make.
I personally wouldn't be comfortable asking that of my nearest and dearest

The last weekday wedding I went to everyone had cleared off by 10pm as they had work the next day. Weekend, no kids.

Mmm it is a dilemma.

Is there another option which is cut down on number of friends and have a weekend wedding with some DCs there, but encourage those who have alternatives not to bring them.

I know we invited some work friends to the wedding and we have scarcely seen them since, so is there any paring back you can do on the invite list?

I think with the weekday option being a Wednesday you have to go for a weekend. It's just an odd day for a wedding and requires everyone to either not drink in the evening or take at least two days off work.

Is a compromise to invite family children but not friends' children? My DSis invited her and DF's nieces and nephews but no other children.

I always think the whole point of a wedding is joining two families together, so children should be there, it is also family who will find their babysitting options are limited.

Friends often appreciate the chance for child free time.

If your BF has 4 DC why don't you ask her what she thinks. She probably has a much better idea than us how each option would work with your set of friends.

It is a pretty large wedding.
If you cut down at least a third it would definitely make things easier.
If you want that many people maybe look at more mundane wedding venues, or a church/registry office then hotel/barn/marquee/village hall.

It doesn’t sound a lot of people to me but… every weekday wedding I have been to has had a maximum of around 30 people at it. People just don’t come or go home early and then the buffet is wasted.

Nope, she's being rigid and unimaginative, prioritising her idea of a wedding or the convenience of a glossy package over her guests' convenience. That's fine, it's her wedding, but she should own her decision.

If she wanted to do it within a more realistic budget and invite everyone, there are plenty of ways to do. They probably don't involve glossy brochures and Instagram worthy venues though.

If a lot of people you know have kids it seems to be a lot to ask to not have them... can you look at alternative venues? They seem like big things to have to compromise on tbh.

Well 110 guest is huge! Shrink your list to about 50-60 and you will a) be able to afford it b) actually be able to talk to guests for more than 1 min. You won’t have time to chat with 110+ guests in one afternoon so what’s the point.

I was very thankful that all the weddings I was invited to were weekend and child free. Weekday is a real pain I really don’t want to be using a day of leave for some else’s wedding no matter how much I like them. Totally agree Wednesday is awful as that likely means two days off if people have to travel.