Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

But then again not everyone works Mon to Fri. Obviously it seems you think it's OK for those who work weekends to have to take time off

I wouldn't attend a wedding without my child as I feel that they are family events. I'd prefer a weekday in the holidays. I think 15 friends each is quite a big wedding though (as well as family), could you have a look at numbers and perhaps cut down on a few each?

Just bear in mind that school holidays can vary across the country; England, Wales and Scotland often have different holidays but even neighbouring local authorities can have different holidays. I’m a teacher and just at the end of half-term, the schools in the surrounding local authorities had their half-term the week previously and several of my colleagues had their kids off the week before we were off. Just something to consider when planning a weekday wedding, make sure you do some research around the different areas your guests are travelling from and check whether it will actually be school holidays in that area.

You can't please everyone, just chose whatever feels right for you I know it's easier said than done but it's your day and those who love you will be there.
Bias because mine was a week day, with kids, in term time. Most kids were younger, there was 9 kids and only 2 had to miss school, The rest nursery.
We only had 70 day guests though.
2 teachers from different schools who both thankfully have head teachers who will allow leave with good amount of notice.
Travel for dh half of the family all from same county so all between 60-80 mile and some 1 some 2 night stay.
Others we knew couldn't do the day we gave an evening invitation including kids had 120ish for the night even on a Thursday term time.
But it was a city centre wedding so easy to get to and from.

Just don't worry about other people it's your day and it's so hard not to at first but once you get that mind set it will just click.

Enjoy your planning xx

You really don't need to feed guests twice, get married at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. As a guest, that would be a much better option than Wednesday in a working week or finding childcare.

All in wedding venues are an absolute rip off and all the same. It would be much cheaper to split it out. An afternoon ceremony in a registered building. Out LA has some lovely venues, including a castle. Then private dining at a restaurant.

I've recently booked private dining with a nice chain restaurant from £27 pp for 3 courses, tge room available from 9am to 1am, able to bring your own music, you just have to hit the minimum spend.

I travelled 200 miles to a Thursday childfree wedding of my nephew. Childcare was really hard to sort out plus we had to take two days off work. It was an exceptional venue, really expensive but big discount for a Thursday. I think it was still 5k to hire and this was about 14 years ago. The marriage lasted about 5 years then she had an affair!

It really is the marriage not the wedding.

I am happy with childfree as I am not taking annual leave to attend a wedding

I think child free can be tricky and a bit polarising. Weddings are a family event, and it's nice to include everyone, however, charging £40 per head is a lot. We never had childcare available, not everyone does, so you have to consider that. On balance go for the weekend, but consider pps advice about maybe a different/ cheaper location, unless you've set your heart on it.

This. Just be sensible, it's fine to have a small wedding. One that you can afford will be more enjoyable.

I’m happy to take my kids with us to weddings, they’re nice people and good company. However, they eat adult sized meals and take up an adult size guest space at a wedding so I completely understand when they’re not invited as we take up half a table of 10.

We’ve had great fun at weddings without them too. It’s way more expensive when they’re invited as that’s 3 extra outfits to buy, at least 1 extra hotel room so doubles our accommodation costs.

Midweek is a pig. Friday not so much but any other day you start having to book off at least 2 days of annual leave. If you’ve already got a fortnight booked off in the school summer holidays, requesting 2 more days in another week can get trickier depending on the size of your team at work.

But: it’s your day, it’s your choice and you need to just make sure that the most important people are there. Everyone else is a bonus.

If it is no kids, we had a lovely handwritten note from my cousin with her invitation saying “we’re so sorry that we’ve not been able to invite all the children but we’re limited by numbers and budget. We hope you understand but if it’s a problem, please get in touch (phone number)”.

Not everyone is in the same situation with childcare. This cousin had to come on her own to our other cousin’s wedding as she’d not allow her little one and partner to stay at the same hotel but not come to the wedding. Really sad. They weren’t allowed (and didn’t want) to leave him overnight with anyone as they were going through the adoption process. They just needed a bit of flexibility. It sounds like you’re a lovely empathetic person from your post anyway.

If people are arses about it either way, that’s on them.

I would choose a cheaper venue as I would much rather have people I wanted to be there, there.

But as that's not an option probably the weekend ....

What’s the point in this? To cut out adults she knows well to be able to invite peoples children? She can afford a wedding for 110 people just not all their children

The other alternative is that you don't need to have a big fancy wedding with wedding breakfast. I got married for £8k including dress, suits, food, venue decor etc. we had the ceremony in one venue with 80 guests, went to some nearby gardens for photos then hired a social club that provided decor, BBQ food for lunch and buffet for evening and cheap drinks for the guests. Wouldn't have done it any other way!
There's so much pressure these days to have a big fancy wedding but to start off a marriage in debt just seems crazy to me!
I also know people that have hired out pubs with large outdoor space and had gazebo with DJ, bouncy castle, hog roast and they've been able to do it a lot cheaper than if it was in a big manor etc.

But if you're set on the big wedding that charges more for weekends I would go with a weekday wedding (would opt for a Friday so that guests only need to take 1 days AL if staying over). In terms of children, leave it up to the parents. Some people prefer to have a child free day at a wedding so that they can enjoy it without having to keep an eye on their bubs! If it's all too expensive consider cutting down day guests to close friends and family and just have friends in the evening.

Congratulations and hope it goes well - don't stress, whatever you decide will be right for you. Don't listen to the ones that moan about your decision. It is after all your decision, your money and your day!

It’s a given where I live that children aren’t invited unless close family to bride and groom. Children would make up more than half of my numbers if I had to invite them all, definitely have the weekend date and don’t listen to people calling you selfish

Childcare in the summer holidays means most houses run with military precision - a weekday wedding with children would be a faff as would mean paying for a day in childcare that wouldn't be used (most places won't let you pick and choose) and then annual leave for the non teachers.
Go for a weekend

Child free wedding all the way, for me! People who actually want to attend will find a way to attend regardless.

Lots of factors to consider. How many people will have to travel and how far? I've been invited to a childfree one in Portsmouth this year...I live in NE Scotland so I'm looking at least 3 days away. Outside childcare for that length of time is an impossibility.

If you invite children, everyone who doesn't want to bring their kids still has that as an option.

So most people you know work Monday to Friday and yet you are thinking of a weekday wedding. 🤷‍♀️ I agree with the posters that have said you need to plan a wedding within your means and not put that expense onto other people - as in expect people to use their precious annual leave in order for you to save a few quid.

If you have a midweek wedding as others have said you need to be prepared for it not to have the stereotypical big party reception. In my experience midweek works best for casual/informal weddings (smaller service then nice lunch somewhere - been to some lovely weddings like that), the ‘big’ midweek weddings I’ve been to have always fallen flat as people trickle off to be up for work in the morning soon into the evening do, higher proportion of guests driving etc. I’ve known some annoyed bride and grooms in my time because of this but I’m really not sure what they expected.

My circle has a lot of doctors, nurses etc which means a weekend is no guarantee that people won’t be working. Even still the midweek weddings in this group haven’t quite worked unless it’s been a more relaxed/less partying style.

It sounds like the venue isn’t working for you in terms of costs, capacity or times - does it have to be this one?

No way would I attend a wednesday wedding, I'd likely need two days off. Annual leave is precious

I think this is spot on really. There's loads of different factors at play.

We have a relative who is having a weekday, term-time wedding this year. The kids are invited but one is school age. Which is a bit of a headache.

@Brainded is right. My wedding is on Good Friday so a bank holiday, which you would think everyone has off. Apparently one of our friend’s company doesn’t have Good Friday (they have the Tuesday after Easter off instead) so he has to take leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you were looking at a Friday wedding I'd say go for it. Most local people would only need one day of leave. Wednesday seems like a rubbish day for a wedding.

I'd compromise somewhere else and for the amount of children you'd need to invite I'd go for no kids. Maybe an exception for young babies.

Obviously not everyone will agree but FWIW I would prefer weekend and child free.

I'd never expect my child to be invited to a friend's wedding anyway, though.