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Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
PonceTastical · 23/02/2024 16:34

I think the opposite, I'd be firmly staying on the chat. Perhaps the ex and the OW should leave...
Or perhaps your post would be the final one that fittingly kills the group because it can never be again in its current membership.

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/02/2024 16:23

Stupidliefromfriend · 23/02/2024 16:20

Ok I think one thing is very important here - you need to leave the chat when you do it.

Otherwise you just look pathetic and like you're waiting for a reaction. Everybody will feel uncomfortable and there will be a mass exodus.

But I would definitely definitely do it.

Everybody will feel uncomfortable

That's the point!

Allfur · 23/02/2024 16:23

Feel uncomfortable? Mass exodus? Speak for yourself

Stupidliefromfriend · 23/02/2024 16:20

Ok I think one thing is very important here - you need to leave the chat when you do it.

Otherwise you just look pathetic and like you're waiting for a reaction. Everybody will feel uncomfortable and there will be a mass exodus.

But I would definitely definitely do it.

User1789 · 23/02/2024 14:47

DonnaDonna0 · 23/02/2024 13:54

I suspect a lot of the posters saying it’s ok because you weren’t married are the ones that have only read the OP’s first post and don’t realise they had been together years and had a planned pregnancy.
Thats why most don’t reply, they know they look daft.

Actually I think you will find there is a certain type of poster here who holds the bonds of the marital relationship as deeply distinct to those of other relationships.

Particuarly on the love/limerance threads, there is a view that you can't love somebody unless you have been in a long-term, cohabiting, ideally marital relationship with somebody.

You also get it from women who's husbands have strayed. It is a real sticking point for some that their husband chose to have sex with an unmarried woman, when that woman couldn't possibly hold a light to the wife, due to her single status. While I get these women are hurt the internalised misogyny is eye-bleeding.

But yes, the flip side of this logic suggests they would be happy to give a groom-to-be a blowie in the car on the way to the church/register office to marry his pregnant fiancee, as apparently, that wouldn't count?

DonnaDonna0 · 23/02/2024 13:54

I suspect a lot of the posters saying it’s ok because you weren’t married are the ones that have only read the OP’s first post and don’t realise they had been together years and had a planned pregnancy.
Thats why most don’t reply, they know they look daft.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 23/02/2024 12:40

sadtimessally · 22/02/2024 21:02

Honestly the amount of women on here who think it's accept for a man to drop his dick into someone because "he isn't married" is crazy.

They're either some women definitely shagging men in LT relationships and justifying it - or they're wet doormats.

OP - do one better - tag her and him on Facebook/Instagram too.

Edited

Came here to post something similar.

I say @TruthorDie go for it. Go scorched earth. We're getting a divorce because he couldn't help sleeping with someone on this very chat - sayonara bitches.

Isthisreasonable · 23/02/2024 12:38

DevotedSisterBelovedCunt · 22/02/2024 20:43

If you're happy to do it then do it, I'm with the posters who say fuck dignified silence.

On a practical level though, one thing to be prepared for (haven't RTFT so not sure if mentioned) is what if she replies?

Say you do the short and factual message, and she fires back with a dozen long drama-filled paragraphs about how your relationship was already in trouble, you weren't sleeping together, you were abusive, you trapped him into marriage and kids... would you then ignore? Or try to counter each point and get dragged into ongoing discussions with more and more outrageous accusations? It's worth thinking through what you'd do before you send the first message.

As long as the WA message was straightforward and factual, no need to respond as the desperate attempt to justify her behaviour says much more about her than the OP.

Allfur · 23/02/2024 12:35

Tontonmacoute, people were imprisoned, I'd say that's some kind of progress

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/02/2024 12:25

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

How?

thepastinsidethepresent · 23/02/2024 12:16

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

Used against her? How? She's the injured party.

TonTonMacoute · 23/02/2024 11:44

Allfur · 22/02/2024 17:47

Tontonmacoute, so the whole #metoo movement would never have happened

You think it’s worked, and that women's position is better and stronger?

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

A friend of mine announced she was leaving her cheating husband on her Christmas cards, which had the desired effect but couldn’t be shared and provoke a negative reaction in the same way.

Legendairy · 23/02/2024 11:38

PepperyTaste · 22/02/2024 20:07

There are so many unpleasant vengeful immature posts on here it’s shocking.😮

It would be completely ludicrous to do this on a WhatsApp thingie. It’s the sort of thing a teenager might do, but even most teenagers would have more sense.

You weren’t even married. It’s in the past. I know you might feel incredibly hurt but best to find a way to deal with it in other ways.

This makes no sense, so if you are engaged, live together etc is that not a commitment?

abouttogetlynched · 23/02/2024 11:32

So @TruthorDie , have you done it yet?

PersephonePomegranate23 · 23/02/2024 10:54

Did OP say anyone was speaking shit about her?

That's no what that poster said at all. She said people talking about being the bigger person is shit. Read it again.

Britpop123 · 23/02/2024 10:32

And those who are blatantly only here for the entertainment and demanding that op send the message then presumably give a blow by blow account of the reaction can back off

she doesn’t owe you entertainment

Ivyy · 23/02/2024 10:15

Are you going to do it op? I hope so, I would. Please update us if / when you do!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/02/2024 10:09

@lljkk I didn’t say OP said anyone was talking shit about her. I said that I’m sick of other people saying that the op should be the bigger person. Why? Why should she not say anything? It’s shit advice.

I'm also not suggesting that the op talks shit about her h and the ow. Stating facts is not talking shit but saying nothing helps to protect them and say that what they’ve done is ok.

And of course she cares about h and ow and what’s happened. What stupid and dense thing to say.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 23/02/2024 10:09

lljkk · 23/02/2024 09:46

I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again.

Did OP say anyone was speaking shit about her?

I imagine PP is arguing that OP should speak shit about him first, then she got the first blow in? As uninvolved bystander, the situation would make me want to be even less involved (with both). But OP doesn't care about these relationships so I don't know why she's even in this WA group.

That quote says nothing about speaking shit about OP or anyone. It means the PP is sick of this “be a bigger person shit” that people are talking about on this thread.

it’s just saying, why not just tell the friends group the real reason they are breaking up? What will “being a bigger person” and staying quiet achieve, vs. just telling the truth and leaving the group. It’s not talking shit about him, it’s just factually saying why they are breaking up.

She is on the WhatsApp group as they are all “friends” (but mainly on his side) She has already said she doesn’t care about staying in touch and is going to leave the group. As to why she is still in it, she’s only just found out for gods sake, give her a chance 😂

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/02/2024 10:06

Rubyupbeat · 23/02/2024 10:00

@Startingagainandagain
Why leave the woman out of it? Shes just as guilty. They are both as disgusting to do that.

If she's just as guilty, then him marrying the OP and having a child with her didn't create any greater obligation to her than he would have had if he had been just a social acquaintance or friends (it doesn't sound like she and OP ever were friends).

But I know I can't convince people here of the truth of that.

DonnaDonna0 · 23/02/2024 10:06

You can guarantee if you don’t “speak your truth” he and other women will come along with theirs. I would want to make my position very clear before the muck starts being thrown.
Please if your going to comment at least read all OP’s comments. It’s easy in the first comment bottom right “see all” because you just waste our time and make yourself look daft.

Rubyupbeat · 23/02/2024 10:00

@Startingagainandagain
Why leave the woman out of it? Shes just as guilty. They are both as disgusting to do that.

TitaniasAss · 23/02/2024 09:49

I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again. It’s bollocks.

Oh me too. I've always been a 'take the high ground' person because I hate drama and have always felt that if I know the truth then that's what matters. But after experiencing a, frankly horrendous, friendship situation when this person lied and lied about me to just about anyone with ears, it dawned on me that it's not right to just lay down and take that shit. I didn't want to be portrayed as bitchy, so I didn't say anything about what she was spreading about me and the supposed things I'd said and done (none of them true). I can't do anything about that now as it was a few years ago, but I won't keep my mouth shut again.

lljkk · 23/02/2024 09:47

Actually that's wrong, isn't it? OP cares about him & OW. She wouldn't bother if she didn't.

lljkk · 23/02/2024 09:46

I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again.

Did OP say anyone was speaking shit about her?

I imagine PP is arguing that OP should speak shit about him first, then she got the first blow in? As uninvolved bystander, the situation would make me want to be even less involved (with both). But OP doesn't care about these relationships so I don't know why she's even in this WA group.