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Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
Tatonka · 22/02/2024 09:04

I don't see the point of doing it now

makeupme · 22/02/2024 09:04

Why on earth would they side with a woman and man who cheated on OP and she caused a scene at their wedding? Of course they aren't.

WhamBamThankU · 22/02/2024 09:04

I'd have to say something but I know others will say it's not dignified or classy.

GoldDuster · 22/02/2024 09:03

They already know.

I can see why you would be tempted, that's a shit situation to be in, I'm sorry. If you do that you probably will lose your friendship group as well, as they'll all feel completely awkward. It depends whether you want to try to maintain any of these friendships post divorce, or if you're done with the lot of them.

Think about what your goal is out of this, if it's to go scorched earth then go for it. Nobody could blame you, although a dignified silence and revenge served cold is never a bad choice.

makeupme · 22/02/2024 09:02

So sorry OP, what a bellend. I really can't understand why men do this. Perfectly good set-up and they have to have something "extra". It's so greedy and thoughtless.

I don't hold much store by being demure and not saying your piece. I don't judge how people react when they are hurting or in pain, emotionally or physically. I mean obviously don't go about breaking their stuff or being violent, but protecting him and her by not telling the group and nipping rumours and his spin in the bud isn't going to make you look like some kind of monster.

Ariona · 22/02/2024 09:02

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 22/02/2024 09:00

My worry is some friends will side with the woman who cheated and you will feel extremely hurt.

Exactly! This is the last thing you need when you are going through something like this.

Ariona · 22/02/2024 09:02

What a shit bag op. I'm sorry he did that to you and your dc. But please don't do that. Weirdly enough when these things happen you find people take different approaches which could upset you more. More often that not, people just don't want to get involved. Something similar happened in our group a very long time ago. She emailed all of us with details about their marriage breakdown and his affair. It was a shock as he wasn't the type to have done this. Anyway, as he was a longtime friend of most of the males in the group they sought to 'understand' and move on, most of the females followed their partners and then some of us just remained friends with her only. I can tell you, that getting people involved caused her much more issues than she needed at that time. I was firmly on her side even though I knew him longer. I would just take some time away from this and speak to a close friend instead.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/02/2024 09:01

How did you find out, was it just a one off or were they having an affair?

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 22/02/2024 09:00

My worry is some friends will side with the woman who cheated and you will feel extremely hurt.

Anameisaname · 22/02/2024 09:00

It depends on what you want to achieve? If you want to divorce and never see either of them again, it could be quite a satisfying thing to do.
If you want to get your husband to deal with this and work on marriage. It's definitely a bad idea.
It will make the others in the WhatsApp group feel awkward (not just the protagonists) but you may not be worried about that. Up to you

Soonenough · 22/02/2024 08:59

I would. Just the cold hard facts .Anyone who knew and didn't tell you should be ashamed of themselves. HOWEVER if there is any possibility of you reconciling don't. And just choose a moment when you are calm.

Untilitisnt · 22/02/2024 08:57

Fimofriend · 22/02/2024 08:51

@Untilitisnt She found out after the wedding that he cheated just before the wedding.

OH!
I apologise @TruthorDie
Eyes are knackered!

Startingagainandagain · 22/02/2024 08:57

I would do it if this was still going up after you got married.

It seems like it isn't so leave the woman out of it.

Frankly your partner is a complete waste of space and I think you should focus on making your plans to leave him and get on with your life.

MyopicBunny · 22/02/2024 08:57

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:55

Sorry didn’t mention l didn’t find out until after we were married. I would not have married him if l had known

In that case I would do it - tell them and then leave the WhatsApp group

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:57

unloquacious · 22/02/2024 08:49

Did you only just get married?

Got married last year

OP posts:
JamesPringle · 22/02/2024 08:56

I don't know about all this dignity business really. Why is it dignified to not address directly the people that caused you harm? Why does dignity so often mean the silence of women?

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:55

Sorry didn’t mention l didn’t find out until after we were married. I would not have married him if l had known

OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 22/02/2024 08:55

Why would she regret it? OP has done nothing wrong?

I think 'walking away with dignity' is sometimes overrated. And anyway, why is it undignified to say the truth?

They are the ones who've behaved appallingly.

Just phrase it carefully op and take your time over it.

And I'm sorry. Sounds horrible.

Saymyname28 · 22/02/2024 08:55

They probably all know. Gossip like that spreads around a friend group. Shame them, what have you got to lose. People get to behave like that because the rest of us are too ashamed to expose them, why should you protect them from their actions.

traytablestowed · 22/02/2024 08:54

I'm so sorry this happened to you, your husband is an arsehole along with the CF woman who attended your wedding. You owe them nothing! But for your own sake, I have to say that announcing over WhatsApp does not sound like a good idea.

DorothyZ · 22/02/2024 08:54

You won't gain anything from doing that. Get your proverbials in a row

Fimofriend · 22/02/2024 08:53

Yes, name her. Don't let them make up a story and do warn others about what they are really like. Don't write an essay.
Just "FYI: DH and I are splitting up because he cheated on me with ( her name)"

morethanspice · 22/02/2024 08:52

I think you will come to regret that, please don’t

Lifestooshort71 · 22/02/2024 08:51

No, not at all dignified

Fimofriend · 22/02/2024 08:51

@Untilitisnt She found out after the wedding that he cheated just before the wedding.