Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

Yup.

Honestly, I'd be seriously pissed off if I was in a WhatsApp group and someone used it as a public shaming tool. It would put me in a shitty and anxiety-provoking situation that I shouldn't be put in.

I hate social media in general and this is one of the reasons why, people using it to involve people in their private dramas that the other people haven't consented to be dragged into and don't want to be part of.

If we went back to before social media and the OP was asking "my DH cheated on me, shall I call most of the people we both know to tell them?" it would seem deranged and very unhealthy for the betrayed partner to engage in such an exercise.

But because it's just a few sentences and press send, it's seen differently and it shouldn't be.

I really do hate what SM has done to us as individuals and as a society and how it's warped our ideas of communication and privacy.

I say name her. You haven't done anything wrong and the buck stops with them. I don't think you'd regret outing them as it'd surely come out eventually anyway (you telll one friend and it get's mentioned to another etc.) but at least this way you have control over the situation and no one is going to embellish the facts.

"As our closet friends, I wanted you all to know that DH and I will be divorcing. I was unaware that he had an elicit affair with [affair partner] before we got married and unfortunately I can no longer trust him. Please don't feel the need to take sides but I hope you can all understand why I'll be distancing myself from social gatherings where either DH or [affair partner] will be."

Fuck dignity. They're the ones with no dignity. They all watched op get married pregnant with her fiancés affair partner in the room. I wouldn't want them as friends anyway. Tell them all you know op.

Hold your head high and walk away. To splash it over WhatsApp is creating drama and gossip fodder for people and they’ll love it.

Keep your dignity OP and keep them guessing.

There is nothing to be achieved by this other than to get on with your life and be happy without him.

this!

So was this a prolonged affair or just a short one?!?

If it was serious between them he wouldn't have married you, so surely the affair can't have been that serious?! As she came to the wedding it can't be particularly awkward between them.

My all means announce it in the WhatsApp group, but expect people to take sides. As above, some will deem he made a mistake and forgot about it and think you're over-reacting and take his side, so don't be surprised by this.

Because people are less likely to trust you when you air your dirty laundry in public.

You've got children OP. Don't do it.

If you want to tell people about what the pair of them did then do it face to face. But don't get involved in vomiting stuff out all over social media.

Also - think about the impact this will have on your relationship with XH going forward wrt organising contact with the DC. It's all about them now. If you're reasonably amicable with H now it's best for the DC and your own mental health not to cause a shit storm just for some kind of short term kick out of it.

He behaved like a wanker. Don't join in.

This

You’d be surprised

You'll be putting everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if you want to destroy the group & you personally lose all those relationships, crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. This move certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

They both put everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if they wanted to destroy the group & cause you and them to personally lose all those relationships, let them crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. His infidelity certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

There fixed it for you.

You'll just feed the narrative that you're unhinged.

I agree with this. I'm sorry this has happened to you, op. If you want friends to know what happened, meet up with each of them 1-1 to chat about it. You'll get the bonus of having some nice sympathetic chats

If you’ve got children or are having a child with this man, remember this woman could very well be your kids new stepmother going forward. I’d be careful about any nastiness and try to retain some dignity.

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle. Why do you need to announce on WhatsApp that you're splitting up? Just leave the group and make a new one with people who are your friends.

You'll be putting everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if you want to destroy the group & you personally lose all those relationships, crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. This move certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

Some would say that Revenge is a Dish Best Served cold, though.

I would. Why is it "dignified" to shut up

I would not have married him if l had known

This is key. He took away your choice for your future by not telling you. To save his own backside. What a piece of shit.

I would absolutely announce it in the whatsapp group.
Sometimes just quietly walking away doesn't get your point across.
I'd cause a right stink and drop the 2 of them in it head first.
And if everyone else already knew, then they are not your friends.

So sorry this happened OP.

I would just leave the group, create new group with everyone from the original except them two and tell them discreetly. Or individually.

have you left him?

Are you 100% leaving him?

If there is any doubt in your head then don't do it.

If 100% then I'd absolutely do it.

This.

the ones who are friends will be upset to find out that way, you are just providing gossip for the others.

Don’t do it. It feel like it will feel good but it doesn’t.

Don’t. Just leave him and the group. Those who care about you will seek you out.

I would get my ducks in a row and then a simple x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y. I just wanted you all to know the real reason from the horses mouth to avoid any rumours.
Then leave.
Job done.
Not a lot he can say to make himself look good in this situation

Alienating the group seems to be the only downside mentioned specifically.

In the same position I don’t think I could remain friends with the people who knew about it and colluded with the deception and as PPs have said, they probably all knew if only via the grapevine.

That friendship group is tainted so he ruined their relationship and a chunk of her social life.

I would message, beginning “as you may know…”

Any of the group who want to stick by her won’t be deterred by her honestly acknowledging what has happened. They’re going to find out they’ve split up at some point, why shouldn’t that be how and when she decides.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was having an affair with a friend's husband.