Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

I wouldn't. You'll probably feel embarrassed that you did this in the future and I'll be awkward AF for everyone else and you'll be the gossip for ages.

How did you manage to find out?
Were they seeing each other or was it a one off?
Not that it makes any difference, I’d definitely leave him, not sure about announcing it in the group though, does anyone else know about it?

Real friends would be showing up to her door with a bottle of wine and 2 shovels asking where she wanted to bury the bodies, not feeling awkward that she's exposed the cheating rats. She needs real friends around her right now, not fake ones.

My first thought was don't do it, but actually fuck it, go for it. I wish I'd been able to do this to my ex but by the time our clusterfuck of a marriage finally ended I was too broken to do anything but crawl away.

Anyone who cuts her out after this was never a real friend anyway.

Don't do it. You'd just be involving others in the drama and encouraging gossip about your marriage ending. Concentrate on getting your life together and moving on .

You’re not too bothered about the people on the group, you don’t want him, so why not? I’d have respect if someone did that on a group I’m on, I’d think good on you for calling a spade and spade and not protecting him

Yup, do it. Its not dignified - but it's your soon to be ex and friend that the shame is with, not you. By just a sentence, saying "sadly I have to announce that X and I are breaking up because he had an affair with Y whilst I was pregnant" you are controlling any inevitable gossip and "oh but we waited until we broke up" gaslighting.

This is another good reason to do it. Even if they already knew they might feel like they have to tread on eggshells around OP in case she doesn't know. This way, they'll know she now knows.

I would absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, 100% wholeheartedly announce it to the group chat.

'Rising above' other people's shitty behaviour is so overrated.

Agree.

The term 'taking the high ground' also seems to be used to mean 'go away quietly and don't cause a fuss'.

Depends, some in the WhatsApp group may look at her in a different light I.e can’t trust her round my OH etc.

You then also run the risk that people would rather not speak with you to remain loyal to their other friends.

If I were me, I’d absolutely put it in the group chat though. For none other than to shame the pair of them.

As someone who has tried to be the bigger person for years (different situation, not cheating) I'd say go for it. It will not achieve much but if it makes you feel better, even for a split second, then do it. I'm sick of horrid people doing what they want without any consideration for others and nobody ever calling them out on their behaviour.

My DHs ex who is a piece of work had her personal life plastered all over social media last year after she was caught having an affair with a married man and had been sending photos of them having sex to the man's wife and family. She has caused us a lot of issues over the years and we've always tried to rise above it but I must admit I did enjoy that someone else was airing her dirty laundry in public.

Sorry this has happened to you.

Yes I would. As a pp said why is 'dignity' always about the woman keeping quiet? I would write something like

"Hi All. I will be leaving this group. Please message me directly if you would like to stay in touch.

You may already be aware that myself and husband are splitting up. I have just found out about the affair that he and X had and still processing the information."

I think you could presume that everyone had it more or less worked out when the OW was on the floor pissed out of her head at the wedding because she'd just watched her boyfriend get married to someone else, and if not then, word has got round since.

There is no name and shame, if the people in the WhatsApp group already know what is going on. The only purpose would to be to let them know that OP knows what's going on and they'll work that out when the divorce is underway.

That’s why I wrote “whether you end up splitting or not”. I also said the dh had behaved despicably. Or did you miss that bit?

I was trying to make the point that it’s better to pause and think before acting when you have a child together and you are going to have to communicate with the other parent however shittily they have behaved.

Why bother? What do you get out of it?

You are leaving him anyway. I suspect people know or have their suspicions.

I wouldn't give them the time of day. You know how it works, it will be a case of "look at her message, she's clearly unhinged".

I would take the more silent approach snd screw him into next week with the divorce settlement. To me, that's a bigger payback.

I am also a Scorched Earth advocate and would be quite happy to take the nuclear option here.

Fuck the lot of them.

Do his family know yet?

I would shout from the bloody rooftops OP,.
Name and shame all the way, you've lost the future you thought you had, thanks to two sly cunning snakes in the grass. Why make it easy and convenient for them?

When the shoe is on the other foot, men are capable of much worse, as we already know, yet women are just expected to carry on, business as always, towing the line, complying, obedient as always and keeping mouth shut.

If scorched earth is what you want, I guess you'll get it. If I were in that WhatsApp group, I'd be incredibly uncomfortable and probably try to stay out of it. If you came to me individually as a friend for support, I'd react very differently, even if I knew you'd also gone to others for support.

I don't think it's about "dignity", just what's in your best interests and I'm not sure this would be.

Its almost impossible to prove two people are having a sexual relationship. So unless you have evidence in the form of messages between them that refer to having sex, she could just deny it. Maybe by accusing you or your husband of lying, because you're jealous, or he's obsessed with her for example; maybe by claiming to be no more than friends with him to explain why they were spotted together. If she does this, there is no guarantee your circle will believe you over her. It will largely boil down to who they prefer.
Even if you are believed, outside of MN, people tend to care a great deal less about other people's affairs than you'd think. If the woman is liked she's not going to suddenly be ostracised. The worst that tends to happen is a bit of eye rolling and quiet judgement, then people tend to get on with their own lives.

I'd do it. Let everyone know what cunts they both are.

Don't do it. I'm assuming you have a young baby. Focus on getting the best financial arrangements in place for you and your child, hold your head high and look forward, not back. You will feel much better in the long run, and people will admire you for it.

I mean it would be kind of satisfying but do you want to be a dinner party conversation piece for the next however long? “oh remember when Truth dropped that WA bomb”

Cause eventually it will be like that even if at the time people are a bit shocked.

Saying that ‘dignity’ is sometimes overrated - in that sometimes it just leads people to swallow their reactions while the people who did the shit things can just slope off without a ‘scene’.

This!