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Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
BarrelOfOtters · 22/02/2024 11:10

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:04

It’s not my job to keep his shitty actions from other people’s children or ours

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Yes I think it kind of is your job, you and your soon to be ex husband’s primary job to look after your kids and their relationships with other people.

I’ve seen the fall out of this kind of public outing of affairs on kids. It’s not pretty. Screenshots sent around schools….

Fargo79 · 22/02/2024 11:10

People want the perfect victim. In my experience, people are less interested in morals and values than they are in judging women's reactions. They only want to see dignified silence and "holding your head high". Invariably, showing your (completely justified) rage and speaking about the injustice of the situation is considered worse behaviour than shagging another woman/being the other woman.

I can totally understand the desire to say your bit, have the last word, expose the pair of them etc. But I think unfortunately this is not "perfect victim" behaviour and so what is likely to happen is that people will initially love the drama, some might privately reach out to express sympathy or try and get more gossip, but eventually at some point your "outburst" will be painted as proof of the narrative that you're crazy/argumentative/dramatic and that you are ultimately to blame. It is likely to feel fleetingly satisfying but probably cause you much longer term grief.

Lampslights · 22/02/2024 11:09

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:07

I was planning something short like this. Rather than calling her a skank and running her down -they know that already

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Then you have already seperated and agreed to divorce? Apologies your posts are not clear.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 11:09

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:04

It’s not my job to keep his shitty actions from other people’s children or ours

Show quote history

I'm thinking more of telling everyone via a scorched earth method rather than not at all; I expect they'll all find out one way or another anyway.

ETA: Sorry, I can see my original post was misleading. By "it", I meant the scorched earth method of telling. Basically it's designed to create drama and so people are likely to react differently to how they would if you told then individually and privately. I just wonder if that might affect things as your child gets older.

Lampslights · 22/02/2024 11:08

Are you considering splitting up? Personally if you announce he’s a cheat like that, then you stay I’d be a little cringe at you. Do it though if you are going to split up, but if you’re just pretending, then don’t.

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:07

HJ40 · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think given your update and that you don't care about seeing the vast majority of the group again, then I would absolutely do it.

But I would only keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then you retain some dignity. If you say anything else, it won't look good.

I was planning something short like this. Rather than calling her a skank and running her down -they know that already

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:06

NoraBattysCurlers · 22/02/2024 10:58

Announcing it on a Whatsapp group?

All as bad as each other will be the likely consensus.

I don’t think cheating on your fiancée, concealing it for a time, marrying your fiancé and inviting other woman to the wedding. Is as shitty as telling the truth. I don’t think this happened, l know it happened -he told me himself and l saw her at our wedding

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think I'd do it. But be prepared for them to either turn on you or not want to get involved. I'm sorry this happened to you btw.

And as pp said short and sweet is the way to go and leave the group. Don't let it get into a WA bitchfest.

HJ40 · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think given your update and that you don't care about seeing the vast majority of the group again, then I would absolutely do it.

But I would only keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then you retain some dignity. If you say anything else, it won't look good.

Cherry8809 · 22/02/2024 11:05

I’d do it.

Hopefully it’s cathartic for you, and also makes the friend group see them both for exactly what they are.

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:04

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 10:44

Would it affect your child in any way? Do the other people in the group have kids in the same circle who might learn about it as they get older or something?

It’s not my job to keep his shitty actions from other people’s children or ours

OP posts:
NoraBattysCurlers · 22/02/2024 10:58

Announcing it on a Whatsapp group?

All as bad as each other will be the likely consensus.

HemlockSoup · 22/02/2024 10:57

Nothing undignified about the truth.

StarDolphins · 22/02/2024 10:53

Dignity in this situation is overrated. In this situation I would put ‘since xxx & my Husband cheated on me, will be be divorcing’ and It would make me feel a whole lot better without an ounce of regret.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:50

Rosestulips · 22/02/2024 09:37

I would just leave the group, create new group with everyone from the original except them two and tell them discreetly. Or individually.

have you left him?

Why on earth would you go to all of those lengths to protect him and the woman he cheated on her with?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 22/02/2024 10:50

Not dignified but its what I would do tbh

thisoldcity · 22/02/2024 10:47

If you are just telling the truth in a straightforward way, I don't see anything undignified about it. If you want to do that, do it.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:46

Another reason why I would, is because when you split, he will have a chance to tell mutual friends whatever the fuck he likes! And a man like him won’t think twice about lying through his teeth. Again.

Universalsnail · 22/02/2024 10:44

Honestly I would be empathetic but would experience second hand embarrassment for my friend if they did this so publicly.

Trulyme · 22/02/2024 10:44

Why now?

When did you split up with him?

If you got married last year I’m wondering why you were still in a group chat with her and why you want it to come out now.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 10:44

Would it affect your child in any way? Do the other people in the group have kids in the same circle who might learn about it as they get older or something?

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:44

I would. Why should you protect her?

Slanketblanket · 22/02/2024 10:43

I don't think you should do it but if you do I want to see the screenshots. I realise this makes me an awful person but there you have it.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/02/2024 10:43

It's the kind of thing I would do 'in my head' but not follow through. Thing isOP if you split you will need and want your friends and some of the others in the group (like on this thread) will think 'good on her' others will think 'poor show' - and give you a swerve.

TheFrendo · 22/02/2024 10:43

I would do it, leaves no wriggle room.

Also ask 'Who knew?'