Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

Do it. Send the short message as previously suggested and then exit the chat. If people want care they will reach out.

I don't see people attacking you OP. I see people advising that you shouldn't do it. That doesn't mean they are attacking you. I don't think you should do it but it's absolutely your prerogative to do it if it's what you think is best for you.

I advised not to do it because I think your focus should be on you and your child. These people don't deserve a moment of headspace. But you do what makes you feel best.

You could really make her squirm by saying 'DH and I are divorcing due to his affair with a mutual friend'. Then you look like you are not naming names, but everyone who knows or has their suspicions will know it is her, and he and she will wonder when/whether you are going to name and shame. In addition, she may wonder if he also had an affair with another friend!

What a heinous pair of pricks.

I’d definitely do this: keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then leave the group and block the ones you don’t care about seeing again.

They didn't care when they cheated, you shouldn't care about the fall out.

I'd do whatever will make you feel better about the situation. Dignified doesn't have to mean silent. If it'll give you some satisfaction, then do it. If you think you'll cringe after a year has past, then don't.

I wouldn't put it in a text which can be forwarded to whoever, copied, examined, misconstrued etc but would speak to whomever I needed to from the group and let them know exactly what happened.

I would happily tell people why and who, if he didn't want it out there he shouldn't have done it.
But co parenting is your focus, will that be amicable if you do?

So when are you going to do it?

That's exactly what it is. Tell them all if that's what you want to do!

A lot of people have this idea of the wronged party being dignified like a fictional character. In real life saying nothing in a case like this means the 2 fuckers can swan off into the sunset with not a glance back. Make it messy for the 2 of them OP!

Why isn’t he remorseful, is it because you were not married yet?Would you stay if he was remorseful? How did you find out? Did he tell you?

Is talk of leaving him just bravado and anger? If so, do not blow up the group. Do not give the bitch the satisfaction of knowing you are upset. You have a child, you may opt to stay. Not saying you should stay but think about your next steps.

I personally think differently to other people. If I thought he wouldn’t do it again, I would be furious but consider the marriage void until I wished to resume it. So I would check out my dating options, maybe have an affair, see how he likes it. But I am spiteful and always have been, an eye for an eye.

curious though, was it an affair or a one off and at what point was it eg. When dating or when living together?

OP. I’ve always been the keep the moral
high ground type, but as I’ve got older, I’ve realised it does nothing but 1. allow people to continue shitty actions because they know that no one talks so their dirty little secrets stay hidden, and 2. staying silent keeps the pain within the person who has been wronged.

So as a few posters have said, I would most definitely put it on the group in a short and factual way and say that you’re not expecting a response to the message but that it’s out there so everyone is aware why you won’t be socialising with that pair within the group (or words to the same effect).

Good luck.

People are saying seek legal advice but honestly he’s not going to try to sue you for telling your friends about his affair is he. It’s not going to harm him professionally. Also it’s only slander if you’re making false statements.

Excellent advice.
Prepare first, shoot later.

Yes do it, and post any evidence

not that I necessarily disagree - but it just occurred to me that is Being Dignified a bit like Being Kind? that thing that we wimmin are all told to be all the time, never to ruffle feathers or raise our voices.

I think we need to give some serious thought to how being told to be dignified might actually be another way to keep women quiet and in their places

OP you’re going to do this, just make sure that you have everything lined up ready to get divorced before you kick this off. So things like copies of his pay slips, back accounts, anything that you might need as financial evidence - and keep it out of the house with a trusted friend, parent, in a bank box or storage locker etc - as once this all ones out you might find it difficult to get the info again!

THIS

Why has Mumsnet become so judgemental, rude and bitchy? People should be ashamed of the way that they respond to some posts from people who are clearly having a tough time of it. Invariably results in OP having to defend themselves from the masses for no reason.

So sorry OP, you must be heartbroken. Absolutely call them out if you think it will make you feel better. That's the No. 1 aim here.

I would do it in a heartbeat and I would detail all their shitty behaviour.

So sorry OP...

As a pp says, you can't unsend it once it is done. And anything you put online (even in a private WhatsApp group) can be screenshot and shared.
Would mention it when taking legal advice as I'm sure you'd be surprised how far a seemingly innocent post can travel, and how copies kept can be used against you. Be careful not to supply the ammunition if things get messy.

If you are divorcing perhaps a simple "I am in the process of divorcing DH. This is entirely due to his affair with OW. I will not be discussing it any further"

This is such a good idea.

I really despise people keeping a "dignified silence" but I am neurodivergent. Silence is compliance and allows arseholes to get away with terrible things.

The caveat is you have to expect to lose all the friends in this whattsapp group, but everyone else on here is right, others in that group will already know and have been happy to stay silent so they are not your friends anyway.

The thing is humans like comfort, and part of remaining comfortable, is being in homeostasis, on an even keel, or at peace. Whatever disturbs one's homeostasis, is likely to be the target of vitriol and attack, whether it is logically valid or not.

You didn't do anything wrong, but if you are the one that drops the bomb in the whattsapp group, you are the one disturbing other people's peace, so people will come for you, even though it's your husband that's the arsehole.