Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

do it then watch whatsapp blow up

I think it's more likely it'll go dead silent.

I wouldn't say this as there is no evidence of multiple affairs. I think it's important for OP to remain truthful so the STBXH can't accuse her of fabricating lies.

@TruthorDie hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!! I would go for it! none of the group appear to be your friend because surely they would have informed you? that sort always stick together and their loyalties are obviously to both him and her. it will be no loss to announce why you are separating and naming the woman. go for it, it will give you much satisfaction. do it then watch whatsapp blow up but do not make any comments whatsoever after that!

It wouldn’t drag anyone into anything, it’s just a factual update. Do you expect these people to never find out?! Eventually the friend group will all know anyway and decide how / who to continue friendships with.
It’s also not unreasonable for the OP to ask her friends to support her during this difficult time! Would you have her deal with it all alone?

Do it. You've done your time covering for his shitty behaviour, it's time for him to face the music.

Send the message by all means, but not until you've taken your half of any joint accounts, have all the papers you need etc (what MN calls 'ducks in a row'). If was scummy enough to shag somebody else before your wedding, who knows how low he might go during divorce proceedings.

You are breaking up with him so you have the opportunity for rumours to spread which might be incorrect or explain why now. I’d do the latter but in a factual way and I wouldn’t enter into a further conversation about it.

The fact that he invited her to the wedding, and she went, means I wouldn't care about 'causing drama'. They're scum. Both of them.

Well that's a separate point! You and others were saying that going on to the group, saying "Dave and I are divorcing because he's having an affair with Helen" and then leaving the group wouldn't be an attempt to cause drama and wouldn't come across as an attempt to cause drama. It quite plainly would be, on both counts!

OP says she wants scorched earth so that might well be fine with her - but let's be honest about it!

It’s like taking an advert out in the paper.

It's one thing having an affair. It's another thing having an affair, getting married and inviting your affair partner. I'd out him to everyone for the scum he is. I'd be controlling the narrative.

Do what makes you feel best. A brief factual message saying what they did sounds fine to me then hard for those involved to reinvent history to put themselves in a better light.
Up to others in the group how they react.

@NonPlayerCharacter but who cares if it is drama? Her DH and that ‘friend’ should’ve kept it in their pants! I don’t think people who learn they’ve been cheated on by their DH and a person they consider as a ‘friend’ act very rationally. And who would blame them!

How on earth is dropping explosive revelations to a group about three of its members and then leaving the room not going to come across as wanting to cause drama? Do people actually believe that?

I'd do it.

@RatherBeRiding i like that suggestion! Put it out there in the group and then leave the group. That way it doesn’t come across as you wanting to cause drama but as you simply stating facts/explaining why you’re leaving the group. People who will want to reach out to you afterwards will.

You wouldn't be making a drama of it

Well she would; that's literally why she wants to do it. There are various times, places and ways to state facts; it's a bit disingenuous to claim this one isn't designed to be dramatic. OP even said she wanted scorched earth.

Honestly, I really wouldn't. Leave it to WA and not do the whole SM thing. It won't look good and will just cause more drama there. And I'm the type that when crossed goes in all guns blazing.

I'd do it. If you are genuinely not bothered about remaining friendly with the rest of the group then go for it. You can make a short announcement and withdraw from the group. You wouldn't be making a drama of it - just being truthful and stating a fact. You are your H are splitting up because......

Yes you have to co-parent with this man, but his behaviour is on him

Well it sounds like they're not exactly going to be best pals are they? But they can co-parent in a civil manner. Let's hope he agrees to any terms in the divorce contact order any co-parenting, relating to the contact with his DC and doesn't dick about and cause upset and stress to OP over contact. If there's fall out from this WA message he may well be a twat.

@TruthorDie I'd put it on Facebook as well.

The other woman slept with a man planning to get married - that's unforgivable

I would! Sorry you're going through this OP

I'd do it. I don't think you have anything to lose. Ultimately, the truth is the truth.

Gremlins, you sound rather lacking in empathy, humans are messy, sometimes shit happens