Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

I'm in the name and shame camp. So sorry this happened to you. You deserve better.

I would do it.

I think dignity comes in with HOW you do it.

The main reason that I would do it is to make sure my voice is heard. I have no control over what he says to other people, what story he is spinning. So I want the facts out there in some way,

But it has to be simple, dignified and factual.

Hi all, just to let you know that x and I are getting divorced.
This is because he cheated with y when we were engaged.

I am leaving this group, but if you would like to stay in touch, please send me a message.

Honestly? Fuck him and fuck her.

If you want to share on the WhatsApp - go ahead and share. Keep your dignity as per some of the suggestions above and don't engage further about it.

But expect a barrage of Private Messages on the back of it from your friends all insisting they are 'shocked' and had 'no idea'. Up to you what you do with that. You could counter it before it happens by adding something to your initial message, so:

Just to avoid future speculation and gossip, I am letting you all know that I am divorcing MrTruthorDie due to his affair with MissWeddingDrunk. I have no interest in knowing who did or didn't know about it, so please don't feel obliged to reassure me either way. My priority is die the wellbeing of me and DC. Thanks.

A dignified silence can come back to bite you later on with a lack of support and false narratives becoming accepted as the truth.

A dignified single explanation is a better course of action. Don't descend to stirring and suggesting things that may or not be truth. Keep it short and truthful. A statement like that is hard to deny.

Anyone not offering support was not a friend.

Do it ! F🤬k them ! They are both as dirty as each other

Op, I outed my wonderful cheating husband publically last year, you will see my thread on my name.

I do not regret it one bit.

The silence of women does not define grace and dignity. Simple as that.

Sending you love x

I was in a very similar situation and responded in a very similar fashion. I made sure everyone knew that the split absolutely wasn't a mutual decision. I had no further contact with his friends after that, so their opinion of whether I'd taken
the moral high ground didn't bother me. And revenge/point scoring might not be useful or productive...but in these situations you often dont have much else, so why not! I hope you're OK, it's a horrible thing to happen xx

What an arsehole. I’d do it but keep it short and factual as other have said. I wouldn’t be vague or keep people guessing - tell them the facts and if you want to leave the group to avoid witnessing the fall out say so then exit. I would say that you hope to keep in touch with everyone else but won’t be staying on this group so please get in touch directly. You’ll soon see who your friends are.

What was he thinking?? Has he explained himself?

@TruthorDie that's terrible that you went through fertility treatment with that monster 😞

I'd do it and I wouldn't tell him were breaking up first. Let him read the WhatsApp. Anyone who knew and kept it a secret isn't your friend. Anyone who sides with the cheater isn't your friend.

She’s stating a fact - I’m leaving X because he’s shagged Y.
You’d probably need to know about it before organising the next night out, to be fair! Or do you expect her to start making up lies about why they can’t attend?

You think people in this WhatsApp group aren’t actually her friends but they’re arranging night out etc together? Are you in WhatsApp groups with people who aren’t your friends?! 🤣

Inevitably her friends and acquaintances will find out about it anyway.

The word “dignified” is bullshit, it’s used to silence women

The irony of posting this on AIBU - a site we are literally all on because we like hearing about and getting involved in other people’s drama 😂

OP if it makes you feel better to do this then go for it. If I was in the whatsapp group I’d be grateful you explained what was happening so I could reach out and support you as any real friend would. I certainly wouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself because I’d had to hear about what you are going through.

If people in the group already knew, then they dragged themselves into it!
If not, they will find out anyway, it’s completely fair for OP to want to be the one stating fact and having control over the narrative befor her husband and OW get in others’ ears.
The idea that no one else should even hear about it is ludicrous, of course she’s going to tell her friends!

Don’t do that. You’ll look undignified and unhinged.

Don’t like other posters have suggested and embellish, if you want to do this just be factual ie john and i are getting divorced because he shagged Claire before we got married .

Nobody is going to care that you stb ex , shagged someone before you got married , they will feel sorry and embarrassed for you and then everyone will just get on with their own lives .

Maybe seeing as you were pregnant and presumably not using contraceptives, get yourself checked out for std’s as well

Nah - sod keeping silent/higher ground - I'd call them out with the "mutual friend" suggestion but add "with a mutual friend in this group. You know who you are. How you dared look me in the eye and attend my wedding, I'll never know. As to those who knew, I sincerely hope this never happens to you. Peace and love to the rest of you. Take care, Truth x

Did he only marry you because you were pregnant? She was his 'one that got away'?

Rip them a new arsehole OP!

Fuck dignity- this keeps the power in your hands - no room for them to do damage limitation and shit on people's views of you imo

Are you the other woman or something? You seem very hell bent on OP NOT announcing it in the group. Very invested actually.

100% I would call this out in the WhatsApp

This happened to me whilst I was pregnant. Lots of people knew, many didn't.

I scorched his earth big time.

I don't blame the women, he is a professional liar and narcissist.

But what did enjoy was the plural situation, I didn't name the two women but made it clear it was more than one.

The car crash that happened after was very enjoyable.

What happened afterwards?

Yes that's better if you really want to do it.

I'm so sorry. I hope you have plenty of support 💐