Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

I agree with PP who thinks you should do it if you're not bothered about maintaining friendship but I wonder who is in the group? How many people? Are they real friends you actually see in real life?

I kind of think if they're you're friends then they'll remain your friends especially after what a shitty thing they have down and if they're not you're real friends that probably won't change!

I also like PP idea of saying it without naming names first either just DH has had an affair or mention mutual friend as, if they don't know, just mentioning he's had an affair might garner some sympathy!

Fuck it. Do it.

Then flounce off the group. @TruthorDie has left the god damn chat.

If you're happy to do it then do it, I'm with the posters who say fuck dignified silence.

On a practical level though, one thing to be prepared for (haven't RTFT so not sure if mentioned) is what if she replies?

Say you do the short and factual message, and she fires back with a dozen long drama-filled paragraphs about how your relationship was already in trouble, you weren't sleeping together, you were abusive, you trapped him into marriage and kids... would you then ignore? Or try to counter each point and get dragged into ongoing discussions with more and more outrageous accusations? It's worth thinking through what you'd do before you send the first message.

Absolutely this!

Definitely do it. But also please let us know when you have? 😅

-it was more than a snog. They have no previous romantic or sexual history l am aware of

Op, I may have misunderstood completely but are you suggesting he got handsy with her but they didn’t sleep with each other?
I’m definitely not suggesting this is ok (it’s not) and even a snog would be considered cheating for most people so don’t want to minimise this. But I am trying to clarify as I think outing a snog on WhatsApp is vastly different to outing her as long term affair partner (which I’m aware she also is not). I think most people in the group would understand you wanting to make it known and would sympathise with you had it been sexual as this is a major betrayal. But now I’m wondering if it was just ‘heavy petting’, in which case you have a right to feel hurt but think outing them would only backfire on you.

Oh and yes I bloody would shame her and I’m not even the confrontational type. I would just state the facts, take the emotion out and go with ‘just to give you a heads up, me and H are splitting due to the affair he had with OW. Take care’ and leave the chat

Did someone really just say ‘you weren’t even married.’ Sorry…. What 😭😭 so a long term relationship, engagement, fertility treatment leading to an actual baby- as long as they haven’t walked down the aisle yet, then the man is absolutely fine to cheat? Ok then. Lovely.

Without a doubt I'd do it.

Amen. So well put.

Well a fair warning is needed. This woman has basically had sex with a man she knows is in a relationship and has had thr nerve to actually accept the invite and come to the wedding? Are you kidding me? I guess all the women in that group need to know who to be wary of

Look OP, are you actually going to DO something, or are you just talking about it on this thread. FFS, DO IT! Go and DO IT! Then report back any responses.

If I was on a group chat or whatever and some put on 'my husband and this person cheated on me' I would ask 'ok what do you want me to do about it?' What is the appropriate response?

Get the tar and feathers out? Purse my lips at them?

All this 'you weren't even married' is batshit. Cheating is cheating. Do people really believe fidelity only matters between married people?

OP, in your shoes I don't think I'd be able to resist naming and shaming. The way you're thinking of putting it isn't undignified imo, and even if it was, you don't owe anyone dignity after how you've been treated.

I’d definitely do it. More power to you girl. Sorry you married a dickhead.

What type is that then?

Women who are prepared to stick up for themselves and not be "dignified and silent" over the appalling behaviour of a man? To spare who exactly? The man's feelings?

It's about bloody time we recognised people for who they are and the wrongs they do. 2 fingers to keeping it private. Let the world know exactly what others are like so maybe someone will hold them accountable for their shitty actions, as they sure as hell don't seem to do it themselves.

Give over.

23 pages later has she posted it to the WhatsApp group or still seeking validation on here.

Do it! Do it!

if you’ve done it has anyone responded???.

also did he randomly get a random prang of guilt and tell you? What a prick. Tell the WhatsApp chat. Whoooo cares if it upsets any of them!

YABU just for trying to drag the rest of the group into your drama. How on earth do you expect them to respond to that?

If you want to confront the OW directly, do it. If your friends ask about the end of your marriage and you want to be honest, do it. But don't force other people to be involved.

I don’t think you’re dragging anyone else in to your drama. Why wouldn’t you tell people what had happened? If they didn’t want people to know then they shouldn’t have done it, there was always a risk it would get out. I wouldn’t put it on Facebook but a closed group of mutual friends, what’s the difference to sending them all the same message separately? It’s completely possible to impart this information in a calm and dignified manner without loss of composure or resorting to sharing photos of him in the act or saying he’s got a tiny penis. Why should the OP slope off as if it’s her who has something to hide and be ashamed of? If people ghost her for calmly telling the truth or say she’s a mad bitch then they’re going to do that however they find out.

I think there’s a lot to be said for controlling the narrative here.

Not the first question.

I like to make sense of the context and at the moment I’m not there.

You weren’t even married. It’s in the past. I know you might feel incredibly hurt but best to find a way to deal with it in other ways.

It's ok OP, PepperyTaste says it's in the past and you weren't even married. So I guess you should just move on eh?

Fucks sake ...

That 70% vote think this is a normal and appropriate thing to do says a lot about Mumsnet and who it attracts.