So emotional to move our from family home

It will be the best of both worlds. You have privacy with your bf, but you can still go and eat or spend the evening with your parents whenever you want.

Yes, this is a good set of questions, especially for someone who is only used to sharing a home with close family.

Do you have any deep down reservations about moving in and living with your boyfriend? Are your feelings trying to tell you something?
I hope you get legal advice regarding rights over your new home in case your boyfriend tries to put a claim on it in the future. Maybe you could live separately for a little while and then when you are ready and he has money to buy you could get somewhere together?
Basically is the boyfriend something to do with not feeling safe? Trust your feelings.

My next down in age brother and I bought a house together, which was much easier - less quiet!

Are you excited about moving in with your boyfriend?

Just to offer a different view, you don't actually have to move out. It is a very western idea that kids move out. In many parts of the world, you have multi-generational homes including adult children. Do what your gut says.

Yes I agree. You can be a close family and not living together well in to your 20's or in each others pockets. It's a normal part of growing up and a key life stage to 'separate' from family. Most people do that at a younger age than mid 20's. So I think it's a very good thing you are finally leaving, even if you will be nearby (I actually think it would be better for you if it wasn't only 5 mins away).

Whilst it's great you feel close to your family, it can be emotionally unhealthy, even stunting personal growth, if it goes too far. I think moving out, whether living alone or in a houseshare is a big part of growing up (I know you said you did this for uni but you also say it felt temporary). There is a sense in your post that to have stayed at home so long and feel so distraught at the thought of moving out, you are not yet a fully functioning, emotionally independent adult. Hopefully moving out will help you get some perspective on that. When you do finally leave, try not to be constantly popping back, seeing them all the time or leaning on your parents for support. Use this as the springboard to learn how to cope on your own.

What you don't want to end up being is one of the people that partners complain about on MN, so enmeshed with their family that any future partner or children come a poor second.

Hi Op, I totally understand how this feels.

I too left my family home at 26 (parents and younger brother) and I was so deeply sad it was honestly such a huge adjustment for me.
The day I moved out I said bye to my mum and dad and I started crying, then my mum started crying and I went to live with my now husband (then fiancé) and I was just so sad I couldn't really even enjoy the feeling of freedom and the moment I finally moved in with my long term boyfriend!

But! Something slowly changed, it took ages and I literally visited my parents house twice a week for months, but slowly I changed and I became happier and more in control and a million times more independent.

I really understand what you said about watching tv with your parwnts in the evening! But you will be fine OP.

Come back to this post if you need to speak to anyone x

Aw reading this has just reminded me that I was the same! I'd totally forgotten! I was excited at first getting a new home etc but then cried loads and felt silly too, but tbh it just ended up being like another place to all meet up 😄 I still visit them a lot and they visit me. You may find you visit them lots at first but once your house feels more like a home you'll not feel so strange or sad being away and will start to prefer your own home. We still have a group text chat where we're watching the same tv programme but in three separate houses and discussing it 😂 it's like all sitting together lol. You'll be fine. Cry if you want to 😊

If you're not ready don't move out. Don't listen to others, follow your heart.

Ah, it's a big step, OP. I remember moving out at 25, renting in the same street as the family home and sobbing my eyes out in the shower the first morning in the new house. It's lovely, and lucky, to have family be so close. It will ease over time. Good luck and enjoy the freedom!

I felt like this too! Bought my first place at 25 but couldn’t face moving out of the family home for 18 months…my dad used to joke that my house was the most expensive Wendy house ever!! 🤭 In the end it was either move in or rent it out so I adopted a cat and moved in.

Absolutely loved living on my own, still went “home” several times a week but there’s nothing like having your own front door and space 😊.

Ah I think some of the previous posters have been a bit uprupt here, it is sad, and scary to live on your own for the first time especially if you have a lovely and tight knit relationship with your family.
be proud of yourself that you’ve got into this position, and try and think about the fact that once you are settled you can repay your parents for their kindness over the years by inviting them over for dinner! I bet your parents and brother are so so so so proud of you for standing on your own two feet and as a mother myself I am almost tearing up at the fact that one day my son will be able to invite me over for dinner. It’s lovely, and well done for working so hard to be able to buy. I’m sure your parents are sad too, it’s bittersweet. Good luck with the move 💐

I get this, I moved out but only after I missed my parents, it took a little while. I would encourage you to ask friends over for a cup of tea, maybe lunch or dinner / drinks nibbles etc and things like this will help ease you in.

how lovely to have such a lovely family.

I think my Mum found it hard when I left, but I only moved 3 miles away and she said that in her head she pretended I had just moved to a "wing" of the house 3 miles away haha and that helped her process it, and I still saw lots of her.

Think of all the benefits that come with living alone - can live completely on your own timetable and create your own routines exactly as you like them. Only have to deal with your own mess etc...

Are you generally quite an anxious person? I don't actually see it as something positive to still want to live at home in your late 20's like you and your brother and not having developed proper independence yet.

By your age I had lived away from home for 10 years and was on my 3rd country to live in. I enjoyed seeing my parents too but for a week or so. Focus on what you are moving to rather than what you are moving away from.

Everyone I know went to university aged 18, got jobs and never looked back. So I can’t relate to this at all! I adore my young adult kids but I kind of hope they will want to move on to the next exciting chapter of their lives before 26.

What is it that scares you, exactly?

I think I struggle to relate because we were poor and my childhood home was very crowded, and when I (eldest) left for university at eighteen, it was very clear I’d left — my sisters moved into my bedroom, any belongings I didn’t take went into the attic, and I slept on the sofa if I came back to visit in the vac. I was very welcome, but I’d definitely left home.

That wasn’t a problem, because I was dying to strike out on my own, and I moved overseas for postgraduate work and didn’t live in my home country again for decades. But ‘failure to launch’ is an form of economic privilege not available to all.

Enjoy your new stage!

Rent a room to your brother!

This is something I can’t relate to at all. I was very independent and couldn’t wait to move out although I have a great relationship to my parents who live close by now (they moved closer to me).

Can you recognise how incredibly fortunate you are and focus on that?

I think this is lovely OP. You read such awful things on here about shitty families so it's refreshing to hear that you're so close to yours.

It sounds like a perfect scenario, your own place with your BF, yet near to your parents so you can pop in for a cuppa/dinner. Any change is scary, it's normal.

Op, it is time to live independently, failure to launch is not a positive or to be looked at fondly.

You have made this move as minimal as you can, by moving as close as you can, but it is a step in the right direction, a good one. Once you have your independence you will thrive, and live a healthy adult life. Learning to manage your own home, from the diy to the bills to the decor is a life skill. As is learning to live independently.

well done on doing this, it’s a positive, and no parent wants a child who fails to launch unless it is unavoidable. As sad as it is when a child flies the nest, it is a hugely positive step and it is absolutely in everyone’s favour.

What do your parents think?
Do they want you to go or are they happy for you to stay?
It doesn't sound like you're ready to fly the nest.
If you have a mortgage/deposit in place could you change to a buy to let mortgage?
It'll be a bit more expensive but you could buy a place, give it to a letting agency on a guaranteed rent scheme and stay at home a while longer then you'd be on the property ladder and hopefully getting enough income to cover the mortgage.
Exp did this, guaranteed rent through an agency which covers the mortgage

How old is your brother? Maybe you could house share part of the time? 5 mins from your family is fab, you'll see them all the time.