AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

As a fat woman (who desperately doesn’t want to be fat)… I had always wondered if slimmer people watched my plate like a hawk and paid special (critical) attention to anything I have to say about the food on it… I am now satisfied from this OP that they definitely do. 😢

Sounds as though your MiL has been on the receiving end of some nasty, fat-shaming comments and is feeling defensive about how she is perceived when eating. This can actually tip over into an eating disorder. Next time, I would say, ‘We’re on holiday. You’re allowed a treat, especially when you’re running around after our kids all day!’

Loads of people of all sizes do it. It's internalised shame around food and trying to make sure they come across as dainty. Really common in parents' generation but it's not limited to them - my MIL does it a lot despite being average-sized. It's toxic because it means that they're implying anyone at the table who does finish a similar sized portion is fat/abnormal/greedy. They will affirm this by being fake nice and going "oh didn't you do well, you must have been hungry good on you for having a healthy appetite" etc.

I've also noticed that when MIL comments on what my son (8) is eating, even supposedly positively "ooh what a hungry boy, you'll grow big and strong", he immediately clams up and goes "nah, I'm not really hungry anymore". I'm trying to get her to stop doing that.

It reads that she is trying to have a passive aggressive dig at a fat person seated at the table with her.

I feel thin people do this as well. My MIL comments on food to the point it puts everyone off the lovely food she has just cooked huge portions of.

I think people who have issues with food, regardless of weight do this. There’s a lot of people with disordered eating and they range from thin to fat.,

Lots of women - of all sizes - do it because they've internalised the message that women should have dainty appetites, and eating less (or nothing!) is a virtue while eating a lot (or a normal portion!) is a moral failing.

I also think that as you get older, you can’t eat as much and that's probably part of it too. But generally, women whether overweight or not, can feel very defensive and ashamed when it comes to food.

I agree it’s a generational thing. From personal experience anyway.
The “boomers” in my life (for lack of a better descriptor) and older, are all very loud about “oh that’s far too much” “oh we’ve got so much food on the table” “gosh that cake looks good but just a tiny slither for me” “oh I’ve had two biscuits how naughty”
Edited to add - all of these comments have come from women, some larger / smaller than others so current weight seems irrelevant. But I’ve noticed the men never feel the need to comment, regardless of their size/weight.

Perhaps a combination of attitudes from when they were younger (a lot of societal emphasis on women “staying slim” 40-50 years ago) and the fact that your appetite does get smaller as you age generally so they probably can’t eat as much anyway, so overreact to quantities of food eg. Gave my 66 year old aunt a bowl of pasta the same size as my 6 year olds the other day and she complained it was far too much and then ate it all.

I think younger generations and those with young children are working quite hard to destigmatise food and reinforce the message that food doesn’t have any moral value.

This

God I bloody hate when people do this. It's just attention seeking. And it's selfish. If I'm enjoying my food I don't need someone else saying how massive it is and making me feel guilty just so that they can look virtuous by not eating it all (especially if they're the type to then continue snacking on biscuits the rest of the day)

Sorry, that was meant to be a general post, not a response to the comment by SpudleyLass! 😊

I find more really slim people do this, than fat. It shames the people around them who are enjoying their food. When you’re in a restaurant, you should really button it and let others get on with their dinner.

You can't generalise about this stuff. People of all sizes say this. The only commonality I've noticed is they're normally the more attention-seeking people in the group. Could just be my perception though.

Are you new here op? You must have seen some of the many many threads posted by skinny (so they say) competitive undereaters on here about massive portions everywhere and how one meal in a pub would feed their whole family?

How? How is it an age thing? What do you think happens to older people that makes them do this?

Clue: nothing. It's nothing to do with age or the woman's generation.

@Bernadinetta I'd call her out on it. I'd ask her why she does this - I might also point out that she's the overweight one - depending on how cruel that would be!

But unless you point out to her how hurtful and unnecessary it is, she's not going to stop.

I used to do something similar when I had a problem with alcohol.

Someone would give me a 250ml glass of wine & I’d exclaim, ‘Gosh, that’s a big glass!’
When actually I always ordered large glasses like that.

I'm fat, so if I'm served a huge portion am I not allowed to comment on it

I have also noticed lots of my older family members get very funny about food and portion sizes as they got older. So it may just be age?

It’s a defensive thing.

I’m overweight, I’ve got a massive plate of food in front of me that people are no doubt thinking ‘look at that greedy cow with all that food - no wonder they’re so fat’.

So you get in there early to acknowledge how much food is there and that you’re not going to eat it all. It’s a defence against what you perceive people are thinking about you.

I think it's a generational thing. My MIL does this, regardless of the portion size - it can be a perfectly normal, even small, portion but she'll still tell everyone how huge it is.

She's mid-70s, constantly on a diet, not overweight.

A catchphrase in our house comes from when we took my late mum away to a holiday cottage. We only cooked meals we knew she would like and eat and one day got some very good quality sausages to have with mash and veg (gravy too, obviously).

We eat 'family style' and put the food in dishes for everyone to serve themselves. Mum took a sausage and some veg, etc and when she'd eaten this, I offered her the sausages again. She replied "Oh, I think one is MORE than enough, don't you?"

One feckin' sausage! Growing up, she ALWAYS gave us two bloody sausages each!

Now why are the rest of us fatties in it?!