AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

I agree it isn’t about being small now, strong has been the new skinny for a long time, but some people cannot move out of that mindset. It is generational.

I find weight is very complex emotionally, and people react in ways we may not feel is logical.

for example I see on here some really abusive terms used for people who eat too much. Ie a thread about a husband eating too much of something is met with complete abuse, greedy pig, disgusting , etc, but when a woman does it, there is no abuse. If a woman doesn’t fancy her now fat husband it’s acceptable, understandable, if a man doesn’t fancy his now fat wife, it makes him an absolute shallow bastard. With cries of what do you look like then, have you all your hair.

and take the Pippa Middleton in a bikini thread, some people ripping her apart. And absolutely guaranteed some of those same people are obese, then if someone obviously overweight posts a pic of themselves, folks fall over themselves to say you’ve a gorgeous figure etc. like it’s ok to slam skinny.

it’s all very complex and about the persons emotions around their own body image and I always think it best to keep in mind that when you see behaviour that you find uncomfortable. That it is not about the other person, or the portion, or whatever, it’s about the feeling the person has about themselves.

Oh sorry, I’ve not been clear. I didn’t mean me, personally. I don’t mention portion sizes.

Not now anyway- there was a time I did when I was overweight that I did feel like everyone was watching what I had in front of me though so I know definitely know how it feels to perceive judgement.

I don't think it's changed at all! There's still a strong drive for women to be slim/small. It doesn't stop just because you're older, and it's nothing to do with 'getting a man'!

But it is generational, different body sizes are in fashion at different times and at one stage that was bring small, being attractive and slim is important when you are perhaps reliant on finding a man so you can leave home etc. for a lot of women their goal was to be as small as possible,not seen to be greedy to be delicate and feminine I think it’s changing now thank god with more women doing weights and celebrating a strong looking body. Not something that happens when they are old, it’s the wallace Simpson thing isn’t it.

I don’t think it’s a fat-person thing - I think it’s a constantly-comparing-and-competing person thing.

of the people I know who do this - both thin + fat. The common denominator is they live their lives constantly looking around at who is fatter/thinner/prettier/richer etc.

I get that some people feel insecure and can’t help it.

but it is very annoying whoever does it!

Yes when it happens I assume it’s guilt or shame. A kind of saying I know I’m overweight but I really want you to know it’s not because I’m greedy - whatever greedy means.

i know what you mean op I’ve heard people say it a lot. I’m slim though and I wonder if that’s why it’s a deflection in case I’m thinking bad of them. I’m not I don’t care. I’m more thinking about my own fucked up relationships with food!!

My mother is very slim but always makes comments like these and always has. She has also been on a diet her whole life so she’s projecting her own fears basically.

My mum is slim at the moment but has always been normal weight then yo-yo dieting since forever because you can never be slim enough. She always makes these types of comments, so do all her friends. I think it’s a generational thing? Constantly going on about good food/bad food, too much of this blah blah. I find it exhausting, you can go out and eat a big piece of cake for lunch if you want and eat healthily all other days a week. Always focusing on people’s weight. I dieted for years as a teen/early twenties because I too believed that I could be slimmer, even at my slimmest. Honestly glad that I snapped out of it and have a good relationship with food. My mum finds it miraculous that I can maintain a slim weight without eating tiny portions and avoiding all ‘bad’ foods.

I'm overweight and one of my slim friends used to comment all the time about what I was eating, no matter what it was, if it was healthy / unhealthy, whatever.

"How are you still hungry?"
"You don't need that"
"That's so processed"
"Aren't you having more than that?"
"Are you eating ANOTHER banana?"

It was fucking annoying. YABU

"SwingTheMonkey · Today 09:48

It’s a defensive thing.

I’m overweight, I’ve got a massive plate of food in front of me that people are no doubt thinking ‘look at that greedy cow with all that food - no wonder they’re so fat’.

So you get in there early to acknowledge how much food is there and that you’re not going to eat it all. It’s a defence against what you perceive people are thinking about you."

The thing is though what you're doing here is just making other people feel uncomfortable about their meal instead to make YOU feel better. How is that ok?

And actually if you're out in a restaurant I can't imagine ANYONE is thinking about how greedy you are to get such a massive plate of food since you didn't fill it yourself anyway.

Plus people who do it are usually just doing it for attention because they want everyone to think "oh well done. You eat like a bird. You must be so much better as a person than I am"
But really nobody gives a shit. What they're actually thinking is - "don't eat it then. But why do you have to go on about it so that now I feel bad about eating MY meal"

It's selfish and performative. And usually bollocks anyway because in my experience the people who do this will be stuffing their face with snacks all day anyway which is why they're not that hungry for their meal.

There was a thread about commenting on portion size a while ago and the majority consensus was it was a mother/generational thing! My mum and dad are both very slim, have always ate tiny portions and ALWAYS comment/moan about how crazy portion sizes are (whilst me, my sister and our partners are invariably wolfing down said portion sizes with ease!) My parents regularly share meals/sanwiches between the two of them, so whilst they comment, they live up to their moaning and genuinely cannot eat that amount of food in one sitting. They do however eat a relatively constant stream of sugary 'sweet treats' and give the same to our kids without a second thought!

Sounds like your mum has food anxiety, which often goes hand in hand with struggling to be a healthy weight. I know several people like this unfortunately.

@Thementalloadisreal

I agree it’s a generational thing. From personal experience anyway.
The “boomers” in my life (for lack of a better descriptor) and older, are all very loud about “oh that’s far too much” “oh we’ve got so much food on the table” “gosh that cake looks good but just a tiny slither for me” “oh I’ve had two biscuits how naughty”

Just because it's your experience doesn't mean that this is a truth.

The OP has never stated how old she is, or how old her mother is. She could be in her 20s with a mother who is in her 40s. Or she could be in her 40s with a mother who's in her 60s. Or in her 50s with a mother in her 70s.

None of you have any idea how old this woman is who is commenting on her daughter's food. So to claim this is a generational thing is nonsense. It's just - yet another - excuse to have a go at older people.

You can't help what people are thinking about you - or not thinking.

Just eat and enjoy your food without drawing attention to it. I know it's easy to say, difficult to do but try it. Make no comment about it, talk about other things.

There is no reason to feel defensive about what you eat and you shouldn't feel pressure to do that.

It goes the other way too. I'm overweight and have worked my backside off to lose over 3 stone and 4 dress sizes. It's taken me over 18 months and I've still got a way to go before I get to healthy weight range.

It's been a lifestyle change for me, not a diet but I now have anxiety about eating around people who aren't my immediate family or when I'm in restaurants.

I was taught to clear my plate as a child and always did until I began to lose weight and listen to my body, so I stop when I'm full. But the amount of comments, particularly from slim friends querying why I'm not eating more, comments around how I must still be hungry as they've cleared their plate and I haven't. The question of is everything OK with my food when the wait staff clear my plate as everyone else's is empty or do I want to take it home. If I insist I'm full I've frequently gotten raised eyebrows, not to mention slimmer friends actually assuming I want the bigger slice of cake or offering me their left overs when I haven't even finished.

Like it or not there is public judgement against us that are overweight, the assumption is that we are fat because we must eat too much and we must all enjoy food. Its exhausting trying to navigate it and we can't win.

I've noticed that some women - overweight or not - do this. Make pointless, irritating comments about their food and other people's. I don't know if it's a tic or for the sake of something to say but it is hugely annoying.

Eat it/don't eat it, I don't care, just shut up about it.

The only time I’m interested in other peoples plates is to see if they’ve left any chips I can pinch

My ex-MIL would never say thank you for any food put down in front of her, she’d always go into this performative “what a huge portion” “I’ll never managed that” etc. She also hated “fat people” and would go on and on about how disgusting they were and name particular individuals and complain about why they couldn’t be more active like her. Funny thing is she wasn’t small. A solid size 14-16 at 5ft 4. I think these comments are more from people who have food issues and are a bit obsessive rather than fat or thin people. I think some people spend so long thinking about dieting and portions it is then a bit of a surprise for the rest of us

Haha no worries!

I don’t think most people do at all. It’s only if you make a song and dance about it. Personally I think eat all your food or don’t, what you eat is no one else’s business and people will only think about it if you draw attention to it

Where did I generalise anybody?

I said that in my mum's case, she was projecting her own insecurities.

I’ve known a few overweight people quite a bit older who eat like birds and would never finish a whole plate of food at a restaurant. I think it’s a combination of lower metabolism as they get older, not much movement and consuming high calorie foods (eating out often, high calorie home cooking, lots of alcohol). They always commented on my “giant” portion sizes. So it might be an age/lifestyle thing and their stomachs have genuinely shrunk from not eating large portions. Still annoying though when you just want to enjoy your dinner