AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

Oh yes, don't mind all the performative undereaters, that are clearly NOT.

I think it's less the size of the person and more their relationship with food as I've known slim people to do the same. I used to have an awful relationship with food thanks to my mother making huge dinners and making me eat every bit until I felt sick. As a result I was a very fussy child and would hide food in my pocket to flush down the loo, or just sit there for hours and end up sent to bed with a smack. I actually ended up very underweight. I'm healthy now, but will always be tiny (5ft 2 with a small frame) and used to be very conscious of people watching me eat. If we went out for a pub lunch, the size of the portions would fill me with anxiety to the point I'd lose my appetite (because I'd subconsciously feel like people would be annoyed with me if I didn't finish it all!) I'd sometimes actually apologise for not being able to eat it all. I'd also sometimes get comments from people who decided I was too small and should eat more - these were not helpful, just made me feel ten times worse as I wasn't in fact undereating at all - just eating until I was full, which happened to be sooner than some. These days I don't care. I know I don't have a huge appetite and I don't see it as anyone else's business. I'm sure it's annoying when people make a fuss about portion sizes, but as long as it's their own food they're commenting on I think you should just smile and ignore - they are likely dealing with an internal struggle they can't help.

I’m not “having a go” but I do feel sorry for older women who have been brought up with dysfunctional relationships with food.

It’s not just in my experience either, it’s well known that food attitudes have changed dramatically over decades and it’s only more recently that we are embracing food and body neutrality.

No it may not apply to this specific example but OP omitted the ages so it has become a general discussion of people who talk in certain ways about food.

My MIL is slim and does this. She does it less as I am only slightly overweight but she didn't think that some of her comments around food were rude and I made a point of calling her out.
Just things like 'oh don't give me a big portion' 'oh I can't eat as much as you two'. And things like not having a sweet tooth, which she does she just thinks that if no one sees her eat it then she didn't eat it.
Also everytime we eat on her way to the kitchen with the plate basically shoving it under my nose and going 'oh I only left this and this'. Or 'do you want half my salmon strip that I've mauled as I can't eat all that's
My late FIL used to say I was a 'good eater' which all women want to hear.
I have had a lot of weight issues over the years and know myself it's an issue and I can be obsessive so it winds me up probably more than it should do

Honestly I’m not sure it’s overweight people, I think it’s people with eating/security issues. My mum isn’t overweight and does this regularly because she’s obsessed with food and weight.

Yes - some of them like to make it a point to make me feel bad because im
thin and eat a lot less - im just used to it now.

You sound nice

It's just a quirk, often coming from slightly older women.

Why would you say this? And what does 'slightly older' mean? It's a relative term, so older than who? By how many years are they older?

Nonsense thing to say.

As others have said, not size specific. We're all judged constantly and inevitably it causes some people to be sensitive. I'm thin and always have been, but have had plenty of people assume I have food issues because of my size (bottom of the healthy bmi range). Actually I am just on the go constantly and have a fast metabolism and need to eat a lot. I hate people commenting that I must have an eating disorder and I sometimes comment when I eat, to try to draw attention to the fact I am eating "normally". I assume it's something similar when larger people do the same.

"Your last paragraph is really nasty by the way and is a perfect example of why overweight people feel the need say stuff about portions. Not everyone who is overweight stuffs their face all day with snacks ffs"

I never said "overweight" people are always stuffing their faces with snacks. That was YOUR assumption. I said people who make a big song and dance about supposedly massive portion sizes are likely stuffing their faces with snacks all day and that's why they don't want their meal. I've seen slim and fat people do it. I don't believe it's about size. I believe it's about attention seeking.

I don't think it's specific to any size. It's just a quirk, often coming from slightly older women. I guess it was in- grained in women from a young age that being 'greedy' is awful and I guess maybe she feels guilty. She obviously knows she's bigger than she would like.

It's a shame if she feels the need to 'excuse' her food portions/ size in this way. I did know one very obese lady at work, and she only ever seemed to have a sandwich, crisps and a drink for the whole day. I could imagine she must have had a severe binging disorder once she got home.

I often comment on portions looking big, in a kind of 'oh wow, how cool' kind of way. If they look very small I always joke "where's the rest of it?' I'm very slim and a small eater, but I just like feeling like there's too much food rather than not enough.

I find most larger people I know seem to eat their food very enthusiastically and quite quickly, without really ever complaining. They always seem to finish their plate. They are also more likely to accept bits from my plate.

So I think it's mainly her insecurity. I'd say it's best to ignore it as commenting could make her feel very embarrassed. Like, implying she eats loads so how can she moan about big portions kind of thing. I can see how it could be grating though.

I used to do this from time to time, more out of habit really and because my own mum never finishes a plate of food (no eating issues or overweight, she just doesn’t like a big meal and regularly makes this known!). I was then around a family member recently who was doing this relentlessly and I found it insufferable. I don’t know why this person has started doing this but I found it so irritating and performative and I just want to say eat what you want and leave what you want, nobody cares! It was a lightbulb moment for me and has weirdly stopped me from doing it myself since. I’m also a lot happier in my eating habits since I stopped doing this and feel like I know my own hunger cues a lot better. Ironic really that it took being annoyed by someone else with this habit that nipped mine in the bud!

I don’t think it’s got to do with whether you are overweight or not but I do agree it is incredibly grating being around someone who goes on like this.

Snacking, eating more frequently, drinking sugary drinks or alcohol- lots of ways to eat too many calories besides eating big portions at mealtimes.

'Didnt happen to me' is the biggest bullshit argument ever.

Really? Cannot they? How did they get there first place, then? And don't tell me about health problems, I have underactive thyroid since childhood, biggest excuse to be fat, and I'm not.

My mum is very petite and she does the same. It's a mum thing I'd say.

I;m overweight but never mention portion sizes at all. Mainly because i have 2 women in my life who do - my mother who flaps her hands and says she couldn't possibly (she is also overweight and this is around her anxiety around food and eating in public) and my aunt who does the same but usually says things like ' Oh I can't manage it- I'll not be able to eat until Thursday' who is super super skinny and has had treatment several times for eating disorders.

I think it comes from being anxious around food and perhaps a perceived sensitivity about what is appropriate for women to eat. (although when you get older your appetite does diminish). .

What @IncompleteSenten said. I'm not massively overweight but would be happier weighing less and I struggle to eat in front of others as always assume they're thinking "she shouldn't be eating that" or "she could do with skipping a meal or two!"
I think when peoplesay things like "oh this is waaaaay too much or we could've shared" they're trying to get in there first because they think others are thinking it.

Welcome to diet culture and how society treats fat people.

If some overweight people make comments like this it'll be because some people judge overweight people. If the judgement wasn't there, they wouldn't feel the need to comment on portion sizes.

I'm overweight, I can't eat loads in one go tho, I am however a grazer.

I never say anything but when I clock the skinny guy in work having two pies, a Mars bar and a can of coke for lunch I do find myself idly wondering how Mr Skinny McSkinnyton can eat such utter shite and remain slim whereas I seem to have drawn the short straw in terms of metabolism and size of arse !!

My late MIL was the opposite, every meal I had was “not nearly enough” and told me “everyone” gains a stone every decade.

That was definitely her insecurities and I pushed back when she started giving my DD cakes when they were babies

I have never noticed this at all, it must just be your family OP.

Again. I’ve clearly not expressed myself well enough. I’m giving an explanation of why I think people do this. Not that I do it myself. When I said ‘I’m overweight’ I meant it as speaking as op’s mum, not myself.

Your last paragraph is really nasty by the way and is a perfect example of why overweight people feel the need say stuff about portions. Not everyone who is overweight stuffs their face all day with snacks ffs.

Im making assumptions but your mum has spent years struggling with her weight, dieting , yoyoing , tried WW, SW

She's obsessed with food

Am I right?