AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

They're getting in first. Us fatties know we're fat. We're used to people giving us the sideways glance when we order a pudding. Making comments like you've described is a way of trying to deflect.

THIS!!!

I used to do it all the time, and it was definitely a defence mechanism because I’d had so many catty comments in the past when large portions arrived (“oooh are you going to eat all that, I thought you were on a diet” etc) that I felt the need to defend myself before I was judged.

Nowadays, I don’t do it as I’m perimenopausal and don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, and tend not to go out to eat with people who are arseholes anyway!

Like previous posters have said it's a defence mechanism - if a large person has a big plateful they know they will be judged so they get in first with the " oh what a huge plateful, I can't eat all this!" comment or decide to eat a lot less than is on their plate to make a point about portion control etc.
It's annoying but I leave them to it. I've been both the under and over eater at various points in my life.
The under eaters among us have our little tricks to take the attention away from how little we're eating and the over eaters have theirs. Just don't comment on anyone else's food. It's not necessary.

I’m fat and I never do this, I find it irritating when people talk about food this way. Eat it or don’t eat it I don’t care. I don’t always finish my food, if anyone says this infront of me I just say “well you don’t actually HAVE to eat all of it”. It’s so tiresome. I keep my food neurosis to myself because it’s boring.

But some overweight people do eat fairly small portions. I can think of several people who weigh a lot more than me but who eat less than me at meal times.
For example, I could eat double what my DH eats for dinner, yet he's overweight, and I'm not. He always comments on portion sizes being too big. The difference is that he's constantly snacking and eating sugary foods between meals. I don't snack so I weigh less.
I don't think all overweight people are faking it when they say a portion is too big for them.

Your mum could be concerned about how much you are eating if you need to lose weight or have been trying to lose weight in the past?

It’s not a generational ‘thing’.

I work with 0-18s and their families and my colleagues are all younger than me, I can tell you there is no such thing!!!

I suppose the only impact I can think age might have (which is different to the younger generation) is twofold, firstly that much much older people will have grown up under rationing and rationing only finally ended some time in the 50s or 60s (?) so there was less food around, it would have been something you got used to, physically and mentally. Secondly, over time portions sizes are huge, pubs especially are enormous and they are enormous for a business reason, its to pile it up with the cheap bits of a meal which dont take any particular skill (like bread or chips) and charge more and more money for it.

So if you're older, you've seen this increase and are likely to a)not manage it and b) comment on it, why wouldnt you?

I think younger people, in general, police their language more around food. Preventing fat shaming, body positive language is used to a degree unrecognised to teens in the 1990s. Most of us now with children today are really careful about what attitudes we wittingly pass on.

It's ok to acknowledge a past wrong, it makes me judge the boomer generation less harshly when they tell me I have hollow legs or a healthy appetite to see them as a product of their time rather than cruel in this moment in time not having quite kept up.

Its incredible isnt it!!

In my experience there is a mix of ages and sexes who might comment on portion size or mention that something is too much for them

Yes I think quite possibly they do - get their word in first thinking this is what people are thinking.
However I also notice slim people taking a tiny bite of something and saying 'far too rich for me' or ordering soup, eating half and proclaiming 'oh that's a big lunch for me'.

I was musing in relation to the poster who was saying that her relatives order off the childrens menu but then go home and have high calorie foods

Calories arent the sole reason someone wants a smaller portion

I might comment on my own food, I wouldnt comment on someone elses no. You sound so defensive.

( I also would never order off the children's menu, chicken nuggets are not my thing)

FFS @GoodbyeMother

The boomers have seen entire areas of small talk - commenting on race, sexuality, morals become unacceptable in their lifetime. Talking personally about their portion size must feel like the only topic left

Could you be any more offensive/ageist?

I order things that are really small portions because I cant manage much bigger, not only is a waste of money (or if someone is dishing me up something I dont want to waste their food) but its a waste of food even if it is a restaurant.

Its not soley for the calories, some of what I eat is extremely calorie dense but just not big volume.

Jesus, what an awful ost. OP, what’s wrong with you?

MIL is well into this, and I think anecdotally we can name and shame the boomer generation.

Cigarettes for appetite suppression, pick me ups from the GP, MIL was on what sounds like speed at one point. Policing of her weight from FIL, the biggest compliment he thinks is telling me I've lost weight.

The boomers have seen entire areas of small talk - commenting on race, sexuality, morals become unacceptable in their lifetime. Talking personally about their portion size must feel like the only topic left.

Having seen my mum and her friends all order off the children's menu but then snaffle plates of biscuits with tea then go home to toast and honey, or toasted teacakes and jam, the calories are often still going in.

Well I dont know about 'constantly' commenting on it, but generally people talk about things that they see around them, are happening to them, generally commentary on a situation, thats normal

I wouldnt have thought people get so heightened to hear people say 'fantastic, thats a massive serving' but somehow when its the other way around and people are commenting its too big, thats a problem somehow

I also dont think its a woman thing, the two people that say this in my life are my dad and OH. Dad hs never had a big appetite and feels a bit overwhelmed with big portions, like he is obliged to eat it. Never had a weight problem, doesnt have food issues (as so many are pointing out on the thread), never been on a diet, never needed to lose weight as such.
My OH is the other one, he is constantly astounded (and probably quite disappointed) that he cant eat as much as he could when he was younger, we're both finding this, as you get older something happens and you just cant eat as much, you cant eat with gusto and your appetite and capacity dimishes. So we find that portions sizes now look huge, of course we're going to comment on it. He also has never had 'food issues', isnt interested in what other people eat.

Outside of my personal friends and family I also find people at work, young woman generally, say things like this.

People do generally express themselves or comment about stuff, just because you're uncomfortable with it doesnt mean people should shut up. Obviously if its really aimed at you in a nasty way thats a completely different thing

Gah, hate the running commentary on someone's food and never do it myself. Doesn't matter how much/little people eat, what they eat or how fat/thin they are. It's just so annoying!

And I don't think it's 'fat people's thing'. I've met skinny ones with 'gosh, I could never manage the whole biscuit', fat one's with 'eat a burger' said to slim people, all sorts. It's just generally 'people' thing, not fat people thing.

I was a normal child, then superskinny model-teen, then due to various factors an obese adult, then back to very slim again. Always ate however little or much I wanted and if someone said anything - fixed them with a death stare on a resting bitch face or a simple fuck off (depending).

Performative undereaters are the most annoying, though. I was underweight and ate next to nothing at one point, yet ffs, an adult person REALLY cannot imagine how another adult is able to eat A WHOLE one biscuit/sandwich/salad/a small pizza/etc, like REALLY? Give over.

Haha...im only interested in other people's plates to see if they ended up being served more chips than me! 🤣

My mum does this and she’s thin. Some people are just obsessed with talking about food. Very annoying though.

In my experience, slimmer people comment on food, portion sizes etc more than bigger people do.

I used to have a - relatively mild - eating disorder, and when I go out for food I’m sometimes monitoring portion side, calculating the calories in my food, whether I should order dessert etc.

I NEVER mention any of this out loud. That would be the most uncomfortable thing for me, and also I’d hate to draw attention to what I am or am not eating. I also hate it if anyone comments on what I’m eating.

If I’m with people who make similar comments to those OP mentions her family making I have to ignore them and not engage. Otherwise I get really uncomfortable and don’t enjoy the meal at all.

My personal bugbear is when you go out for lunch and there’s someone who makes a point of repeatedly saying ‘We won’t need to eat anything else today will we?’

(And you know full well they’re being performative and have every intention of eating dinner later)

I am thinking of more and more examples now. As I am late 40s, I am increasingly meeting up with friends who have weird ideas about food.

I went out for dinner last week to a Greek restaurant with a friend. Immediately she said ‘we won’t be ordering any mains, will we, we are just having starters’. I felt irritated and said ‘no I think I will have a main course of rice and a chicken kebab’. She then told me that they are too big for one person and we should share. She also suggested we share the drink that I ordered for myself. She is a bit heavier than me but not really overweight. I can’t stand being around this stuff. You order what you want, but leave me and my food order in peace.

I hate going out for lunch with my (slim) friend. She won’t order chips or pudding, but then when my chips or pudding arrive, she will suddenly either decide she wants one of her own or start helping herself to mine. And then, when we have finished she will ask if I am eating dinner that evening. I will say yes and she will look shocked and say ‘oh my gosh, are you eating again today?’ It is very wearing to be around. She undoubtedly has issues.