AIBU to wonder if sleep training negatively impacts a child (attachment theory)?

I think some people would argue that helping a baby learn to sleep is responding to it with love, warmth, and understanding. Leaving it to cry for hours on end is indeed cruel, but that's not what sleep training is.

I was sleep trained. I have no mental health issues, have a number of strong personal relationships and a good marriage with my husband. I’m independent and self starting, but probably lacking in empathy and I’m a bit inconsiderate of others feelings unless I consciously remind myself to take them into account.

But who’s to know if any of that derives from being sleep trained.

No sleep training here. We respond to dd with love and warmth and understanding whenever she’s under stress. Sleep training is cruel. The science has been proven that it’s harmful, so I don’t understand why parents keep gloating about their ‘ success ‘ ? Your 5 yr is independent and knows to self soothe??? In 20 yrs from now, Ask your child’s partner if they’d agree with that statement!

Leaving an infant or young toddler to cry it out is neglectful mothering/fathering. Most adults can’t regulate themselves when stressed and you’re asking a young, immature brain to do it?

My anecdotal input is that my non-sleep-trained DD was the one to develop attachment issues (but tbf, there was good, non-sleep related, reasons for that) while my sleep-trained DS has a very secure and loving attachment to me (he's 6 now)

There's a world of difference between sleep training and leaving a child in distress for long periods of time.

I was back working full-time and my son was still waking 3-5 times every night. I was absolutely broken. There were some mornings when I could barely look at him when I left the house to go to work. There were times when I hated him for how exhausted he was making me, how much he was impacting on my relationship with his older sister (too tired to be there for her). If that had been allowed to continue, his and my attachment would have been damaged irrevocably. Instead, we used a sleep consultant and after 2 nights of gentle sleep training, he slept through on the 3rd night.

If anyone even attempts to suggest that those 2 nights did more harm to our attachment than the weeks and months of sleep deprivation I would laugh at them.

9 years on, my fantastic adorable son is thriving and secure.

I think if you consistently ignore your child's distress they will suffer. But I don't think sleep training is doing that. Tbh I never did it because it wasn't my style, but I think giving a small child room to learn to sleep on its own is completely fine. Of course there's going to be crying from someone whose only means of communication is crying. But I don't think a child can get used to being ignored because you're leaving it alone to sleep, at sleeping time, when it's tired. And I don't think those cries are necessarily distress (though I suppose they might be sometimes and that's why you don't leave the child indefinitely).

I agree so much with this post.

Some of the "data" about sleep training affecting attachment is taken from poor babies in Romanian orphanages whose needs were constantly ignored as they were left in cots on their own day and night. Yes I can imagine this would affect their attachment. Ditto the babies of abused or drug addicted mums in your OP.

However I personally believe that doing a bit of careful sleep training with an otherwise well loved baby is unlikely to affect their attachment. As the above poster says, you have to balance it against the harms of the whole family being sleep deprived.

I only have anecdotal evidence but my DD1 really struggled to nap as a baby and by bedtime she was beside herself with over tiredness. So we did some sleep training which worked well. I'm pretty sure it hasn't affected her attachment to me or her ability to ask for what she needs/wants!

I really feel angry at new mums being made to feel they will damage their child if they are not rocking them every hour of the day and night.

My kids both got it in a handful of nights, and because of that, we've slept well their entire lives and been better equipped to care for them. Kids are now mid-primary age and seem fantastic. I'd do it again and recommend it to anyone.

It was never necessary for me to sleep train my own kids as they got there very organically by themselves at a young age. If I’d had to though, I definitely would have.

I had to sleep train kids I was caring for (as per their parents’ guidelines) and it took a day and the kids were absolutely fine.

I agree with a PP that gentle sleep training is not even close to consistently ignoring a child and not meeting their needs.

With my children we did ‘gentle sleep training’ - they’re all attached to us but have totally different ways of showing it. My eldest wouldn’t tolerate co sleeping EVER and isn’t a big cuddler, my youngest would co sleep forever if possible and wants to be pressed up against someone at all times if possible.

As another poster said; this will all be anecdotal and who knows what is nature vs nurture (except in extreme cases as you describe above).

I think it boils down to common sense. You won't damage your baby if you don't respond to every squeak they make. If you are leaving them screaming for hours then yes they will suffer ill effects. The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle and will depend on the personality and needs of individual DC. I left mine to cry a bit as a baby and he's a very confident happy teen now. I just did what felt right for him at the time. I'd imagine sleep deprivation would also have a negative effect on DC so sometimes you need to balance the two.

Everything you’ll have replied here will be anecdotal. I sleep trained my DS and he’s a very confident, outgoing and happy five year old now who just told me he “loves me sixty two billion” thirty seconds ago. So I think he’s fine. I also have my PhD in child psychology so had the same wonderings you had, but I’ve ended up with a content boy who sleeps through the night without fail so for us it was the right choice. I was a single parent when he was little though so I didn’t have anyone to share the nights which may have influenced my decisions.