AIBU to wonder if sleep training negatively impacts a child (attachment theory)?

Obviously, it depends what you mean. Leave a small baby or toddler (or indeed child) to scream for hours? Abuse, and will negatively affect them.

Create a safe, familiar bedtime routine that teachers them to settle themselves to sleep? Absolutely fine and in fact incredibly beneficial for everyone, including the child.

Gentle, caring sleep training involving gentle methods such as going back in at very regular intervals, reassuring etc. Fine.

Honestly, I truly believe that once a baby physically does not need a feed (milk) overnight, the benefits to that baby/toddler of having solid sleep are so huge. And for the parents, it is often just not sustainable to have broken sleep for years and years.

Mine always napped much much better if they were outside. I used to walk them back and forth in the garden in the pram until they fell asleep and then let them sleep outside. With my DD I would start rocking the pram again after 30ish minutes when she'd start to wake up to sooth her back to sleep again for another sleep cycle.

I truly don’t think there’s anything wrong with sleep training (which doesn’t mean cry it out! There are other ways)

In fact I think there comes a point where allowing a child, who is no longer a newborn, to wake up multiple times per night becomes almost cruel. Sleep is a skill and some children need help to learn how to do it effectively and on their own.

In an otherwise secure and loving parental child relationship I cannot see how a couple of nights of sleep training could break down the attachment to such a level that there’s any long lasting damage.

You ask about daytime naps, what do you do at the moment? Does she sleep in her cot for them or on you or elsewhere? One of mine needed to be in the cot in darkness for daytime naps or sleep would be so disrupted.

DD was chronically sleep deprived (as was I) because I wouldn't do sleep training with her and she very clearly suffered from it - the difference in her when she got prescribed melatonin at nearly 6 (because she STILL sleep like shit) and finally slept was amazing, like a completely different child. I still feel guilty that I didn't help her sooner.

Like others have said, most of the responses will be anecdotal. It's so difficult to measure as there are many many other factors which could be at play, it would be nigh on impossible to be able to attribute any one outcome to sleep training or not. My own personal view is that I was concerned about this and haven't done it, but I don't think we will ever be able to say one way or another!

Would she nap if out in her buggy?

I'm starting to get really fed up with seemingly intelligent and educated women asking bullshit like this. It's stupid, inflammatory and frankly, offensive to the kids or now adults that do struggle with attachment issues due to their upbringing. Upbringing that often involves abuse and/or neglect or something like a lengthy hospital stay. Basically, a traumatic event, not mum (or dad)having a shower , or not picking them up right away , or introducing some kind of sleep routine/training.

Unless your idea of sleep training is shoving the baby in a room ,turning the light off and shutting that door and leaving them like that all night, every night then no, it won't cause any attachment issues.

I waited until 11 months as it felt like she was old enough for some reason, before that would have felt too early. Also it was getting harder to rock her to sleep!

Only took 2 nights, first one we went in every 10 minutes and she fell asleep in 25 minutes. Second night she fell asleep just after the first 10 minute visit from us. Third night no crying and hasn't been any since. She's a perfectly happy and securely attached baby.

The studies you refer to related to extreme levels of neglect, in Eastern European orphanages where infants received only functional care, that’s vastly different to sleep training.

The outcome of so much research into child development is that parents (usually mothers) beat themselves to death if their child so much as whimpers without immediately being comforted. Which is simply not realistic, or indeed ideal because children never learn coping strategies if they never have to self soothe, learn how to self regulate etc.

I "sleep trained" my twins when they were 10 months old.
No crying it out.
The disappearing chair routine.
Lie them down, sit so they can see you with your back to them, 5 mins later, lie them back down, say good night, I love you, time to sleep. And repeat.
Took 3 nights.

Before that they were waking up inconsolable between 20-30 times a night and taking up to 2 hours to go to sleep.

My sanity was at breaking point, my marriage on a slippery slope and I was that exhausted I was afraid to drive some days.

They are now nearly 3 and go to bed themselves and sleep 12 hours straight and are happy loving confident wee individuals

Best thing I have ever done

There is no proof. In fact studies have found there is no difference between sleep trained and non sleep trained. Unless I’ve missed something? I did it with one child of my 3 children. Ds was a terrible sleeper so gave it a try. Best thing I ever did!

Sleep training is not abandoning your baby. It does need to be done at certain ages. One point is when babies no longer need milk throughout the night.

I was sleep trained and love my parents dearly and don't have any mental health issues or problems with forming relationships.
I sleep trained my children using the intervals method and they are very happy, loving children. They also still call out when they are ill, cold, need water and I respond.

The judgement and scaremongering is off the charts. Makes me very sad.

I think that 'sleep training' is not a precise enough term to do this study. What does it even mean, precisely?

Not really the point of the post but can I ask how you did it??

I’m a social worker so have the attachment training and for the same reasons as you I was freaking out about the impact on attachment of sleep training.

However most of the studies are based on severe and multifaceted child neglect - such as the Romanian orphanage research.

There are often times when a baby cries without immediate consolation, such as in the car or pram when they want to be held and it just isn’t practical to do so.

I did sleep train mine in the end. The crying was actually minimal, less than a normal night of holding and consoling. It was done in 3 nights (3rd night was around 30th ones crying) and then sleep was amazing. She’s now 7 and very securely attached.

What I would love to know is whether those that are sleep trained as babies have a higher incidence of mental health issues in later life. But I can't find any studies on the point. I think this would be the most helpful data

I agree with this.

I sleep trained because I felt like it was part of my job as a parent to teach my baby how to sleep so that they can grow and develop. Sleep is essential and it is possible to sleep train with love, warmth and understanding.

I sleep trained DS1 when he was 10mths old. It was over and done with in about 3 nights. He was never left to cry it out. He was, and still is, responded too whenever he was sad, in pain, lonely, needed some reassurance.

He is 29 now, and is absolutely fine, he has not suffered in any way at all from being sleep trained. He’s able to form relationships and has very strong relationships. He’s incredibly empathetic and is very well adjusted.

I don’t think you understand how sleep training works - you don’t leave them to cry endlessly. Nothing cruel about ensuring children and parents get a good nights sleep - it’s beneficial.
We sleep trained DT’s when they were five months - I was about to go back to work full time so we needed a good routine. Nothing stressful about it and DT’s are now in their early 20’s - happy healthy adults with a great bond with DH and I.

You'll get lots of anecdotal replies - like I can tell you I did it with my two and they're both very securely attached. My eldest is 13 and thriving, very confident and happy.
I genuinely believe the impact of not doing it would have been far worse. Eldest had trouble sleeping for months and it had such a negative effect on her. She was becoming very emotional, aggressive, dark circles under eyes. Generally a miserable child. However only one night of sleep training resolved all that. She was transformed once she started sleeping properly (and I regained my sanity too!). She became happy, calm and smiley once again. Sleep is important for their development. I do know people who won't do it because they say it's cruel and they have 10 year old, 12 year old kids who still have quite serious sleep issues. I do believe years of poor sleep has a real impact on them, and their parents.

I didn’t sleep train my three DC as they slept through the night at a really young age (12 hours at 12 weeks). I wasn’t prepared to feed them hourly and I always put them in their cot/Moses basket awake and then they went to sleep by themselves.
I think there is a middle ground from not putting your baby down and feeding 20 times a day and letting your baby cry it out. Does anyone actually do the latter?

I personally could never ignore my child crying and I do believe it affects them negatively. It goes against all my maternal instincts. It might only affect them a BIT negatively if it's just a bit of sleep training but I don't want my child to ever believe, as a helpless innocent baby, that her mum won't respond to her cries.

Cry it out isn't the only method of sleep training.