Going on hen do but not invited to main wedding

I’d never go to an evening only do. It’s a bit insulting really.

And I’d happily duck out of the hen party as you’re not good enough for the wedding.

Please please update asap I’m invested.
also , no YA100%NBU

I have also been to hen dos and only to an evening but in this scenario i would expect an invitation to the whole day

@SantasComingToTown Have all other family members apart from you and your dh been invited?

Goodness she is taking the mickey, isn't she?

No issue at all in my book.

I’ve been to plenty of hen dos and only the evening of the wedding. DH has been on plenty of stags and only the evening of weddings. My parents have done the same. I really don’t get the big drama.

Either go or don’t, but it’s not weird.

Some people are just CFS .
I wouldn't do the signs, cancel going the hens.
And wait for the full invite when people start dropping out.

Book a nice night away somewhere and be glad you've seen the real her.

Like you say too far to travel for a few hours and juggle with work. I would decline the invite and as you have already committed to the signs etc tell them then have to come collect them as you can't attend the wedding now.

I assume they invited as many people on the hen as poss to spread costs maybe....

I wouldnt dream of having someone spend £200 on my hen then not invited to the wedding all day. I had 9 ladies on my hen and all including partners was invited to my wedding all day, 80 day guests 120 evening guests.

I'm curious about who is actually going if they both have such small families. Has she only invited advertisers 'influencers' or something equally ludicrous, like no-one older than her or only blondes or no-one prettier than her or something? The mind boggles.

Thats awful OP. Hope the baby is OK. Decline these fuckers and have a lovely day off with your husband instead.

Just a reminder to read the OP's updates. For those saying it isn't unusual to attend a hen / evening do only, in this situation, not only has the OP been producing signage and helping with organising the wedding, she and her DH are family and appear to have had a long and close relationship with the bride. I find it hard to believe that, aside from other family members, there are 60 other guests higher in the pecking order in terms of getting an invite to the most important part of the day.

I’ve been to hen do’s and only been an evening guest. From memory I may have had a couple at my own too. I don’t think it’s that uncommon these days.

However the signage situation is bizarre as suggests they’re very close. You’d at least expect the friend to explain if there are numbers issues and why, not gloss over it with an invite.

When Aunt Doris is paying for the wedding she can have a say.
Fully get the issue of numbers but this particular scenario just seems wrong

Have you paid for the hen? If I were you I'd no go to anything.. she's taking advantage making you do bits and spend money but not inviting you to the actual wedding? Rude.

I wouldn’t be put out by the daytime invite not being extended to you.

80 is still a logistical nightmare when you’ve got so many family friends and family and Aunt Dorris wants to invite her cousins you’ve never heard of but they love you so much and it’s family. Politics is insane. I think most would rather invite their mates but that can then become political too.

Are your other friends going? Or are they evening only too? In which case I would just shrug it off as wedding politics and not her actual preference/desired choice.

BUT….you doing the signage and for free and her not bothering is disgusting and so ungrateful.

Given your logistics and effort for evening I would decline and explain that it’s simply too far for a few hours and you can’t get leave from work or childcare. I wouldn’t put myself out for just an evening do.

however I wouldn’t be bothered about the day part, weddings are pretty dull anyway.

I discovered during a hen do that I wasn't invited to the wedding.

The bride was a bit scatty and at the restaurant at the hen do there were things with the date on. My friend picked one up from the table and said "at least we're sure of the date now." We giggled, ha, what is she like, love her. Then half an hour later she came over and said sorry that we weren't invited to the wedding, but it's just going to be a small one, she's sure we understand. I was shocked. Always thought the hen do was a subsect of wedding guests that you were closest to.

There were 12 people at the hen do and 4 of us discovered that we weren't invited then. One of them had been her best friend and housemate for 4 years. Helped her move house the weekend before.

"Small" was probably around 60, which is fine if we don't make the cut, but why on earth invite us to jump through hen do hoops if you don't care enough about us to invite us to the wedding.

maybe posters sold read te ops post before saying tings like maybe youre not close or not family

I’ve been to lots of evening dos of mine and DHs work colleagues. Very common in DHs large company to have an open invite in the past. I’ve been to the odd hen do for only night invites, but all local and low cost affairs.
He even went to a non local evening part for a colleague but he went alone as a trip with work colleagues so very low cost, 5 in one car kinda thing.

I have a cricut, it’s not just the materials it’s the time it takes to put all that together. It’s always longer than you thought. I’d just say it’s too much with the baby etc and not do it. Screw her.

I’ve been to plenty of hen dos where I’m only invited to the evening reception. I've also been invited to weddings far away and even abroad where it’s only for the evening reception (it was where they lived) I’ve never had any problem with that as I’m not close enough to them to expect to go all day ahead of other friends and family. So I’d judge it on whether you think they 80 people (which in reality may be 40 for her)who would be closer to them or they couldn’t not invite. Maybe the delays in telling you is because they’ve been trying to work it out and she had thought she might have been able to invite you or other firiends all day perhaps waiting to see if maybe some family can’t attend and when she’s asked you to help she had thought you would come all day. I’m pretty sure she knows you might be upset and should have explained the reasons. Whether you go because of the logistics is another issue

Think it depends on your friendship and how you know them. There was definitely people on my hen who were only night time guests and I have been on hens were I am then only a night time guest at the wedding. Such as my friends sister came on my hen & I went on hers but we only went the night of each others weddings. We know each other and we friendly but we aren’t close enough to be day time guest.

I would not go to the wedding evening do. Just decline. It will cost you even more, be extremely inconvenient and in my experience, not enjoyable for you at all.

Have no worries about saying no.

If you put the signs aside, it seems like she sees you as a party friend, not a close friend, hence you being invited to the hens party and the evening. I bet they haven’t even considered logistics for people if they’ve invited an extra 200 people to drive 200 miles to for a few hours party. I’d put that down to them being thoughtless.

the signs situation is pretty rude though, if she considers you a good enough friend for that favour/previously that she wanted to spend time with you doing them together, it’s a bit stink not inviting you to the full wedding.

Completely agree.

She's taken you for granted with the signage and table decorations etc which sounds like a massive amount of work. The invite to the hen do is either because she feels she has to have you there, or because she's got you doing the signage.
I see what you're saying about being close, almost like sisters in a way, but I don't think she sees it like that unfortunately. Or she does, and that's why she has used and abused you.
Either way, I'd cut my losses with the hen do. You're probably better to send cash as a gift as signage will end up costing far more by the time you've postage and packed it up there. Not to mention the time it's going to take to do it.

I hope you won't give her the signs and other stuff you've made her! I also think it will be too awkward to attend the hen do.