Going on hen do but not invited to main wedding

So many of you are giving strong opinions when you clearly haven't read most of the thread. OP has been very clear that the bride and groom both have tiny families. The bride is first cousin of the OP's husband, they are very close both as family and as friends.

It’s the distance that makes evening dos a no go for me, especially with childcare issues.

Can you not read? It’s a cousin they see regularly and chat with 3-4 times a week, and have done so for years - a CLOSE cousin and friend.

@SantasComingToTown now you’ve seen the responses were meant to be back by 10 Feb, can you not just message and say - erm, I’m very confused. I saw on the response system we’re late responding but we didn’t even get the invite until AFTER that date. Also as we only appear to have received an evening invite that makes logistics almost impossible with baby so I’m sorry this means we can’t make it work and with regret can’t attend. As we only have an evening invite it scuppers bringing all the table decs etc with us so you’ll have to make arrangements to collect them.

It’s a cousin!

I’m totally calm thanks.

Just disbelieving that so many have such dire reading comprehension skills and feel it’s okay for close family to treat a person this way.

Confused or incapable of thinking and comprehending?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

OMG!
calm down 🤣

depends what kind of person you are though, some people are more than happy to contribute and help for nothing or do it instead of giving a gift!

I’ve made wedding favours before instead of giving them a gift and I’ve been invited to the evening only, it’s only a cousin so not like it’s a niece or nephew!!

For goodness sake… the bride is DH’s first cousin!! They ARE family - so it’s not just OP who has been snubbed but also the bride’s cousin, the DH. And that is aside from expecting free sign/deco making services that she couldn’t be bothered to come down to make, as originally arranged, or take them back.

And it is usual (as a former event manager) that when family, those helping with wedding planning and decs, those travelling a considerable way and required to incur child-care costs in order to attend (because the rest of the family is attending also, so cannot help with the grandkids) that you invite them to the whole day, regardless of whether they were also invited to your hen weekend event.

Confused, as you say she’s family yet you’ve only known her since she was 16?

I’ve been to hen parties before and never has it crossed my mind that because I’m going to the hen party I should have an invite to the actual wedding 🤣

I think YABU, its very common for people to go on the hen and stag and only be invited to the evening now.

Reading most of the posts on here make it clear that it's not very common and most people are shocked about it. Especially given that the OP and DH are family of the bride.

I think YABU, its very common for people to go on the hen and stag and only be invited to the evening now.

You could very well be on the 'Bump up' list for evening guests that they'll invite to the full day once their great aunt says no or similar.

80 isn't that many people. It sounds it but it really isn't once you've invited family. All it takes is one of them to have a large family.

The hen do is about if you like them enough to celebrate with them, it's not a trade off for an invite.

When is the wedding? Make sure when you respond to the invite you let her know you couldn't respond by the deadline as you hadn't received the half invite by then!

I know she snubbed @SantasComingToTown but any idea why her own cousin was snubbed.
Was there a falling out that maybe the op doesn't know about.

Maybe it’s a weird religious thing? Maybe they didn’t think you’d be interested in the ceremony? Or you’d have to work? Maybe they are restricted for the ceremony and not the night? Clearly they are strapped for cash if it’s a weekday!

don’t worry about it. Go if you want. Don’t be the ass that brings it up and further stresses the couple.

YANBU she’s a user, rude and I’d be offended as well. I don’t get the point of evening dos anyway, you either want people there for the whole thing or not at all but I would feel very used by her and not bother with the hen do either

People at my hen were my closest friends (one was Maid of honour) & family (sisters, mum, my aunt, my cousin)...Bridesmaids were my 2 sisters, my maid of honour (BFF) & another of our young cousins. We had around 70 at the wedding, everyone was invited to everything, though we did say no kids cos my mum's family is massive. Was an amazing day! No one was expected to spend unaffordable amount for hen & people still talk about how great the people they met at our wedding were (we came up with a fab seating plan).

Your point is?

Dying to know updates for this thread.

I hope Granny really told her how it is!! The entitlement of the bride is ridiculous! As a fellow crafter who’s being taken advantage of constantly in the past I really wouldn’t be making her anything else and I probably wouldn’t give her what I’d made already, I’d be harnessing parts I can use elsewhere in other things.

@LoctiteStuck , and anyone else who hasn't RTFT, the OP and her DH are family and have known, and been close to the bride, for many years (since childhood in her DH's case). She has helped to organise the wedding and made signs and stationary. And yet it seems that 60 other people merit an invite to the full wedding ahead of her. Why would she not be upset?

Unless it's a very close friend, I don't know why people get upset about not being invited to the church service really.

It's the sort of thing that used to bother me when I was younger - in a huffy entitled 'am I NOT GOOD ENOUGH??" way.

Now I'm older - I'd just think, been to enough church weddings, sat through enough hymns etc, it's all a bit the same, a bit boring really, I'd rather just go to a party.

The reception is the fun bit minus the boring, seen it all before bit.

Like I said, I'm battle scarred though! :)

I can’t believe that the deadline was before you even received your (evening only) invitation! To me, that says that you weren’t even on the original guest list at all, but someone has dropped out. She is totally taking you for granted, the CF. I wouldn't even bother to reply and when she chases you, you can say “oh but I thought we were too late as the deadline for replying had passed. We have now made other plans on that date!”

When my daughter got married she had a smallish wedding and invited 60 people all day, just family and close friends.

I'm so invested now. I need an update OP! Did you speak to granny? Did she blow up? Have you RSVPd yet? Tell me!

As happened to OP, you often don't know you're not invited to the wedding. Hen dos can happen way in advance these days.