Page 14 | Going on hen do but not invited to main wedding

C1N1C · 19/02/2024 21:02

So... party that you'd maybe have to buy drinks at, and have actual fun with the girls... OR... long boring wedding, seating with people you probably don't care about, AND have to fork out on expensive gifts etc...

Easy choice.

Sounds to me like you've actually got the choice bits of the whole ordeal.

wronginalltherightways · 19/02/2024 20:48

I would torch the signs you've made.
Ask her sister for your 'deposit' for the hen do back, as you will no longer be attending.
And decline the evening invite.
Tell anyone who asks why.

YOu've only been asked on the hen do so you'll deliver her her 'free stuff'; don't do it. And she knows the evening invite makes it unlikely you'll go at all due to it being on a weekday.

She's a CF of the highest order.

Newsenmum · 19/02/2024 20:45

This is so harsh! Most because you’ve been making the signs (!!!) and she was invited all day to yours. How did it go in the end?

Clearinguptheclutter · 19/02/2024 20:45

I’d not go to a wedding if it was miles away just for an evening do, especially if it was complicated to arrange childcare

as for the hen do, go if you want to go, but ditch that as well if you can’t be arsed

I’d be miffed!

theconfidenceofwho · 19/02/2024 20:43

I'd decline the whole thing! What a cheeky mare!

JadeSeahorse · 19/02/2024 20:38

To make matters even worse, sorry to suggest this but are you absolutely sure she is not deliberately trying to humiliate you, OP?

You say you will be the only one on the Hen who isn't invited to the full day.
Just imagine how that is going to make you feel. Is she envious or have some secret grievance against you for any reason you can think of?

Sorry OP but you will be totally miserable and embarrassed if you go on this Hen. Write off the £100 and just concentrate on having a lovely few days with your gorgeous baby and really supportive DH.💐

Let her have the signs you have already made and tell her this is her wedding gift from you all.

dastidlydaschel · 19/02/2024 20:35

Meggie2008 · 19/02/2024 18:35

This thread is giving me absolute anxiety. I'm getting married next year and was going to invite the ladies from my reception to my hen night as it's mostly family going to the full day.
I'm now wary in case this somehow offended them...

For what it's worth, I see nothing wrong with the hen do/reception situation, but the making signage etc is a bit rich

There's a big difference between a hen night (which is generally a local night out) and a hen weekend that costs hundreds.

Have you're invite but be clear that your wedding will be family and most will only be invited to the evening celebration so they can decide if they want to spend money on the hen do too.

Tatonka · 19/02/2024 20:33

I don't see the big deal, it wouldn't bother me. Weddings are expensive and I understand after planning my own. I'd just be happy to celebrate with my friend.

diddl · 19/02/2024 20:25

Meggie2008 · 19/02/2024 18:35

This thread is giving me absolute anxiety. I'm getting married next year and was going to invite the ladies from my reception to my hen night as it's mostly family going to the full day.
I'm now wary in case this somehow offended them...

For what it's worth, I see nothing wrong with the hen do/reception situation, but the making signage etc is a bit rich

Our invitations went out before my hen do was even though about tbh (both times!!)

Both hen nights were simple & the only cost to guests was a taxi or their petrol.

(Small town so neither would be expensive)

12345onceIcaughta · 19/02/2024 20:23

What are you going to do op?

sprigatito · 19/02/2024 20:17

I wouldn't be going to any of it.

Wexone · 19/02/2024 20:16

Meggie2008 · 19/02/2024 18:35

This thread is giving me absolute anxiety. I'm getting married next year and was going to invite the ladies from my reception to my hen night as it's mostly family going to the full day.
I'm now wary in case this somehow offended them...

For what it's worth, I see nothing wrong with the hen do/reception situation, but the making signage etc is a bit rich

Hopefully the comments on this thread will make you change your plan. if not good enough to be invited to wedding not good enough for hen party.

Alwaystired23 · 19/02/2024 20:09

SantasComingToTown · 19/02/2024 19:53

Yes exactly! Obviously at the time I said I would do it, I presumed I would have been included in the day. We were even supposed to have a crafting weekend to make all these things together.

Yes she is a relative - my husbands family, but we are very close to each other. We’ve been through a lot as a family and I have always felt like she saw me as an older sister type figure, we talk several times a week every week!. Well I know Grandma has had a lot to say on the matter today, so I’m sure there is going to mass uproar soon! Thing is, even if she now sent me a day invite, I wouldn’t accept out of principle. I don’t want to be invited because Grandma kicked up a fuss, if she doesn’t want us there to begin with, then I’m not prepared to be an after thought.

Show quote history

Well, you sound lovely, OP! There was a similar thread over the weekend where a cousin wasn't invited to another cousins wedding and were close. Basically, it hurts when you are treated by someone in a way you would never treat them, and how you have obviously viewed the relationship differently. As you say, even if you do receive a full day invite now, the damage is already done.

chrisfromcardiff · 19/02/2024 20:05

SantasComingToTown · 19/02/2024 14:00

Opinions please as I feel a bit put out….

As the title suggests I’m going on a hen do but my husband and I aren’t invited to the wedding, just the evening reception.

The hen is 3 days and has cost me £200. The Wedding was planned well before the hen do started to be arranged, but the bride (family) is very secretive so wouldn’t share the date or venue etc with anyone until the invites came out. We talk really regularly and the conversation for well over the last year has mainly been wedding based. I know she is having 80 people all day (more in the evening) so I wouldn’t say it’s a small wedding. She has also asked me to make loads of wedding signs and bits for her which I was happy to do (presuming I would be bringing them down with me to the wedding).

Now the invites have come through, we are only invited to the evening reception. We live 200 miles away and have a baby (wedding is baby free), it’s also on a weekday and both my husband and work the day of and the day after the wedding, so it’s going to be no mean feat to get there for what will be a few hours in reality.

AIBU to feel a bit put out about this? Why would you invite someone to your expensive hen do and then not even give the courtesy of a day time invite, especially when you know how far away they live. I would understand if they wedding was really small (30/40 people) but it’s not.

For context, we had the same size wedding and they were invited all day because we appreciated how long it was going to take them to get there and she also came on my hen do.

I would decline the hen do. Are you able to get your $$ back? If she asks why, tell her you were really surprised to be asked to the hen do but not the wedding and you feel it is not appropriate to go to the hen do. She can be as annoyed as she wants to be.

NeedToChangeName · 19/02/2024 20:05

HappyDaze23 · 19/02/2024 15:49

The problem with weddings is, no matter how reasonable you’re being (and imo very reasonable response to say thanks but no thanks to an evening invite) the bride is likely to have already lost her head in the wedding planning process and will likely react unreasonably!

Personally, I’d go to hen-do and enjoy it at face value, your opportunity to celebrate an upcoming wedding of a friend. Then I’d decline the wedding itself as the evening is really neither here nor there, and politely decline to make the signs as it would be difficult for you to get them to her if you’re not part of the day.

@HappyDaze23 agree with this

Original poster

SantasComingToTown · 19/02/2024 19:58

DoYouBelieveInMagic · 19/02/2024 19:39

What a cheeky sod. Could it be that her sister planned the hen expecting you to be a day invite? Either way the bride should have never had you do signs etc for her, especially not from a Cricut machine! So expensive

No, when the invite came for the hen (Facebook group) it clearly stated that the bride had specifically chosen us all to go to the hen do, so it wasn’t her sister wrongly presuming. Even so, it’s been booked for well over a year now, so even if that mistake had of happened, I would have thought the bride would have said something to me. I’ve seen her twice in person since then and talk regularly!

OP posts:

Newchapterbeckons · 19/02/2024 19:55

It gets worse because you sound extremely close, talking several times a week. Oh op it’s so shit of her. Decline and let Granny sort her out. Team granny on this one. Bloody cheek

Original poster

SantasComingToTown · 19/02/2024 19:53

Alwaystired23 · 19/02/2024 19:15

This thread keeps getting worse. So she expects you to make all those signs for free, plus the table plan and place settings and cake topper!! A table plan and name places, just minus your name!! Fuck me, she's a proper CF. Is she a relative? Is there no one to talk sense into her? I would be livid if my dc grew up to treat people like this!! I wouldn't be doing it. No way. Not unless you have mug tattooed across your forehead. And you have a baby too? So you're probably trying to fit in making all these signs in between looking after a baby?

Show quote history

Yes exactly! Obviously at the time I said I would do it, I presumed I would have been included in the day. We were even supposed to have a crafting weekend to make all these things together.

Yes she is a relative - my husbands family, but we are very close to each other. We’ve been through a lot as a family and I have always felt like she saw me as an older sister type figure, we talk several times a week every week!. Well I know Grandma has had a lot to say on the matter today, so I’m sure there is going to mass uproar soon! Thing is, even if she now sent me a day invite, I wouldn’t accept out of principle. I don’t want to be invited because Grandma kicked up a fuss, if she doesn’t want us there to begin with, then I’m not prepared to be an after thought.

OP posts:

Newchapterbeckons · 19/02/2024 19:52

It’s called HEN FODDER

That is all that you are. And a mug for making all of her wedding stuff. You sound way too nice for the CF tbh! Don’t let her take you for a ride. Sell the signs on eBay to recoup the cost of the hen deposit and tell her to do one! 💪🏻💪🏻

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/02/2024 19:51

I would be very tempted to have DH "accidentally" let slip to Granny how much the hen is costing and that Bridezilla is expecting you to make a table plan and place settings for nothing, for a meal you are not invited to.

Let Granny be the one who makes a fuss as it sounds like she isnt backwards in coming forwards!

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 19/02/2024 19:42

Datafan55 · 19/02/2024 17:20

I was trying to see the best in the situation here, @IReallyStillCantBeBothered @thebestinterest

Well I guess it’s nice to try to see the best of the situation but it would be better and more matured for the bride to speak to her friend or invite and see if they can make it or not rather than leave them to figure out on their own that the reason they were not invited to the main wedding is due to work.

OP has been asking her for the details and she refused to disclose and then assumes that they can’t make it because of work? Sorry doesn’t make sense.

DoYouBelieveInMagic · 19/02/2024 19:39

What a cheeky sod. Could it be that her sister planned the hen expecting you to be a day invite? Either way the bride should have never had you do signs etc for her, especially not from a Cricut machine! So expensive

ShareTheDuvet · 19/02/2024 19:36

I can’t believe she’s making you write out the place settings for a meal you’re not invited to 🙄😬😩

Brass neck doesn’t come close! Hard no from me 😬

Cakelollipop · 19/02/2024 19:33

NOPE

Easipeelerie · 19/02/2024 19:33

If you do end up having to discuss this with her, I’d focus more on what she can’t get round in an argument.
Don't focus on the fact you think you should have been invited as she can easily argue her way out of that one, and get offended with you to boot.
Focus on the fact that you’ve had heavy involvement with planning for something you had no idea you weren’t going to (you truly would have had no idea as she had said things in the past that strongly implied you would be invited).
You say, she’s not someone who can be persuaded which im0lies that she might be stubborn and selfish. Sounds like she’s shown her true colours and your friendship won’t be what it was.