To think it’s pushy to demand all my holiday information?

I don’t understand why giving your mum these details would make you feel uneasy it’s not like it’s a stranger or a colleague asking it’s your mum. She might want it so she can have a look at where your going to create conversation with you about it once your back and she may want your flight number to be able to check you got there safely which is not unreasonable in my eyes for a mother to check.

How do you know she only told her mother today? Maybe I missed that in OPs posts.

Anyway, it's enough information for an adult to impart.

Hi mother,

I'm going away for 3 days
Be back Monday.
My hotel name is Y In Nice, Paris whatever.

Don't forget the OP has messaged mother and send photos also. Not as if she is ignoring her altogether.

Who needs anything more than that unless they are harrassing or trying to infantilise their adult child?

The OP has probably had enough of the controlling behaviour, it’s not a new thing related to age.

well she went away on a long weekend and shared flight number and hotel name…. today, Sunday.

It was two bits of info. to a very elderly sick woman who lives alone.

FGS -

The OP gave the information to her mother. Yes she shared it with her initially.
Then mother kept going on and on at her looking for more and more info every day she was away also.

What part of this do people not understand. And surely you can see how irritating it would be.

OP did not hold any information back, was not secretive etc. But this was not enough for her mother.

I always give my Dad info about where we're going etc and ring him when we're away. He's 87, he still calls me Bab, I'm 61 🙈. Like my Dad she won't be here forever, you may even miss it when she's gone.

we’re taking about a woman in her mid 80, who recently suffered a heart attack and who lives alone

oh come on you can’t be serious

Totally agree with this.

its controlling behaviour- don’t do it if you don’t want to.

just say no - there’s no reason for you to need it.

I have never given anyone those details, nor have I been given them. I don’t think it’s something ‘everyone’ used to do pre mobiles.

Of course knowing the hotel would help in a missing person enquiry! It would be the first place investigated - did she actually check in, did she sleep there, did she check out, is there any CCTV, was anyone with her, was anything left in the room, any signs of crime, has passport gone etc etc.

I'd be severely tempted to give her the wrong information to see if she ever notices.

In the context of your mother having form for being controlling what stood out to me is why you replied? Given you didn’t want to? Why can’t you simply switch off your phone? It’s 3 days not 3 weeks.

It doesn't really harm you and maybe just helps her feel if there is an emergency she will know. I'd give it to her and be pleased she cares.

My mother used to do this. It was one of the ways in which she reminded me of my responsibility for her. My view was that if I was on holiday, someone else could deal with anything that happened. It’s not as if she would have been on the first flight out to rescue me if I needed it! I told her that holidays are for getting away any having a break so I wasn’t saying.

I assume the poster is not literally just jetting off without a word, but more just telling her DH that she is going to Copenhagen on Tuesday morning and will be back on Friday around 7. If she goes missing, knowing precisely what hotel she was staying in won't particuarly help the search.

The above

My DB and I always share holiday itineraries when we go away, it's just so that we have a second means of contact for each other in case of any untoward situations and they're out of mobile reach.
With my late DM I'd have given her a hotel phone number, just in case, and the date of our return. But she wouldn't have asked for it, nor would she have used it except in an emergency.

We’d just flown out of Genoa when that bridge collapsed a few years ago, we didn’t know it had happened but my poor mum got in a right tizz because she couldn’t contact me for a few hours.

Since then my family send flight numbers and accom details when we go away. I doubt anyone even looks at it, but we’d know roughly where they were if we needed to.

As an aside, when travelling, make sure the people you’re with and someone back home knows who your travel insurance is with. It’ll save all manner of problems if you end up in hospital or dead!

I've just started leaving all flight details with my parents (even though they live on another continent!). I'm 50 and they late 70s.

For me it is mainly because we put the cats in the cattery and I want to be assured if anything happens they know where they are and when they need to contact the cattery to make any arrangements until they can get there.

This is my particular 'thing' though.

Elderly relatives of mine are similar these days. They are struggling with loss of independence/control… it’s turning them into not very nice people. They aren’t making decisions about things that they should re living arrangements for as their health declines and are trying to control more from family and household stuff instead. To me it says losing capacity. Id be asking this woman what else is worrying her and see what she is stressed out about at home and if anything can be done. If positive change can be made it should realign the balance and get her off your back

I’m in my 40s and insist my parents in their 80s give me that info. I’m not overly anxious, just good to know that type of thing.

nope

but i goes some way to explain how a very aged, ill woman that lives alone may wish to know where her daughter is if something happened to her