DP wants more money

You have no rights to his estate unless he makes a will in your favour. But really, just get away from him. He is refusing to be open about finances, despite happily dipping into yours, he’s lying about the will and he’s a problem drinker - not someone that should be around your children.

Stop sharing your financial details with him and move out asap!

Repeating what others have said but -

Don't tell him how much you bring in (ever again).

Work out a reasonable amount to give him each month then maybe take £100 off If he argues, get him to show you proof that he is being short changed.

Save, keep your head down, get the hell out of Dodge..

“If there were no direct discussions then the court will look at the conduct between you, including contributions made to the house. These contributions need not necessarily be direct contributions to the purchase or mortgage, but should be more than what is ordinary in a cohabitation situation. So, if you have solely paid all the household bills it could be argued this is above and beyond what is expected of an ordinary cohabitee.”

but she hasn’t paid all the household bills solely. She has paid a bit more than half. Plus, given that he has explicitly stated he doesn’t want her to have a claim to the house, it would be pretty dark for OP to start an eye wateringly expensive legal battle with an incredibly tenuous claim to try and steal part of his property off him, no? Even if he is a grabby user.

Why buy a 4.5k sofa for someone elses house?. You sound bad with money. Just tell him you can pay extra hundred. If what you are paying is less than you would pay alone, I would just carry on. Use what you are saving to buy a property. Win win for every one

@Itsnotbeeneasy

whether you're open to hearing it or not, you have gone from one abusive twat to another.

whether he lives or dies, you're not entitled to any of his house. Unfortunately.

Do as he says & give him a fair amount you're happy with. Guess the bills & give him half of that. No mortgage! As he says HE has the equity in it put that money into your own savings.

Hes selfish & nasty. Get those ducks sorted!!

Well @Itsnotbeeneasy has vanished so best to find another thread where those in need do engage. She's had good advice on here.

It's possible to establish a 'beneficial interest' in a property.

A pp wisely suggested discussing this with a solicitor. I second this. Never rely on legal advice handed out on anonymous chat threads.

There have been a couple of test cases.
I need to google more to find them, but there is some info here
https://www.familylawgroup.co.uk/news/what-rights-do-you-have-to-your-home-if-you-separate

I don't necessarily have an issue with paying 'rent' to your partner. I don't think there is a right answer how finances should be handled but the issue for me here is the lack of transparency. You should have access to all the utility bills.

Where are people getting this idea that you have a claim to the property because you contribute towards the mortgage? It’s misinformation.

If you’re paying towards his mortgage you could have a claim on the property. Does he realise this?

I promise you this is wrong you do not have a claim to the house at all. You cannot claim the equity this is completely made up. As you are not married and the house is in his name you have no rights to the property.

also as he has no will and you are not married of course you have zero rights to any of his stuff if he dies. He’s talking balls.

This!

What on earth is he trying to feed you, saying this rubbish.

For anyone who has any knowledge of this - DP is emergency services and has said if he dies tomorrow I would have control of everything. He has no Will to state this.

He's lying to you.
Surely you know this?

Surely you have the ability to google it?

His being in 'emergency services ' (fire, police, ambulance) means nothing.
How could it?

His next of kin are his children.
They would inherit everything, or if they are under 18, they would be looked after by someone else- their mother, if she's around.

I have only read the OP, but he is clearly talking rubbish. Seeing the utility bills would not give you a claim to the property. He may think it does, but he is wrong. However, you may already have a claim to the property through paying half the mortgage unless the payments are interest only. You may be able to claim some of the £150k equity to help you set up independently. Consult a solicitor.

Time to put yourself and your kids first OP. Start squirrelling away as much cash as possible for either a rented house or ideally for a deposit on a mortgage. Stop paying him anything towards his mortgage. Pay as little as possible towards the bills in his house and then get yourself and the kids out. Put the sofa refund towards the escape fund. Are there family/ friends you could go to if you need to get out quickly? He's using you to subsidise his bills /mortgage / free housekeeper / childcare for kids that aren't yours. Time to start planning your escape, you've wasted 2 and a half years on this man. Please don't waste a minute more on him.

This!

Does he actually know that this month you've earned more? Is he generally aware of your monthly earnings while he refuses to disclose the households' monthly bills?

If you are not married you have no rights on his assets. I've read on Mumsnet that if you are not married you should have evidence that you pay someone's mortgage or bills e.g. a direct debit to the mortgage account and not just hand him money so you can register your interest in his property. You can't register an interest If you have a rental agreement because he can use this against you to say that you were just a tenant. If he doesn't want you to have any interest in his property then he'll need to help you save and not pay HIS mortgage on a property you have no interest in.

Plan going forward:

Stop paying the money that represents half the mortgage. Save it instead. If he complains tell him you are concerned about the appearance you could be making a claim on the house - this is his concern, too, so he should certainly be happy, right? Go 2-3 months like this or however long you can without him going ape shit. You are now using him and he will get twitchy. Save that money.

In the 3rd month, sell the sofa, return it, whatever, to get them money back. Save that money.

Use those funds as escape money.

He asked you to suggest an amount - I would say exactly half of the bills, starting from when he's shown them to you to prove what they are. That's it, nothing towards the mortgage. Tell him his house might be his future security, but you need something of your own and need to put the money towards that instead. I get that he doesn't want you to have half his house if he's been there a while, because I would not allow that to happen either, it's for my children and no one else. But you are entitled to the same thing and he can't have it both ways.

To me, it seems like you are both trying to use eachother. I dont think this is a proper relationship /partnership. It looks like a partnership of convenience. He's trying to use you to pay his bills probably bc he knows you are trying to use him to save up money to buy a property for your children, like young adults do these days, living with their parents in order to save up deposit money, only you arw living with a man,not your parents. You don't want to leave him just yet, bc you have your end-game in mind. Don't think either of you are covering yourself in glory tbh

Why is he asking for more if you already pay more than he does PLUS it's helping him pay off his mortgage? That's really grabby behaviour. Not wanting you to see the bills because it would give you a claim on the house doesn't make any sense, it's more likely because he doesn't want you to see exactly how much more you have been paying.

I get the feeling some ill-informed mate at the pub has been drip feeding misinformation into DP’s ear and he thinks he is vulnerable. I’d make it clear that you know you have no rights to his home and this is exactly why you are reducing your contribution to reflect that you share in bills, pay a nominal rent, are owed 50% for the sofa, and provide free housekeeping/childcare for children that are not yours - and will be saving towards a deposit on a home of your own. This home could be a shared one in a few years time if he changes his act, or it will be one for you only.

Can you afford to buy your own property?
If you can, I would do that.
In the meantime I would probably try to stop seeing the payment you make as paying towards his mortgage (you would need to pay housing costs wherever you live).
What is his view on marriage?
I must admit, I would never marry again because of the risk of losing half my house in a separation but I am at a completely different stage of life to you.

Sorry to be lazy haven’t read the whole thread and I’m sure you gave already been told this but - you gave absolutely no claim to his property. No rights. Nada. Zip. Doesn’t matter if you’ve contributed and if there’s a reference on the bank transfer. You’re not married and the house is in his name. This used to be my line of work. Get out he is financially abusing you. You can take your time, get your ducks in a row, but keep your eye on the door. Sounds like your ex did something similar by putting debts in your name. You deserve better. Good luck.